When you don’t want to go NC how do you cope with this?

[Petipj]

I rely on my mum a lot for childcare. She is fit and healthy and advocated doing this. My parents have always generally treated me very badly. I won’t go into it all as it’s draining and long but I was subjected to a lot of physical and emotional abuse as a child. They are not like this with dc, who is very small still.

They moved closer to me and my brother last year to help with childcare for us both and they seem to enjoy it. It’s a huge help for me as DP is useless and the relationship is practically over.

However, I struggle to be around them much or for too long as I am triggered massively by the past. I know they still mock me and criticise me and I can generally cope with that but what I find hardest is their comments that I am to blame for the breakdown of my relationship. They have always been like this. It’s not come as a surprise but it is exhausting. I don’t want to see them much but they want to see dc and they do help there very much

going nc isn’t an option, even without childcare I don’t personally think that would be right for me though I know it is for others. How can I be healthy while so close to them? Finding it very hard to navigate.

I would not let people capable of such abuse within a mile of my child. Somehow or other you have come to believe that they only targeted you, that there must have been something about you that attracted your parents' abuse. Therefore your child is safe with them.

There was nothing wrong with you; there is something wrong with them. I repeat -don't let them near your baby. Even if they are kind to her. will they continue to mock and criticise and undermine you in front of your child?

Why wouldn,t going non contact be right for you? Is it the child care? Being alone?

I wouldn't leave my child with them or allow my child to see them treat me this way.

You first step is counselling I think, to talk all this through.

Not something that is easy at all; and best really to explore with a therapist. If you can't afford a councillor; then look at going through local NHS IAPT service. You can book yourself in directly without going through a GP. I would imagine that this complex situation is a cause of anxiety; and some short term therapy could help

There's something very wrong when you have abusive parents, are leaving your children with abusive parents and have a 'rubbish' partner.

You have to be the one to break the cycle. No leaving your kids with your shit parents. Get work, get better paid, get childcare. Yes it's expensive, yes it's hard. But everyone soldiers on.