If you’ve got primary age children, please tell me about your post school evenings!

[BusyEve]

Feeling really burnt out with life. Husband and I both work long hours, he comes home having picked children up by 5.30, I get home around 6.30.

At the moment the children aren’t eating quality meals, and I feel bad for it, but we are living by convenience. They then get in the bath at 6.30 and into bed for approx 7. I miss them but I am always there for the bedtime story.

Evening consists of clearing up, putting laundry away/doing another load/hanging it up at 10pm, a meal of some description, packed lunch prep/work etc etc. I’m lucky if I get 30 mins to sit down before I need to get ready for bed. I’m never in bed before 11.

I am so worn out. I have neglected myself massively but I can’t see how to change anything. Money is tight, I can’t afford a cleaner nor cut my hours. Surely I’m missing something? Children are 7 and 4.

I feel your pain, after school is manic especially with kidd clubs (swimming etc). My two are very similar ages, they are never in bed before 7.30 iften 8pm. I wish I could get the youngest into bed earlier but it's impossible.
Things that help: slow cooker, batch cooking, a couple of freezer meals. We never eat together in the week.
The laundry we have is ridiculous. Often put a wash on in the morning and another in the evening. Hanging up clothes to dry is a pain but doesnt actually take that long. Dry, clothes tend to lie around until we get chance to fold and put away. We don't live in a Palace!!
Anothe helpful thing for us has been the cordless hoover. I do a quick vacuum (5mins) downstairs quite regularly.

We get in for 6 and Ds goes to bed for 8, so it’s a squeeze.

uniforms - I have 5 sets. It’s an investment, but I get it all ready at the weekend and hang them up in sets for the week ahead so I don’t have to stress about clothes during the week.

food: I batch cook things like mash / spag bol and freeze it into portions. Spaghetti (fresh not dried so it cooks in 5mins) with meatballs / spag bol. Stir fries. Chicken in the air fryer with veg and defrost mash etc.

Ds has shower as soon as he gets in and gets in pjs while I cook, so we sit down for food about 6:20 and he’s ready for the evening.

we do laundry in bulk at the weekends, and I clean kitchen and bathrooms during the week but that’s pretty much it.

Lots of good practical tips above, I just wanted to say that you're not alone, these are the tough years. If you have a job you work hard at, then this is the stage you are probably wanting to really push yourself so you can earn and support your family. The family stuff is so busy that it could be a full time job all on its own. It's so draining. You can end up slogging through.

Soon the DC will start going to bed later so you'll have a chink more quality time with them.
I read recently that we only get 900 or so weekends with our DC in total (unless you work weekends shifts!) so try to maximise some time with them when you can. Get some cuddles, get the oxytocin flowing, it will fill you up a bit.

Good luck. Once your youngest gets to year 4 or 5 you get a few years of bliss. It's fun then I promise. Hang in there

Post school evening routine for us is

17:00 - Dd has her dinner
18:00 - DH comes home - he then entertains her/spends an hour with her whilst I chill upstairs, read a book, waste time on MN etc.
19:00 - bedtime routine (which we take in turns) whoever isn't doing the bedtime routine sort her bag out for the next day and pops dinner on
19:30 - adult dinner time
20:00 - clear up plates and load the dishwasher
20:30 - we chill together until we go up to bed at 22:00

On a Sunday evening DH packs 5x lunches for DD and I do a bit of meal prep for the odd weekday dinner (usually a lasagne)

Washing clothes etc. is all done Sunday morning whilst DH takes DD to church (I'm not a believer)

We have a cleaner once a week too for the bathrooms and kitchen which has been a life saver!

We get home by 4 (although then back out 4/5 nights for clubs etc) so feel free to ignore me but looking at what you currently do I’d suggest a couple of tweaks.

Your husband putting washing on as soon as he gets home so that it can then be hung up earlier. I used to do this when I worked later and then I’d put the previous day’s away and hang that load while the children were in the bath or just after they went to bed. I no longer have a laundry basket but have three bags for life darks, colours, whites so stuff is sorted as it goes into the wash which helps save time.

Only cooking once. So either cooking something in time for the children’s dinner that you then have when you get home, or cooking after you’re home and putting the children’s portions in the fridge to be reheated the next evening for their dinner.

If the children could go to bed half an hour later (I know not all children can), you’d have more time to sort packed lunches and household stuff etc before they went to bed which would mean the time after they go to bed was more free. For us it just makes the evening less disjointed.

