Are you the "organiser" friend and tired of it??

[JaneFondue]

I am. And thinking of giving up. I am a naturally organised person. I end up being the one who organises lunch or a play or a gig. If I didn't I would never see anyone or see anything! But am getting tired of it now because it involves so much back and forth, especially as everyone seems to have got a bit flaky after Covid. Find a date that suits people, a time, a ticket price, a seat... Can't someone do this for a change?

Is the only choice between never seeing anyone or doing all the grunt work? MY DC are grown so I have more time on my hands and I want to keep/retain my friends and make new ones, but it seems a full-time job ( and I already have one of those).

Yes that's me to an extent. To an extent I suck it up but I find my friends have got better at being more balanced.

I actually told my closest friend years ago how it made me feel generally to always be the one planning. Since then she has done all planning!! Even when I try to intervene 🙂 I have actually told friends directly when I feel this way - sometimes it takes a few tries for the message to get through.

I used to be, but no more. Got sick of the flakes and the no responses and worst of all, "I will let you know", as if I have nothing better do do than to put my life on hold for you to let me know.

I actively look for friends who "organize" back.

I am definitely the organised/organiser in our family and my friendship group. The lock downs were a bit of an eye opener as to how much time, effort and money (I host far more than my friends and family)this was taking and I've cut back a lot. It's resulted in seeing some people far less than we used to which is a bit of a shame and having some fairly chaotic outings but I'm more content. Dh has got much better at organising.

One solution for the 'new friends' side is to go to things already organised, then you just socialise at that thing (book group, choir, campaign group, art class, whatever whatever whatever).

I know where you are coming from. Maybe you should not stop initiating but arrange things that are easier and do not involve booking, just turning up. Then set a date with one person and invite the rest to join. If they can't all come, never mind.

Yes, I am trying out the group friends thing, though sometimes I am in the mood to meet only one friend, preferably an old one.

I have actually started going for stuff alone sometimes, simply because it is too much faff to get other people to commit to a date. I do go with my DH, but sometimes I need a break from him!

I think everybody is struggling at the moment and some don't have the money/time/enthusiasm, though quite a few of my meets are just walking in the park.

You could say 'Hi Sue, I am going to see this play on x date, do you fancy it?' and just go alone if they can't?

I will say I have a lot less enthusiasm for socialising since COVID. I don't really know why!