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Original poster

How to tell someone something that may hurt their feelings

29 replies

Bertha1924 · 10/09/2022 11:50

Firstly i will admit I am a bit of a pussy when it comes to telling people what I really think (mostly due to my ex being very controlling). I’ve met up with an old flame and we are getting on famously and I have over at his place. However the next morning he wasn’t wearing his dentures and apart from looking about 20 years older without them I just find him really unattractive and it puts me off. He obviously feels comfortable around me to do this. How can I tell him to wear his dentures without hurting his feelings? Can anyone draft me a text as I couldn’t say it face to face. Thanks all.

OP posts:

neverstophopping · 10/09/2022 12:23

You can't say that, it will be awfully embarrassing for him and will make him feel terrible. Imagine he told you to put on a bra as he didn't like the way your boobs looked

Antarcticant · 10/09/2022 12:26

You can't reasonably ask him to have his dentures in all the time if he doesn't want to. Dentures aren't always comfortable. I think you'll have to learn to live with how he looks naturally, or accept that sadly the attraction isn't there any more so the relationship isn't viable.

beonmywaythen · 10/09/2022 12:58

I would maybe mention something about keeping the mystery alive? My husband and I don't poo in front of each other bc it's gross and you aren't attracted to someone after a lot of that. So I'd say something in a jokey way about it...

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FinallyHere · 10/09/2022 13:05

If it really is an issue for you, then your best chance, I think, is to apologise for it being an issue for you. Say you are really sorry, you didn't expect that you would react like this, don't want to be shallow but it really bothers you to see him without teeth.

See what he does with that info.

Then decide where to take it from there.

I absolutely get it. DH is much older than me and I remember when we first got together I said to my self 'if he turns out to have dentures, that would be a red line for me'. Many decades later, he is getting older and that is the easiest art of old age to bear.

Sunsetskies90 · 16/09/2022 10:47

To be honest OP, I think its a no-go. Its inevitable that he won't want to wear his dentures all of the time and you can't expect him to and by telling him you don't like seeing him without them will pressurise him into wanting to keep you happy and may well be hurtful to him. Its a case of accepting him as he is.

orangeisthenewpuce · 16/09/2022 10:49

Omg id hate that. I'd say something but put it in a jokey way. But I have no problems in speaking my mind but I try to be kind about it.

idontthinksodou · 16/09/2022 10:57

This depends on the context for me.

Was he wearing his dentures whilst you were intimate then took them out to sleep hence why you saw him without them in the morning?

If this is the case then what do you expect him to do, sleep in them?! You have no right to expect him to do that especially in his own house/bedroom etc. As another poster has said, how would you feel if it was the other way round?

pawkins · 16/09/2022 11:03

I think that’s a difficult topic to raise. I think I’d be very hurt if someone said I looked better when not wearing my glasses or they didn’t like my stomach when I was undressed and they’d like if I could take off my glasses and put on my dressing gown when they’re around.

You could raise a conversation about considering implants but I think as we age we change and if you aren’t attracted to him ‘warts and all’ then the spark may not be there after all?

I sympathise though but your DP can’t help how he looks.

snowbellsxox · 16/09/2022 11:05

Just say you have a phobia of gums 😂

Speedweed · 16/09/2022 11:06

He might have done it just to test your feelings...if you like him, best to say nothing until you know whether it's a habit or was a test

Draughtycatflapreturns · 16/09/2022 11:11

How about “Hey, Mr Gummy Bear. Put yer chops back in before my fanny slams shut for good”.

Pancakeorcrepe · 16/09/2022 11:14

@Draughtycatflapreturns 😂😂😂😂😂

Fuwari · 16/09/2022 11:15

Nowadays people don’t need to take their dentures out for long periods of time and if they’re uncomfortable they should be going back to the dentist. Was this the first time you stayed over? I actually think it was a bit off on his part. Like he felt he no longer needed to make an “effort” now you’ve stayed over. I have a top denture myself so I do understand, but I wouldn’t be letting someone I was interested in see me without it for a very long time, if ever! So actually I would say something like “it’s fine you wear dentures, not a problem, but would you mind keeping them in, thanks”. Bright and breezy, no big deal. If he gets offended that’s on him.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 16/09/2022 11:15

.1924, you're doing well Bertha.

orangeisthenewpuce · 16/09/2022 11:29

Draughtycatflapreturns · 16/09/2022 11:11

How about “Hey, Mr Gummy Bear. Put yer chops back in before my fanny slams shut for good”.

NeckFanInSoftPlay · 16/09/2022 11:50

Sounds like you've got the 'ick' OP. There's no going back from this point

harriethoyle · 16/09/2022 12:04

@Draughtycatflapreturns 😆😆😆😆

XenoBitch · 16/09/2022 13:01

Wow, imagine how you would feel if he came here to post about you not wearing make-up in the morning.

edme · 16/09/2022 13:55

Please don't text him about that! You need to try to tell him in person.

21secondstogo · 16/09/2022 14:35

I don’t think you should tell him. You have to accept him as he is and if he is comfortable without his dentures that’s up to him.

Having said that my elderly parents have a denture each and they have never even for five minutes not worn it from as soon as they get up in the morning. In fact I only knew my father had one when he was taken into hospital recently.

pilates · 16/09/2022 14:44

You cannot say anything to him. If you can’t accept he wears dentures you need to end the relationship.

Elieza · 16/09/2022 14:54

I’d be all:

‘Any chance you can keep your plate in a bit more when I’m around please. I know I’m pathetic but the thought of teeth being pulled or knocked out just gives me the creeps and when I see your gums I just feel a bit weak thinking of all the dental pain and all. You look so good when they are in (insert pet name), I just can’t help my silly phobia sorry, is that ok snookums ?(or other pet name)

If it’s a dealbreaker he will soon tell you.

If they are hurting and that’s why, encourage him to get them adjusted. Our faces change shape so perhaps he needs them replaced.

Sodonerightnow · 16/09/2022 14:57

beonmywaythen · 10/09/2022 12:58

Really? My DH has seen me lying on an operating table with my insides visible while our children were pulled out.

Sitting on the toilet isn't quite as bad in comparison TBH.

Googlecanthelpme · 16/09/2022 15:02

Nah see I don’t think you can say anything OP.

Imagine if he said can you keep your bra on because your saggy boobs make me less attracted to you. You’d be mortified. It’d ruin the relationship and it’d give you a complex going forward.

if you really cannot tolerate the thought of being around him without them in then I don’t think you can realistically have a relationship with him.

it’s not pleasant no but it’s the reality of life, we all have our less attractive attributes.

The only thing you could possibly do is not mention it yet and next time you stay over if it happens again just act surprised and say “oh wow i didn’t realise how much of a difference your dentures make, you look very….different” and hope he gets the message. If he doesn’t; well that leaves one option really.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 16/09/2022 15:03

I sometimes have to say this to my DH and I kiss him sweetly on the neck and just whisper “put your teeth in baby”. It softens the blow.

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