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Braggy in laws

12 replies

User47484739478474 · 11/09/2022 19:29

Not even sure braggy is a word so I apologise.

Dp is oldest of 5. He had quite a humble upbringing, his mother re married and had 4 more children when he was a teen, their father sadly died when they were young though that is not overly relevant. Dp is early 40's, siblings in 20's. Mil 60.

In more recent times, my mil, her children and mils partner go abroad 4 times a year, they eat out at posh restaurants, go on spa days etc etc, lunches out, weekends away in the cities both together and separately. They are literally away constantly. They buy each other extravagant gifts and Christmas fills shit when it doesn't compare.

nothing wrong with all this if they can afford it. I'm glad they aren't struggling with money. The younger siblings mainly live at home rent free so don't have any major bills to pay. Mil isn't struggling either though. Her and her partner do work hard!

but my god they are so braggy, photos, comments, always a look at me attitude. Always have to let everyone else know what they are doing on a stupid family group chat.

we have had remarks saying oh shame you cannot afford these things, or shame you can't come with us or they will invite us for a posh meal for one of their birthdays knowing full well it's not achievable for us. We have very little spare and what is spare goes on stuff we need. I've been made to feel guilty that our dc miss out on holidays, they are still young and I'm hoping to take them somewhere one day and it likely will not be abroad.

me and Dp are very much your average joes. Not managed a holiday in several years for financial reasons and personal reasons. Struggling as don't earn a lot but don't earn little enough to get much help. I'm off work at the minute for reasons I won't go into. We are however on a small amount of tax credits and got the cost of living payment which we are very grateful for. We also had the in laws saying how unfair it was that they didn't get it - they clearly don't need it.

ironically I've been called a lady of leisure by them, as I'm off work at the minute which he far from the truth. I've been unwell with my MH and raising two dc, one who has significant additional needs.

the cost of living is draining us financially. Our energy bills are ridiculously high, we are spending more &
More on food and fuel in the car but I don't need to tell mumsnet this, we all know the reality of life for a lot of people right now.

they go on holiday and expect us to look after their dogs at the drop of a hat. I love dogs but our own doggo is protective of her own house and doesn't like them here, plus their dogs aren't great with young kids so Dp has had to go stay there for 2 weeks with one days notice a while ago, Dp had no choice. It was a nightmare with work, kids etc as she doesn't live overly close by.

I don't want this to come approach as I'm jealous, I'm just fed up of the whole look at me attitude and rubbing it in! I am glad they are not struggling though

I just feel we are looked down on. We have kids, a house etc, naturally things are going to more of a struggle for us. Dp was made to feel guilty for not going to a birthday meal the siblings and arranged for their mum, he went to see her in the day before they went but the meal would have been too much. Meals at
around £100 per head is not in our budget! They got her expensive gifts and makes me feel crappy they the sale slippers, candle & scarf we got her from Sainsburys is nothing in comparison.

is it hard for other who are not struggling to realise that some people really are?

am I just being touchy? I'm just fed up of the look after the dogs when they go away at the drop of a hat with no notice saving them hundreds in kennels!!

OP posts:
User47484739478474 · 11/09/2022 19:30

Sorry, a bit long!

OP posts:
Yubgftr · 11/09/2022 19:37

I'd go low contact and mute the family WhatsApp group and their socials. Block it out of your life, don't engage and don't look after the dogs. Put some firm boundaries

Randomword6 · 11/09/2022 21:06

Horrible people. You have to get the dog sitting stopped, give them warning that it doesn't work for you, and then refuse if they ask again. They are definitely not worth your time or consideration, if they are capable of the kind of thinking that resents others getting necessary tax credits, while they live in luxury.

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declutteringmymind · 11/09/2022 21:12

What's horrible situation, they don't sound very nice, or at the least very insensitive.

Yes to muting them and unfollowing them on SM.

Try and concentrate on your family life, and surrounding yourself with those who support you and have a little more empathy.

CuteCillian · 11/09/2022 21:15

they will invite us for a posh meal for one of their birthdays knowing full well it's not achievable for us
If they invite you for a meal then I am sure they will pay. Surely that is what an invite means.
They sound very insensitive. You have nothing to lose by clearly saying you do not have financial resources to live the similar lifestyle to them and they are making you feel unhappy. If they do not change their attitude then keep your distance (and tell them clearly why, should they ask)

Octomore · 11/09/2022 21:22

Your DP does have a choice about the dog, and he needs to say no. Simple as that. They can afford kennels, and they can't expect him to drop everything for them like that.

They do sound crass and unthinking. Comments about "oh what a pity you can't afford..." are way out of line. If they wanted him at the birthday meal they'd have either gone somewhere in his price range, or picked up his tab. They don't give a shit, so why should he?

Octomore · 11/09/2022 21:22

Your DP does have a choice about the dog, and he needs to say no. Simple as that. They can afford kennels, and they can't expect him to drop everything for them like that.

They do sound crass and unthinking. Comments about "oh what a pity you can't afford..." are way out of line. If they wanted him at the birthday meal they'd have either gone somewhere in his price range, or picked up his tab. They don't give a shit, so why should he?

Octomore · 11/09/2022 21:24

they will invite us for a posh meal for one of their birthdays knowing full well it's not achievable for us

This is particular in appalling behaviour. Even with friends, I wouldn't pick a restaurant I knew some people couldn't afford, let alone with family!

Octomore · 11/09/2022 21:24

they will invite us for a posh meal for one of their birthdays knowing full well it's not achievable for us

This is particular in appalling behaviour. Even with friends, I wouldn't pick a restaurant I knew some people couldn't afford, let alone with family!

Hoppinggreen · 11/09/2022 21:26

Of course he has a choice about dog sitting. You also have a choice about being on the family WhatsApp

TiddleyWink · 11/09/2022 21:31

Why on earth did your partner drop his family and move out for two weeks with one days notice to dog sit for someone who treats him (and you, his partner) like shit? Does the man have no backbone whatsoever? That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read on here. A chuckle and a ‘no can do’ is what anyone sane would answer to that request, surely?

Sorry but at some point you have to take some
responsibility for how you allow other people to treat you.

mamamomojojo · 11/09/2022 21:35

Distance

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