Asking the same Q multiple times

[lechatnoir]

I've got into a really bad habit of asking the same thing multiple times and it's driving DH / DC mad and I'm trying to work out firstly why I do it & then try and break the habit.

Anyone else like this? I think DH is convinced I've got early onset dementia as it's definitely not a conscious decision just to irritate but I can see I do it quite often and it must be annoying. I think it's probably a combination of (poorly) multi-tasking / mental load and not listening to the response; no one ever doing anything I ask first time; possibly not getting the response I want and rather than saying so asking again plus now just pure habit
It's mainly little everyday things:- I woke up and asked DH if he's showering first and he said no. I shower and as I get out ask if he's showering. 15 mins later go to
put towels in the wash & ask again and he gets cross what I really Meant here was why the fuck are you still in bed when the rest of us are up and busy It literally just comes out without a thought. Yesterday apparently I asked DS 4 times about getting a PT job.

Can anyone help? Or help me explain/rationalise to my family without sounding like I'm blaming everyone else and figure out a way to make some positive changes.

This sounds so annoying. My advice is before you speak stop. Pause. Think. What question do I really want answering right now? Or, is there something I want to express instead of asking a pass agg question?

What happens if you ask ‘why are you in bed when XYZ needs to be done and leaving me to take care of it all?’.

I think you're right it is a passive agg (& not very obvious) was of wanting something else. As to asking for example why don't you get out of bed, I do that too .

I mean this kindly but that sounds horribly annoying. I was cringing reading your post, imagine l

Living with it

There you go then. So you need to work out why you can't express yourself in a healthy adult manner. Therapy?

Once you had had your own shower, you didn't need to know anyone else's arrangements.

If your ds doesn't get a job, he won't have any money.

It's nagging you are doing, rather than asking questions.

The more of you who point it out the more obvious it is: passive aggressive nagging. No I don't need to know someone else's shower arrangements and you're right DS is already skint and will continue to be but he's 17 and in FT so as long as he's not expecting hand-outs I guess I either need to accept my family are lazy fuckers and STFU or leave them to it. I'm really not seeking therapy because I'm a nag with an annoying habit 😂

TBH I can be similar and it's not nagging in my case and it might not be in yours. The examples you've given do sound a bit PA, but I bet you have others that aren't, and in my case I do it with things like repeatedly asking DH how an evening out was, or telling DC several times what the schedule is for a day out, or similar. DH also looks at me funny sometimes, but - barring early onset dementia - I honestly think it's a mental load thing, and a lack of mindfulness. I ask the question because it needs to be asked, but when they start answering my mind has already moved on to the next thing it has to worry about and I don't really take in the answer. I don't like the term mindfulness but I am trying a bit harder to focus on the here and now to help with this.

Don't ask dh how is night out went - let him tell you if he wants you to know