If you’ve got primary age children, please tell me about your post school evenings!

[BusyEve]

Feeling really burnt out with life. Husband and I both work long hours, he comes home having picked children up by 5.30, I get home around 6.30.

At the moment the children aren’t eating quality meals, and I feel bad for it, but we are living by convenience. They then get in the bath at 6.30 and into bed for approx 7. I miss them but I am always there for the bedtime story.

Evening consists of clearing up, putting laundry away/doing another load/hanging it up at 10pm, a meal of some description, packed lunch prep/work etc etc. I’m lucky if I get 30 mins to sit down before I need to get ready for bed. I’m never in bed before 11.

I am so worn out. I have neglected myself massively but I can’t see how to change anything. Money is tight, I can’t afford a cleaner nor cut my hours. Surely I’m missing something? Children are 7 and 4.

@BusyEve

One thing I find a godsend is my slow cooker it really helps with mid-week meals and my air fryer is super quick too

Convenience food is generally more money but some "cook from scratch" items in the slow cooker is maybe an idea

I'm the same tho would love a cleaner just can't stretch to it

I don't work full time but I don't wash every day and my kids are the same ages. What are you washing every night? Can you put it to come on in the morning and hang it out before you go out then put away in the evening?
I only put away at the weekend and have school uniform boxes for in the week so the only stuff we need mon-fri is clean uniform. They rewear stuff as long as it's not dirty so just need clean pants and socks which I do at the weekend. What does your husband do to help? We often clear the dishes in the morning too.

After school we chill for abit then do homework. Have tea, baths on sunday, tuesday and Thursdays and bed.
They have clubs on tuesday and thursdays so that might have to change and it depends if they sign up to any school clubs.
Do you do washing every night?
Can you do more at the weekend and maybe a load on a wednesday or something!?
I can see why you're worn out. Could you meal prep on a sunday then freeze it for the week ahead? I wouldn't worry about what they're eating too much as long as they're eating-are you eating properly? As that can affect your mood...

With the meals, batch cooking is your friend for in the week. Make the effort to do decent meals at weekends. So what if they have something really quick and easy like egg, beans and toast a couple of nights a week.

Do they really need a bath every single night? That would save a lot of time and energy. Have never done daily baths, my DC are perfectly clean and presentable.

Well it's just me and one child,

But we're home about 5:30. I cook tea, we eat. Then he plays watches TV whilst I do the dishes. Then about 6:30pm it's any homework or reading. Then we spend the evening together till 8pm when he goes to bed.

I wipe the kitchen down and tidy up the living room (put toys away in the box in the corner). I only do washing loads on a Tuesday night and a Saturday night.

I go to bed about 10.30pm

We wake up at 7am. I serve breakfast, he watches cartoons, I iron his school clothes and do the packed lunches, breakfast dishes go in the sink. And we are out of the house by 8.30am.

I don't find it too bad.

Also to add we wash every morning and brush teeth. No daily baths or shower.

We smell just fine. DS just has a Sunday night bath. I jump in the shower and wash my hair 3 times a week in the evening but it's literally like 10minutes whilst he's watching TV down stairs 7pm -8pm.

Weekday evenings are very mundane. Kids have a snack, do their homework, go to whatever activity they have on that day, come home eat dinner, then bedtime which takes forever as I still have to read with my youngest child. I often don't come back downstairs until 10pm. I iron once a week when I'm watching a prerecorded tv programme and I rarely go to bed before midnight but I'm not up until 7am and I make lunches in the mornings. Kids shower twice a week and don't appear dirty. In hotter weather, they shower every evening as suncream doesn't seem to apply properly otherwise. Washing up/laundry are shared between us whenever we get a chance. We both work from home so that makes things easier. But...we spend half a day every weekend cleaning the house properly which I really resent. Rarely get a chance to do bigger jobs such as cleaning windows, basic gardening which also needs to be done. Its tough going yet my sibling tells me I should be studying in the evenings....

Not sure how old your children are OP but I think you're putting them to bed too early. Mine (5 and 7) don't go to bed until 7.45/8.15 respectively which gives us plenty of time to eat together, give them a bath and read together. We also work full-time and get home between 5 30 and 6.

Meals in the week are home-cooked but quick (pasta, stir fry etc.). One of us does some laundry/washes up while the other does bath/bed. Most of the laundry we do at the weekend. Once the children are in bed we do about another 30 mins of housework and then sit down at 9. Everything would be massively rushed if we had to get them in bed for 7.

