Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Shite mother.

42 replies

Sillyholiday · 15/09/2022 17:47

One child. Single parent. He's nearly 5. I'm shite at it. I've realised I just cannot relate to him. I've got nrelates o idea who the latest lego figure is or any of his interests. I try to make things fun and conversation but it just runs out quickly. I'm.really trying but he relates better to everyone else

OP posts:
nancydroo · 15/09/2022 19:49

Attachment issues maybe. Do you get joy from being with him? What does he do that delights you? When he's sad and you comfort him does this make him feel better?

Only ask because it reads like your a bit detached

Pawtucketbrew · 15/09/2022 19:50

If you are worried about parenting (and I'm sure you are just doing fine) have you considered parenting classes? Our primary school is always sending out emails about free parenting classes or you could check your local councils website. It might give you more confidence.

As pp said, just loving and caring for them is your main job. DD and I often just snuggle up on the sofa and watch a movie together. I see my role as making her feel safe and loved above everything.

Also another poster suggested just doing tasks alongside him if he's not chatty so eg puzzle, games. DD loves it when I sit and play with her dolls. I don't even have to say much. Just show some interest.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 15/09/2022 19:51

Has he recently started school? My dds never had anything to say then.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 15/09/2022 19:52

We all make it up as we go along you know. If you feel he has a lot of screens with his dad and that you struggle to get conversation going could you use screens as a gateway? For example if he likes lego then watch lego masters together, comment on the things they build, which is the best? Who will win? Who will be eliminated that week? When they test the bridges for weight which one will carry the most?

It sounds as though you need structure to start to rediscover your relationship. Simple things can really help.

Original poster
Sillyholiday · 15/09/2022 19:57

nancydroo · 15/09/2022 19:49

Attachment issues maybe. Do you get joy from being with him? What does he do that delights you? When he's sad and you comfort him does this make him feel better?

Only ask because it reads like your a bit detached

He isn't overly tactile which is fine if that's his character. I do get joy. He does come to me if upset.

OP posts:
ilovebagpuss · 15/09/2022 19:57

It sounds like you might be saying you don't feel you connect well with him rather than just knowing what he's into, would that be right? It can be hard to connect with little kids when as mum it's all about the basics. Food, clothes, discipline, bedtime etc etc.
Ignore me if it's not that.
If it is perhaps you could just do some things together that are new. So create some things to connect on like baking together or choosing new paint for his room or movie nights together with treats.
Do you read together at bedtime?
I wouldn't bother about knowing what games he plays or who he plays with just work on the connection.
We never feel like we are doing it right but as long as we are still trying that's what counts.

Original poster
Sillyholiday · 15/09/2022 19:57

SpiderinaWingMirror · 15/09/2022 19:51

Has he recently started school? My dds never had anything to say then.

Yes recently stated. He seems tired which is to be expected.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyholiday · 15/09/2022 19:58

ilovebagpuss · 15/09/2022 19:57

It sounds like you might be saying you don't feel you connect well with him rather than just knowing what he's into, would that be right? It can be hard to connect with little kids when as mum it's all about the basics. Food, clothes, discipline, bedtime etc etc.
Ignore me if it's not that.
If it is perhaps you could just do some things together that are new. So create some things to connect on like baking together or choosing new paint for his room or movie nights together with treats.
Do you read together at bedtime?
I wouldn't bother about knowing what games he plays or who he plays with just work on the connection.
We never feel like we are doing it right but as long as we are still trying that's what counts.

He refuses books. He seems to refuse everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyholiday · 15/09/2022 19:59

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 15/09/2022 19:52

We all make it up as we go along you know. If you feel he has a lot of screens with his dad and that you struggle to get conversation going could you use screens as a gateway? For example if he likes lego then watch lego masters together, comment on the things they build, which is the best? Who will win? Who will be eliminated that week? When they test the bridges for weight which one will carry the most?

It sounds as though you need structure to start to rediscover your relationship. Simple things can really help.

Good idea. I find all that stuff hard to follow but I need to make more effort I suppose. It's all flashing lights and noise to me lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyholiday · 15/09/2022 20:09

He just seems more unhappy these days.

OP posts:
Luna42 · 15/09/2022 20:32

It's really rare for a "shite" parent to even question their parenting. So I doubt you are! You sound low, and it must be so so hard to be a single parent. Be kind to yourself, you love him and you're doing your best. If he has just started school maybe you could join the PTA and help out with school stuff. Good way to meet other parents? Scrap that if you're too busy of course!

Smartiepants79 · 15/09/2022 20:34

What happens if you just get on a do it anyway?
Are you giving him too much choice?
Just ‘we are going to…..’. ‘Let’s play this….’
Not ‘do you want to??’

CaptainCorellisBagpipes · 15/09/2022 20:37

Cut yourself some slack OP.

If you were a shite mum you wouldn't be posting her asking for ideas.

Hang in there.

HardLanding · 15/09/2022 20:43

I’ve got 3, also a single parent and I’m still winging it. Most days I feel like I’ve only got 1 because I only see my teens if they’re hungry, want painkillers for periods or want to know where XYZ is. They are all very different with very different needs/wants.

Except for this one thing - none of them want to speak when home from school, for at least an hour. I can relate, I was the same, and I’m the same now - I need to decompress from one environment to the other. We tend to grab snacks and crash onto the sofa.

Can you try just “being” with him?

My 6YO witters on about Gabbys Dollhouse and I make interested noises, no clue what she’s talking about and I cannot deal with bright, screeching TV shows. I’m sure my Dad felt the same when I would bang on endlessly about Buffy as a teenager!

Original poster
Sillyholiday · 15/09/2022 21:50

I would have liked another child but I've left it too late.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyholiday · 15/09/2022 22:01

I know I'm going to look back on these days with regret at how I didn't cherish them while he's so young.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyholiday · 16/09/2022 10:19

Back on antidepressants now. Its too much to bear without them.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page