Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Do closeted gay men use lots of girlfriends as a cover?

4 replies

ManagementPlan · 16/09/2022 08:09

I know a man in his 50s. Divorced years ago and has since had a string of girlfriends, usually quite young and glamorous.

I know him only as a friend (not young and glamorous 😆 ) and he's a nice man, a good friend actually. The kind of person you don't see from one month to the next, but know you could ring if stranded with a broken down car or in need of help with a domestic emergency. We each turn to each other when we need a grown up plus one for an event, so we've been on quite a few date like outings, but there's never been anything romantic or sexual between us.

AFAIK he seems to treat all the women well, genuinely caring, interested and kind, but they never last very long. I've never heard him say a bad word about any of them after they split, just it didn't work out. Several have remained good friends and he has other young women who he's friends with, but hasn't had relationships with.

I've occasionally wondered if he might be gay and using the man about town image as a cover story. He has two adult sons who are both gay, although I've only recently learned this so it hasn't influenced my thoughts, I'd wondered before I knew.

He is close to his sons, both have spent time living with him, he talks about them a lot, but in all the years I've known him he's talked about "DS and his partner" etc, but I never knew he was gay (I've never met them), so whilst he obviously loves and respects his sons, he doesn't seem completely comfortable with their sexuality iyswim.

Anyway, is it common that gay men use a string of "unsuitable" girlfriends to hide their sexuality?

I've known him years, at times we've spent a lot of time together, he's always treated me with respect, never made any kind of advance, but as I said, I'm the wrong demographic and I wouldn't want him to anyway, as I value our friendship and wouldn't want that to change.

I guess it's not really any of my business if he doesn't want to tell me, but I am fascinated by human behaviour and interested.

OP posts:
Choconut · 16/09/2022 08:15

Well it's where the term 'beard' comes from (as a slang for covering up your appearance ie appearing to be straight by dating/marrying women when you're not). It's certainly a thing but whether this friend is doing it or whether he is just dating people that turn out to be unsuitable is anyone's guess. Maybe he has commitment issues after his marriage didn't work out, who knows.

CoolerThanIceCream · 16/09/2022 08:24

Maybe he’s just straight.

The campest guy I’ve ever come across has a wife and a girlfriend.

I think in spite of thinking you have a well-honed gaydar radar, you probably just don’t.

CoolerThanIceCream · 16/09/2022 08:27

Sorry - that sounded really terse! I didn’t mean it that way at all.

Just that I, personally, have made assumptions on that front and then been dead wrong!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

ManagementPlan · 16/09/2022 08:29

CoolerThanIceCream · 16/09/2022 08:24

Maybe he’s just straight.

The campest guy I’ve ever come across has a wife and a girlfriend.

I think in spite of thinking you have a well-honed gaydar radar, you probably just don’t.

I don't assume anything of the sort. I understand I am completely unversed in such things. I recently discovered that a particularly masculine looking "woman" I know is in fact a man. I had no idea 😆

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page