It is hard juggling long working hours and children and a home!

I'm surprised that you have that much housework or tidying when none of you are in all day! When my child is not a nursery that day and my husband is working from home the house is a tip. If we're all out then it's fine! Just a quick hoover round and wipe the benches if needed and the toilets a little wipe over.
I put the washer on before I go to bed in a delay timer so when we wake up the washing is done and we don't wash clothes everyday).
Have you thought about school meals for the children?? Or do some batch cooking at the weekend and then quick meals during the week (bolognaise, cottage/shepherds pie, home made soup) my go to easy meals are stir fry's, fajitas (different variations of these)

Wow, thank you all so much for these tips! Probably should have mentioned my eldest has ASD, so probably working around the age of a 5 year old.
It honestly hadn’t occurred to me that their bed time was too early, we will try pushing it back a little and see if they cope ok. We leave the house by 7.30 in the morning.
Laundry, my DH is a plumber so I try to wash everyday to manage that, plus DS1 is a very messy eater. I can spread the laundry out over 2 airers so it dries quicker. We don’t have space for a tumble dryer unfortunately. I will however, make better use of the delay timer and I also think DH should be putting the load on when he gets home so I can then hang it whilst he does bath time.
Key point is that we cook twice, once for the children and then DH will cook our evening meal. Needs to stop, plus your meal suggestions are so helpful I have made a list.

Usual evening after 7pm would be to put the washing on, empty airer from the day before and put away whilst DH cooks dinner. I also try to wash towels/bedding that I’ve swapped at the weekend where I can. I clean the toilet, DS has a very poor aim + cat litter tray. Eat dinner, then I get up and clear the kitchen, wash up lunch boxes etc. Repack bags. Do marking/prep for school day ahead. Upstairs for about 9.30-10, shower (+hair dry every other night), hang washing up and then collapse into bed to do it all again the following day.

I’d like to go for a swim/run in the evening but I’m honestly boggled how anyone has time to do it. I really need to prioritise myself a bit because life is having an impact on my mental health and I know I am feeling low.

I think it’s a mix of me lowering some standards, and looking more closely at snippets of time where we could both be multitasking.

Oh god cooking twice is the biggest time waster.
If you cooked once and all eat together at 6.30pm, then once the children are in bed your both free to help with any chores and get 30 mins free to exercise. Plus cooking twice is double washing up as well.

Omg I can't believe it

How coincidental - my childminder has just emailed all of the parents to say this morning that we can pay extra for breakfast and or tea (she operates 7am to 6pm)

This is a solution the days they go there!

Batch cook and replace baths with showers. Just get the washing part done without all the fun and splashing.

We eat together around 6.30pm, children only have a bath twice a week on school nights, 4yo goes to bed at 7.30, 8yo goes to bed at 8.30.
I do things like hang up laundry during bath time.

I hear you. I struggle too.

I have 4 DC but only 2 at primary (one at sixth form and one just about to leave for Uni- sob!)

I get home at 5ish. We try and have dinner by half 5 because if I sit down il never get up. I do often cook Saturdays and then freeze...but yes we very often have oven pizzas or chip shop which isn't ideal but we are just managing!
Sometimes if the older ones are home they do put pasta on for me.
Then clean up, home work, playtime. I do midweek showers for mine as its just quicker.

Dc are 9 and 5 and go to bed at 8.00 and then lights off at 8.30pm. While they are in bed I put washing away then go in and say goodnight.

I do feel like I'm always rushing etc but my husband does the bits I don't do.

It's hard

Our evenings are manic. I have started to batch cook on a Sunday so I make 3 meals for the week and also one of each for the freezer. I wfh on one day per week so try and cook on that night and we have a dirty dinner another night (fish fingers. Chips beans etc). We have 4 DC and they are older now but that means they all do clubs but we don't eat together that often so meals are ones that can be heated easily (a lot of one pots).

We have a robot hoover which comes on every night.

All uniform for the week washed and ironed on the weekend.

I do an exercise activity once per week which gets me out of the house for exercise. I find that because it's a commitment I can't just ditch it. For the rest of the week I try and do quick HIT workouts at home 2/3 times per week via YouTube and walk in my lunch break at work.

Although it's hard, it's nice to know that we're all in a very similar situation!