I'm an ace at quick dinners. Due to work or activies we're not in the door till after six Mon- Thurs. Most nights I pan fry protien, salmon/ cod/ porkchops/ lambchops whilst it's cooking a rainbow salad (not mixed just stripes on a serving plate) bagged baby spinach or iceberg lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, peppers, carrot sticks maybe some fruit cut into slices plums/ pears apples/ a punnet of grapes, whatever is in the fridge really. I shop at aldi and I'm really lucky with the yellow sticker section at the local co-op so it's not too expensive.

Reading, get kids to do homework, get a wash on, empty/ reload dishwasher is pretty much all I do on weeknights. Try and multitask so when I'm making dinner I'll get DC to read to me.

I would pick ds up and be home around 5:30. Feed him, do homework, then dh would be home in time to do his bath. I would read a story while dh got his own dinner /loaded dishwasher, ds would be settled in bed before 8 which gave us a good couple of hours to ourselves.

We would spend a couple of hours one weekend morning on housework (usually have a tesco delivery arriving at same time). loading/unloading washing machine is a 10 min job, we dont iron much.

I feel the same OP. We have young children too who also go to bed at about 7. We get in at 5.30 with kids from after school club. Then normally quick dinner (I do make sure they have vegetables with everything but normally quick air fryer stuff). I do bedtime routine. DH tidies and does dishwasher. We also do a load of washing a night and bathtime but I'm thinking of changing that to every other night. I also work in the evenings so find I don't get anytime to myself. It is exhausting but also can't see an alternative.

4 Dc, 3 (7,6 & 5) are at primary school youngest Dc is 3.5 & at preschool 3 days. I work part time/study full time & Dh works full time. After school if not at clubs they have play or we colour in, play a game for 20 minutes do something simple together & any homework. I then make dinner for 5.30-6pm. Either DH or I load the dishwasher & tidy the kitchen whilst the kids watch a bit of tv. The 7 & 6 year old can work the shower independently and hop in for a quick wash, the I or Dh sorts the younger two Dc. Older two watch a bit of tv whilst whilst the younger two have stories and go to bed. Then the older ones separately and have a story before they go to bed. At 7.45-8pm. They then read independently but lights out at 8.30pm on a week night. I sort a load of washing whilst it’s shower time or the kids brush teeth. Other small chores are done in the morning. I have to study in the evening and I start at about 8.30-9pm, DH works watches tv. Dinners are something quick, put in slow cooker or I batch cook, so when I make a soup /cottage pie I triple my portions & freeze so there is lots of home cooked meals. Fresh veg or frozen veg if time pressed. Housework I do one morning a week before study/lectures. Food shop done by either. Packed lunches in morning. It’s more manic on club nights. We are both knackered some days and it takes planning. I don’t take care of myself like I used to though but it’s improving.

Does your 7 year old need to be in bed at 7pm? Maybe you could enjoy some time together until 7.30pm and then do bedtime. You might feel like you are in less of a rush.

Dd has a mixture of collection by her Gran and after school club. I pick her up after work at 5.30 from either of these places.

When we get home we take the dog for a walk, then have tea. Watch an hour or so of TV and she goes to bed. We haven't bathed every night for ages. She's now final year of primary so will shower herself whist DH cooks.

I do housework on my day off, in between I do a quick surface tidy each morning before we leave the house and each night before bed (mostly because we have a new dog who is in to everything!!) I keep on top of washing by putting a wash on delayed start every morning so I can hang it out whilst DH cooks the dinner.

We don't do a bath every night, and my DD goes to bed at 8, 7 seems very early.

We do all our washing on the weekend.

Schoool dinnrs so no packed lunch prep

Do you really need to wash everyday? It’s more energy efficient and costs less to wash when you have a full load.

Meal planning and batch cooking are your best friend. I tend to prep 2-3 meals on a Sunday, that wat we can just heat up and stream some fresh veg on the day we are eating them, I also use the slow cooker 1-2 times a week. The meal prep only takes an hour on a Sunday but it worth it in my opinion.

Meal planning, batch cooking and washing when needed will save you a lot of money so perhaps you could budget for a cleaner to come in once a month to help with the money saved?

I do also think 7pm is rather early for bedtime at that age bug I suppose you know how much sleep your kids need.

I think with a bit of planning you can make your evenings less stressful 😊

I agree with those saying the children don't need a bath every day, laundry doesn't need to be done every day, and 7pm is very early for bedtime - DS is 7 and goes to bed at 8 or 8:30. However I know it can feel like a treadmill, and I recognise the part about never getting to bed before 11, and hardly getting any time to relax and look after yourself. I think that is the downside of working when you have young children.

But don't be afraid to cut a few corners to lighten the load!

