Solutions to problems you'd only find on Mumsnet

[XXV]

Been here for a gazillion years and sometimes I do wonder about the advice given to problems. Two I've seen recently made me 🙄:

Problem: DH not pulling his weight.
Solution: Invoice him for you time.

Problem: Car blocking a driveway
Solution: Pour battery acid all over it.

There are also the ones whereby the OP suspects her OH is cheating and the plots and ruses people come up with to catch him out are the stuff of Hollywood films.

Can't we just advise people to talk to each other? Surely that's what happens in the real world? Why all the drama?

Husband is always out cycling.

Book a spa for the weekend.

🙄

Just the general LtB mantra in here it’s absolutely insane.

Men are despised and though of as shit, yet at the same time expected to be absolutely perfect in every way.

Take in ironing
Get a slow cooker
and of course, get a cleaner.
I’ve been on this earth 58 years and know of only three people who have had a cleaner (and two of them I was the Nanny).
I’ve worked (in all my other jobs since Nannying) with dozens of working parents over the years and reckon none had a cleaner ‘to free up time’ at the weekend.

Think going to a spa and taking in ironing are unique mumsnet solutions.

I have 67p to last a month, no food, electric, can't get to work either.

Take in ironing.

As if people are wandering the streets looking for someone with no insurance or references or professional experience in ironing 🤣🤣

Oh and -

My neighbour looked at me a bit funny today.

"Call 101, it could be the missing piece of a puzzle"

As if the police have a massive file on the neighbour but are just waiting for Mrs Smith from number 18 to report a dodgy look so they can swoop in and make an arrest.

Can't we just advise people to talk to each other? Surely that's what happens in the real world? Why all the drama?

Because MN isn't the real world, it's a world where nobody answers their front door, or the landline phone. Where people make a chicken last a fortnight and never drink instant coffee. It's MN fantasy land.

My friend has committed a minor social infraction.

Never see them or anyone associated with them ever again.

DH isn’t getting up in the night with the baby, and I’m exhausted. The baby will now only settle for me.

‘Pack your bags NOW and go to a hotel. Leave DH to it and enjoy the break’

yeah because being shut in a premier inn down the road fretting about your baby screaming bloody murder for you while your husband tears his hair out would be SO relaxing.

And 90% of people are high earners

The parking ones are mental. They always escalate into what are basically all suggestions of criminal damage. You know fine well the ones posting about breaking windows, keying paintwork etc would never in a million years behave like that irl but on here they get crazy

I want my daughter's nickname to be Bunty, what shall I call her?

Brunhilde, Bertha, Brenda.

In the olden days nicknames just developed - they weren't planned in advance!

If you want a Bunty, call her Bunty

No that’s too normal it would be something with a completely different initial as well like Abuntia or Egbunthine.

You are overwhelmed with managing your household and need some strategies to get on top of the mess.

Just lower you standards.

My 18 year old needs some advice about uni/career/whatever.

FFS OP, 18 is an adult, you need to step back, you're doing them no favours.

Omg, the cheating ones I don't even click on anymore, the responses infuriate me!

OP: I think my DH is cheating on me

Responses: DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOU KNOW! bide your time and find evidence! 😲

WTF?! Maybe use your words like an adult...

Get your ducks in a row..... 🤣

Exhausted because your child wakes several times a night? DH needs to do his share.

When you point out that since you don’t live in Buckingham palace, your child screaming the place down disturbs you regardless of who gets up - ear plugs. The solution to everything. Noisy neighbours, annoying colleagues, crying children. No matter. Ear plugs.

Any threads about entertainment for the under 5s - walks, and parks. Even for non walkers. Even when it’s throwing down with rain. According to MN, parks should be filled with smiling parents of rosy cheeked wellie wearing kids when it is wet, rather than deserted.

My mum bought me a present I don't like how should I broach it?
Go no contact- it's emotional abuse

I lent a friend an item and she sold it on eBay. Now I want it back and she can't afford to give me the money because she is going on holiday.

The world is going mad