Cafcass help

[Tes004]

Has anyone had any recent dealings with Cafcass - all I read is terrible negative reviews -

im in the mist of a custody battle and I just feel so deflated -

divorced 5 years ago and children all live with me- however contact stopped 6 months ago when the youngest disclosed some physical punishment which was reported and as a result social police etc were involved. When the police closed investigation- access resumed and emotional abuse carried on - telling the children lies about me and my partner - planting seeds if you like ! It got extremely bad and I made the decision to stop them going over night until his behaviour was sorted- I encouraged contact via telephone and meet up at parks etc

3 months later he started court proceedings which I favoured as I was constantly threatened that he would remove the children from schools and not return them.

he actually attempted this and I then applied for an interim order of which the judge ordered in my favour.

section 7 report has been done and I already know our youngest aged 9 has said he wants to live with his dad- says it’s only fair as he has always lived with me - he has even wrote to the judge- I feel so sick to my stomach - I have always encouraged their relationships and never spoke a bad word re their father - they have been having 8 hour visits fortnightly which seems to be working great - they are happy to go and have a great time- but I feel that now this is what they expect ‘living’ with dad to look like.

i know this is all for money on ex side - the more nights they have the less money he contributes - he had even told me if I sign to say I won’t take maintenance he would drop custody case -

he has also been issued a malicious comms warning due to messages he has sent me. But I’m so worried that the judge will just see a little boy asking to live with his dad and order it …

it would be horrendous for our family to be separated - has anyone experienced this ?? I hope they read his wishes as a positive thing that he feels loved by everyone but that it wouldn’t make sense for such an upheaval and change for no good reasons - hate that the children have to go through this - and also feel hurt that youngest wouldn’t miss me …. Although I know deep down he isn’t capable of thinking through such requests

I've had recent dealings with cafcass and they've always been very fair and I thoroughly believe they do represent the needs and interests of the children. My daughter has only had supervised contact with her father from 16 months old to now when she's nearly turning 4. We had a cafcass guardian appointed recently as we're only part way through proceedings.
They will talk to your son about his wishes and feelings naturally, but they will take everything into account including his age, the family dynamic, seperation from his siblings. I would perhaps prepare for a 50/50 recommendation however if he has expressed he does want to live with his father.
I know some people have had horrendous dealings with cafcass but I can only give you my experience and every officer we've had has definitely acted in my daughters best interests. Please remember they are extremely experienced social workers.

I've just had my interview I've been in a state of anxiety ever since. I feel like a terrible mother and guilty because I was in am abusive relationship x I'd mentioned that I'd had counselling due to it they then emailed after and asked for access to my medical records. So now I feel like they are going to use getting help for bouts of depression against me. Sorry no help but here to chat.

I have had experience with Cafcass and although I felt it was quite a traumatic and extremely negative experience at the time, I think 4 years on I have gained more perspective and can look at the experience more objectively.

Firstly it's not unusual for a child to say they want to live with the other parent. Like you say their experience isn't the usual day to day parenting, they experience the fun side which although much needed is not realistic in the long term. The court hear this a lot. The court and cafcass listen to all the children's opinions however they don't like to separate siblings and usually they err on the side of a shared parenting agreement if at all possible. The issue I felt was so negative with Cafcass is that in my experience they are contact at all cost. Contrary to what the mainstream media might report they have let serious cases of violence and abuse go unchecked because of their reluctance to issue a non contact order. I think this is where a certain level of distrust comes in. But like any public body they are not infallible. Also having this time to reflect has really helped me and I try to be as fair as I can regarding Cafcass. When you are in it everything becomes heightened and I just want to share with you that it gets easier. Please look after yourself.