This post talks about domestic violence, please don't read if this is triggering for you.
I grew up in a family where domestic violence was the 'norm', from a very early age I saw my mother hitting/slapping/punching my father, she was always very careful not to hit his face so that no one outside of family could tell what was going on.
I'm now in my mid 40s and they are still together, still existing in the same dysfunctional relationship. I married in my late 20s and now live with wonderful DH.
The problem is that my DF frequently phones me in misery telling me he can't cope much longer. My response is - and has always been - come to live with me, we will get you somewhere else to live somehow and things will be ok. DF always says no, he's too old to leave her (they're both in their 70s now). But it's killing me. I suffer almost daily anxiety from growing up in that way of life and feel I'm constantly on edge knowing what is happening but not being able to fix it.
I confess I hate both my mum and the fact that my dad is suffering. I have tried begging her over the years not to hit him, it's not acceptable but she says it's not my place to tell her what to do. I know she would stop my dad seeing me if I go no contact with her so on the surface have a very 'bland' relationship with her, just the functional basics.
I guess my question is... how do you deal with the fact that you can see the house is on fire but no matter what you do your loved one refuses to get out? Because that's how it feels. And I carry my worry for him around every day. I feel so exhausted.