What to do? Over a comment overheard at work

[Weeteeny]

Here goes .

2 days ago I overheard a senior colleague who is visiting our building refer to our team as "arseholes"

I told a close colleague who I am very good pals with this the following day. He was shocked and we both agreed that our manager would go mad if he knew ( there is a back story of conflict between the two) and there was an understanding I thought between us that this would go no futher.

I thought no more about it , but then today found out my colleague had told.another colleague because she came to.me and said she is going to tell our senior manager what was said.

I said please dont as this will only cause more agro ( there has been a lot of conflict between our senior manager and the person who said the comment ) . I would prefer if we could all just move on.

Anyway, of course she went and told our manager who then pulled me aside and has asked me to put it in an email to him.

I don't want to put it in writing for a number of reasons.

The main reason is I hate conflict I will also have to see the person that said the comment and he will know it was me that highlighted it. This will be uncomfortable for me. I have previously got on well with this person and I imagine this will destroy any goodwill that exists.

To complicate matters I applied for a position with the person that made the comment. So if I do put it in writing, it will look like sour grapes when in fact I now fully accept the role I applied for is not the job for me .

On the other hand my loyalties lie with my manager who has been good to me and I want to support him , however I really do not want dragged into a workplace battle and their personal conflict ( which I hate )

And obviously I.do want to let my manager down.

What should I do?

I have certainly now learned not to spread a comment even to trusted colleagues

I had a similar but not identical situation. Ended up with a grievance being raised and me as the star witness. Very unpleasant and i regret very much saying anything about it! I don't imagine this would be grievance territory but based on my experience I'd apologise, say you had no intention of raising formally and aren't happy to put in an email.

I would absolutely not put anything in writing.

Could you say that although your loyalities lie squarely with manager you aren't comfortable making it official given this was something you overheard rather than was said to you. You don't think you were mistaken in what you heard, but as that's always a possibility when overhearing things you don't want to take it any further. However if anything like that happens in future you will speak up at the time so it can be properly addressed.

Don't these things just happen in stressful workplaces, you ignore it an move on? Its not language id use persoanlly, but we all let off steam occasioanlly.

Nothing good ever comes from repeating something you you've overheard and TBH from what's happened since the senior colleague doesn't seem too far off the mark.

If you don't want the job why does it matter why he thinks you don't want the job?

This is why you don't gossip in the workplace.

Tell your manager you overheard and might have misinterpreted so it's not something you're comfortable raising formally.

Thank you flumpy, that is what I think I am afraid of.

I had thought of saying please don't use my name , however if it goes further which I think it probably would given the history of those involved , they would have to use my name and then I'm landed right in it.

Perhaps I should apologise for circulating even if only to one person I should have known it would have gone further.

Don't put it in writing.

If you were so minded you could offer to brokee a meeting on how your two teams work together but you'll know whether that's a suicide mission or not.

Yep. Next time don’t open your mouth about stuff like this. Nothing good ever comes of it.

General consensus seems to be do not put in writing.

I will speak to.my manager and say I never intended this to go further and fuel the flames . I will apologise for spreading.

I have learnt a lesson too.

Thank you all.

If you wanted it kept private to begin with and avoid any further issues why didn't you keep your mouth shut in the first place?

And don’t pass on what you’ve overheard to colleagues.

In future