Can you please help me organise my life. I am so overwhelmed and ignoring everything.

[FailingAtAllOfIt]

I need to support my 2 youngest children with school as they are really not progressing at school as well as they should be. Not achieving expected attainment or whatever you call it.

I am doing a course which I have completely checked out of because I became I am so behind in work and the course coordinator emailed today asking if I am still doing it.

I hate cooking and so every night I just get some crap from the supermarket / takeaway / insert some other crap.

My house is tidy but not clean as I would like it and it really stresses me out.

I have no dp.

I am so overwhelmed that I am just not doing anything and instead wasting my time online. The more I have to do the more I don't do anything!

Hi OP, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Is there anything you can take off it?

Like sell a child! 😊

Being serious though, there's not much I get get r rid of. I think I need to get myself more organised with my time but I don't know how.

Sounds similar to me! I’m a widowed mum so no partner either.

First off I would let up on yourself. The fact that you’re ‘wasting’ time online suggests you’re tired out and need to zone out and rest your mind for a bit. That’s okay.

Do you know the psychology behind procrastination? Check out Dr David Maloney’s videos on YouTube. Basically it isn’t because of ‘laziness’, it’s usually because you’re avoiding the feelings associated with something.

Re dinner - omg I know and sympathise. I find it so difficult to sort meals at the end of a workings day. I know what to do but am just knackered all the time.

How old are your children? What do you need to help them with?

Do you need to do the course right now? Can you drop it and try to simplify your life for now?

I have emailed the course coordinator that I am overwhelmed and really behind and have suggested if I can rejoin another cohort. I'm not sure she will agree.

The kids need help with maths, reading and just school stuff. They are 11, 10 and 6.

We have started sort of meal planning, because actually deciding what to eat each day was a bit too much. Do you have a freezer? Frozen baked potatoes are fine and quick in the microwave. With beans and cheese, it’s fine. Cut up a carrot on the side if they need a vegetable. That’s one night.
go to the food section, put in your requirements & people will help.
you don’t have to cook perfect stuff every night, but going to the supermarket every day is a waste of time & money.
start small.

Don't worry about the cooking. As long as they're fed and getting most food groups in their diet (in one week not one day) they will be fine and other things are more important right now. Doesn't mean when you get back on track you can't improve their diet with more home cooking.
Consider if the course is the right thing right now. Are the benefits are going to outway the stress, tiredness and attention away from your kids right now? Can you speak to your tutor or whoever runs it to see if there's an option to pause or extend the course?
Again with the cleanliness of the house, consider your health and have a period where you don't do anything more than you need to. You want it to be pristine for judgey visitors im assuming but thats not important right now. Plus no body's perfect, everyone understands that.
Use the extra energy you save from all this to really spend time with your children, speak to theirs teachers about what they need to improve on and work on it at home in a fun, relaxed, no pressure way.
Basically, take the pressure off all three of you! You and your babies are struggling so you deserve to give yourself some breathing space.

Sorry, all 4 of you

Maybe think small - make a list of three things you WILL do tomorrow. Not take the kids to school - three things over and above what you normally do. Like vacuum one room thoroughly, spend 10min reading with 6yr old and make a list of three meals you could eat over over the long weekend.

Even if you get one done, that's something.

Could you teach the 10 and 11 year old to get simple food for themselves and the 6 year old? Then sometimes one of them could do that while you help the other one with school.

On house cleaning I have a big wipeable mat pinned up on the kitchen wall with a list of all the rooms and tasks on it.

I put the date in when I do each one. (Currently mostly blank as i just redid it lol). It takes me a long time to get round it all (about 6 weeks!) but getting to cross each thing off the list helps me focus, also otherwise I forget what most needs doing. DS6 will sometimes do a task on it as well (he can vacumop the kitchen floor reasonably competently). You could get the kids to help you, blitz it one Saturday, make a game / competition of it and see how far you get.

When we are overwhelmed we can get overwhelmed by the thinking. Decide a time you will do x and then do it and don’t think of it the rest of the time.

here’s what I would do….

ditch the course.

clean the house every Saturday 2 to 5. Do a light clean every day. Eg always make sure dishwasher emptied before bed.

do a meal plan and shop every Sunday morning. Take all the kids. Let them all decide one meal per week. Get them all help unpack. Write the meal plan on the fridge.

listen to your two youngest children read every day. Do one at breakfast and one after dinner. Pay for audible and let them listen to them at bed.

don’t do anything else. Do the above and do it for six weeks. Update us here when you have done the above each week. Pat yourself on the back and go out and get drunk. Then think I’ve changed my life I rock. The add one more change. You will actually save time if you do the above.

