If you have had years and years of bad luck, how do you keep going?

[JaneFondue]

We have had about 5 years of very bad luck and I am totally burnt out.
Horrible cancer and v painful, excruciating death of DF
Serious chronic illness in DS aggravated by Covid
DS having to drop out of uni reluctantly and v unhappy
MH problems
DH's breadwinner job at risk and he is 55, so hard to find another
DH v stressed and grumpy as a result
I am menopausal and on HRT so also grumpy

Then last week my only sibling called to say her DD has a serious autoimmune disease. She is only 21. She really does not deserve this; nobody does.

Feel numb right now. I have serious compassion fatigue. Beginning to get very bitter and miserable. I know I am still lucky compared to people who have to choose between heating and eating but I can't remember the last time I had a worry free night.

Been trying to fill my empty cup by trying to get more time to myself, but still keep thinking we have been cursed. Have lost the joy in everything as I am always expecting more awful things to happen. Not religious so can't turn to a higher power.

All my friends have compassion fatigue as well and don't have energy to hear me moan. One even tried to kill herself a month ago:( So am moaning on here. Sorry!

Sounds so hard OP. However I will say that its life, basically just that. I think whats missing her for you is optimism. Ok so the way I would look at it is the world is going to keep turning and each day is a chance to find something good,but you have to be of the mindset that you need to try, So DS has had to drop out of uni,this is ok,not ideal but ok,so you focus on something else,Some sort of appreticeship maybe or voliuntaty work to get to where he needs to be a different way. DH may loose his job,ok after years of being on the daiy grind now is maybe his chance to take his foot off the wheel and look into doing something he would love to do but never had the chance to explore before as he was too busy focusing n paying the rent.Maybe there was a thing a job he alays wanted to do but couldnt so now at 55 he has transferable skills and a whole lot of experience of the world which is useful and valuable.Do you see what I mean? Spinning negatives into positives is hard work granted but its what you have to do. We only get one go of this life thing and we have to either survive or crumble so we might as well take a chance and make the best of it ,dont let it defeat you.You are still here living,thats way more than some people.Access all help you can and demand it for the MH support needed, Those who shout the loudest get heard remember that?!!! As for the chronic illness,it needs managing and you cannot do that alone,make sure the support is in place to help again its a fight but you have to keep going, The menopause is a different matter and I get that bit but can I say having gone through it not so long ago the other side of it is brilliant! I promise you! I am sorry for your loss of DF but again its back to the positive thinking,whilst its devastationg and probably came way too soon,no one is ever ready for death ever but would you rather he be at peace now?He is not fighting this awful disease he is not in pain anymore and that is a good thing for DF,he is at peace,Life without him means he is at peace and not suffering,not much of a choice when you boil it down to that,Can you think of any happy times you spent together,how much love you shared and focus on them? Thing is at the end of the day you know all this..you do really and you have just forgotten, You can handle all this ,Take it slow ,be strong, You will only thrive if you choose to for you and all your family. You will be fine if you stop .pause and refigure a way forward I am sure, Good Luck xxx

I thought this was useful

i wonder if what is aggravating it is that your family, without realising it, use you to pour everything out to without appreciating that you are also a human with only so much capacity for negative news/emotion? It’s very common for women.

do you think this is the case for you OP - your family is pouring out to you all their despair, unhappiness, fed-up ness etc to you without properly appreciating the impact it has?

Thanks for the responses.

Spinning negatives into positives is hard work granted but its what you have to do

I agree, but I am tired of staying positive and being last priority in the family. Though if you ask DH he will say he is. The world outside isn't helping either.

@Fireleap I can't watch the video right now, but I did click on it and the first few seconds make sense of course. There is no one who hasn't been touched by loss and illness; I just want a few years respite before the next round of illness and expense!