Mine shower so much quicker than a bath. And every other day or every third day.

Homework/reading etc they do on a morning because they are early risers.

Could they have a school dinner? That way you wouldn't need to worry they hadn't had a reasonably nutritious meal that day.But if not, don't feel you have to cook 'recipes from scratch' every night.It seems like everyone on mumsnet does (same as bathing/showering every day) but I doubt everyone actually does in reality! Eating from jars and boxes sometimes isn't the worst thing in the world, especially if it makes you less stressed and allows for more quality time with the children.Or if you want a middle ground, how about quick meals that are healthy such as salmon, New potatoes and Veg, Omelettes, homemade wedges and beans, or Stir-fry?

Also agree with the later bedtimes...8pm isn't unreasonable for a 7yo IMO.

At 7 and 4, I think bed at 7pm is very early. Shift to 8pm

I would also expect stuff done between 5.30pm-6.30pm when your dh is home with them, before you do. Do none of them do anything? Even at 4 and 7 years I think they can come in and be expected to empty and clean out their own lunchboxes, and stuff like shoes in correct places.

I would start using delay timer on washing machine. Either Load night before, have it turn on so it’s washed and ready to hang first thing at 7am, or timer so it’s loaded first thing and comes on mid afternoon ready for dh to hang at 5.30/6pm

Thanks for starting this thread OP. Mine are a similar age and we have exactly the same issues mid week. We use the slow cooker, particularly in winter, which helps and the DC only bathe twice a week. Ours go to bed as near to 7 as possible because they also go to breakfast club from 7:30 four days a week so up at 6:30am so can't really do later bedtimes sadly. We also have work to do in the evenings so no time to ourselves really.

I too would love any tips from others who work outside the home (so not WFH) & who arrive back at approx 5:30/6 needing to put a very quick dinner on the table for small children! @womaninatightspot your dinner suggestions were v helpful!

I have looked into getting an after school nanny (student type person) so the kids can come straight home from school which would a bit more expensive (but not excessively so)...but the potential unreliability of this arrangement is putting me off.

Put them to bed at 7.30pm not 7. Put washing on before you go to bed, hang it up in the morning or get a tumble dryer (very quick to load). Our children do shower every night but it’s quick. We divide and conquer - so one of us will be doing the reading while the other is showering a child or loading the dishwasher. We aim to sit down by 8.30pm. Sometimes it’s a bit later

Surely you're missing a trick here....you and your husband are doing housework from 7pm - 10pm every night. That's 42 hours of housework a week?!?!?!

Keep the kids up later, where are they earing now, who feeds them dinner? Massively reduce your standards. Prioritise rest and relaxation once kids are in bed. Or go for a run if you want to.

With 2 children and a husband who pulls his weight there's no reason for you to be doing chores til 10pm.

I'm either sat on my arse or doing a hobby by 8pm every night, I've children he same age as yours, but we also fit in their hobby clubs etc. You're missing a trick.

It's quite hard when they are that age as they do need to go to bed a bit earlier, especially if you are up and out the door early in the morning. These are my quick and healthy ish midweek meals.

Jacket potatoes - tuna and sweetcorn or cheese and beans with salad. Use oven timer so they go in first thing and will be ready when we get home.

Butternut squash soup -roughly chop into large chunks, discard seeds, add a quartered onion, a couple of carrots and some garlic cloves. Drizzle with olive oil, salt and pepper. Set to bake for 35 mins, use oven timer again if you have one. When you get home chuck in a pan with water and stock pot and simmer for 10 mins while some part bake rolls cook. Blend with a stick blender. Also works for root vegetables or tomato soup

Cauliflower cheese - made the night before and baked when you get home, serve with crusty bread. Could chuck some sausages in the oven too.

Chicken drumsticks cooked the night before, salad, coleslaw, corn on the cob.

Salmon, minted peas and New potatoes, all cooked on the hob, takes 10 -15 mins.

Sausage casserole in the slow cooker with all the leftover veg added served with pasta.

Quich and salad.

Spag bol /chilli, sauce made night before or bath cooked from freezer and taken out to defrost the night before. All you need to do is cooked the pasta or rice.

Something sort of ready meal /junk on swimming night, pizza, pasta microwave meals because we get back so late.

I hear you OP - life does feel like a hamster wheel sometimes. Can you do things on a bit more of a rota - so don't bathe them every night and don't do cleaning every night, have planned meals so you're not wasting mental energy deciding what to cook and agree with moving bedtimes a bit later.

DD is 9 and we've just moved her bedtime to 8.30, lights out by 9 and so far (fingers crossed) it's made bedtimes go much more smoothly.