Start meal planning and cook twice as much. For now do something like;
Mon - spag bol
Tuesday - chicken casserole
Wednesday - spag bol
Thursday - chicken casserole
Friday - pizza night
This will free you up some time.
Eventually move towards a 3 week meal plan, so you can change it but you don’t have to do.
Can you shop online?
What’s the point of the course? Enjoyment or career advancement.

Do the youngest read to you for 10 mins a day? If not I would start there.

Omg I have just seen the YouTube channel and there's just too many videos! Can you summarise rely quickly the gist of what he says.

Omg I have just seen the YouTube channel and there's just too many videos! Can you summarise rely quickly the gist of what he says.

ignore it if it’s not useful! I was wondering if you’re struggling with making yourself do the course because of procrastinating. If so, basically you’re not lazy (ie bad or failing!) - it’s more likely that you really need rest/less stress which is why part of us resists doing something like a course even though another part of us really wants to do it.

If you’re failing at the course anyway just quit. There’s nothing in life that you have to do except breathe! (And feed your kids obv!) Cut out everything else. School is for teaching kids and they’re driven hard enough at school these days without you being on their case at home too. They’ll find their way. Do what you need to do, let up on yourself, and order, routine, extras will follow more naturally when you’re feeling up to it.

Pick the thing that's stressing you most or taking way longer than it should, and just deal with that.
It'll free up headspace and time to move onto the next thing.
There'll be a snowball effect.

I just had a look at one David Maloney video OP, I liked his idea that you commit to doing something at a particular time, but then if you don't feel up to it, DON'T think oh I will do it later. Leave it. I expect he means until the next suitable day. At least then you won't be kicking yourself all day about that particular thing. Obviously there are tasks that are more pressing than others. I have to say 3 hours cleaning every week plus a light clean every day seems a lot to me, but then everyone has different standards. I try to remember to look out for dust and mess at other people's houses so I don't imagine everyone judging me. 😏

OP I am not in your position but when I was younger I had so much to do and not enough time so I remember what it was like.
What I do when life becomes like this is to write everything down that needs doing and in order of importance.
Making a list helps to regain some order in the chaos and you can tick off the mundane stuff as you do it thus helping you to tackle the most important stuff which of course is your children.
I know you probably don't need to hear this but they are only children once and enjoying them is a luxury most parents don't have the time for, but you could enjoy the time you spend with them as opposed to resenting it because you are short of it.
Take care

Are you using your phone to soothe yourself?
You know that's only making things worse.
A nice home, good diet, career and educational progress can be achieved if you put the phone down and it'll make you much happier in the long run.
I know, easier to say than do. I get it but it's a target.

I am in a similar position to you op. I wrote a list of everything I had to do every day thinking it could be managed with good time management. It couldn’t. There was just too much to do.
Sao focus on doing less. Takeaways are fine. Give some easy tasks to the kids. And be kind to yourself.

There's a really good book/audiobook called "How to keep house when drowning" by KC Davis.

It's amusing, and helpful. Ironically I've done less housework since listening to it, but I feel better about it.

😂😂

This book is great! It got me back on track when my house was the worst ever shit tip AND made me feel better/more capable. I reread it whenever I feel like I’m falling back into the mess.

Thanks everyone.

I have basically written a list of things to do in priority order. There's another list of not really important but would like to do as my list was becoming huge.

I've picked only 3 things from the list. They're really really small things and using David Maloney's tip I've picked a time for these tasks.

Weirdly I feel better as my head is sort of empty now as I only have 3 tasks today and if I don't even do them that's fine too.

Next step to plan is throw my phone in the river. This one's going to be the hardest!

I'll try and check out the book suggested.

Thank you everyone. I'll try and report back at half term, hopefully with a good update.

I like unfuck your habitat.
currently I am working on one thing each evening that will make the next day a bit easier or life a bit easier (like last night I filled a hole in a wall that’s needed doing for ages.) but then that was my thing done.

One thing I do which helps is, possibly the night before, or earlier in the day, get out what you need to do the task - so bathroom needs cleaned, get out the jif, cleaning cloths and leave them ready on the windowledge. Living room - put hoover, duster, pledge at side of room ready. It feels likes a much quicker job if everything is already looked out and handy. Decluttering, get boxes ready next to the drawer or cupboard.

Definitely agree with writing stuff you need to do down. When it’s all in one place you can regroup it, and then track your progress with it.

Also yet yourself a massive wall chart calendar and write everything for the next year that you need to do into it, birthdays etc. Sometimes less that you have to keep track of ‘in your head’ the easier. I absolutely sympathise when you have pressure on all fronts. As everyone has said, just start small. You can do it.