Can you childcare feed the DC? Our childminder does (for a fee, of course). We all get through the door at 6. DC read to me and then have half an hour of screen time. One has a bath whilst the other has a shower then it’s milk, teeth and stories all done by 8. One of us cooks supper whilst the other tidies up.

Laundry is on a timer the night before and I throw it on the line in the morning whilst DH gets everyone’s breakfast.

Thanks for starting this thread, OP. DH works away Mon-Fri so it's just me and the DC during the week. Thankfully I'm a TA so it's just school hours for me apart from 2 late days a week but we're still home by 5pm.

I meal plan and freeze a lot. They used to have a bath every night but I'm having to scale that back to three nights a week with a flannel wash in between. I only wash clothes three or so times a week, put the machine on a timer to come on early hours, then it's on the maiden/line whilst the DC are having their breakfast.

Youngest DC needs to be in bed 6.45pm otherwise she's just so tired, so it is a bit of a rush. Then older DC does hair/teeth/school reading with me in my bed and then she has a little reading time in her own bed while I finish the tidying/lunch boxes downstairs. I'm normally all done and in bed watching TV for 8pm.

Its by no means perfect but I do manage to muddle through. It seems to work better without DH here to wind them up/make a load of mess (lighthearted - kind of).

My children are the same ages. I usually get home at 6.25 and DH is usually putting dinner on the table for all 4 of us as I get in. Then they play/have screens for about 15 minutes while one of us clears the table, makes DS1's snack for school and washes water bottles and the other sorts out uniform and book bags, hangs up washing/puts clean clothes away. Then up to bed, one child each for home reading, stories and bed. We do baths twice a week, so only one weeknight. On that night one of us does that while the other clears the table. Run bath for 4yo then turn shower on for 7yo (we are lucky to have 2 bathrooms) so they can be done simultaneously. Whoever gets their child down to bed quicker does any last bits of sorting out, so usually we can sit down for the evening when they are both down. We do have a cleaner, but we also both have jobs that mean we are often doing bits of work in front of the TV in the evening. I do the meal planning and make sure that the weeknight meals are either quick and easy (fajitas, stir fry, sausages, pasta, pizza), or I've made the main part at the weekend (lasagne/curry/stew/pie). DC have school dinners.

they get a hot school dinner and/or depending on the day the childminder feeds them their evening meal before I pick them up, other days I have something to be reheated or made quickly in the fridge.

DH in a similar mucky job is responsible for his own washing and has enough work stuff to get him through the week and do a big wash at the weekend. Is your DH putting on a whole set of clean clothes every day? It's more usual I think in those sort of trades for at least the trousers to be dusted off and worn at least another day unless very heavily soiled?

I buy enough school uniform that I don't have to wash every day, If it comes home clean it gets taken off them and them into pyjamas. I also have a tumble dryer though which makes a world of difference in an emergency.

reading books are done in the morning after breakfast.

I do a combination of premaking things like lasagne / bolognese / shepherds pie which can sit in the fridge until needed, I ask DH put them in the oven when he gets in.

If they have had a hot meal at school I don't bother with a hot tea, they get a sandwich, carrot and cucumber a boiled egg (I boil loads at the start of the week and they get snacked on throughout the week from the fridge) and some crisps.

my house gets properly cleaned at the weekend by me and I've had to accept it's a mess the rest of the time because no one else does anything. During the week I do the dishwasher, keep kitchen sides and floor clean. Bathroom waits till the weekend.

When I work we get in 515. I usually pre prep meals so it's normally ready in 15/20 min. Usually something like pasta or bulgar wheat. Dc is very picky he eats at school club then I get him beans or eggs on toast. I work part time so on days off I pre prep veg and also batch cook spag bol/curry etc so it's ready to re heat on busier days. We eat tea then do homework then play switch for 45 min. Bed at 730. Dh or I do pots while other is doing switch. I do laundry etc on non work days

DH collected DD around 5.30pm, I was home around 6pm.

Dinner for all of us at 7pm, DH would normally cover reading, spelling, times table during the time I cooked dinner. There are tons of easy meals which are healthy and only take around 30-40 minutes.

Unless totally dirty or sweaty we didn't do daily showers/bath for her. Decent wash and brush teeth and good night story and light out at 8pm. When she was 9 we moved to showers in the morning.

DH cleaned the kitchen and I would put a wash on if necessary (maybe 3x a week).

We had a cleaner most of the time and it does make a difference. So that was one luxery we decided to have.