Why no interest from the opposite sex?

[Messangel]

Not me though, my 20 yo DD.

She is tall (6ft), slim, pretty with a great smile. Outgoing and chatty.
(obviously I'm totally biased but am trying to temper my bias here). She's in University and has a good group of friends (mostly male because her girl friends are all in serious relationships).

She is dispirited about this and I don't know what to say to comfort her.

She doesn't send a lot of time at home in our small, rural village but at her uni in a city. She spent summer in another city where she socialised loads and met lots of people but no one showed interest.

She says on two occasions friends were approached by guys and said: i have a bf but have you met MiniMess here? To which, on both occasions, they looked her up and down and said no thanks!

She says oh, I look like a guy (she doesn't!) I'm too tall (she is not freakishly tall). I can't think of anything she can do to change this. She did meet a guy last year in uni but he was horrible to her and broke her heart, she says she made all the moves towards him so she's obviously no shy. There has been no interest from anyone since she says.

Any advice? Similar stories with a happy ending?

She is happy in her herself but feels like everyone seems to have people interested in them but no one ever in her.

I was the same! No interest from boys in my teen years or as a student. Often was complimented, had tons of boy mates but didn't click with anyone romantically. At 22 I decided to do OLD, had a couple of dates with some guys who I didn't gel with and then met my now DH. I think it's even the same now tbh - there was a thread recently with women saying all their male friends are in their dms and flirting with them even when they and the men are in relationships / married. That's never happened to me ever! Maybe I'm just very unattractive 😂 your dd sounds gorgeous though - if she was mine I'd tell her to keep her standards high and rememeber while having a boyfriend is nice, it doesn't define her and she can live a very full and happy life without one. I did loads of travelling and socialising when I was young, free and single and had a ball. And I'm sure she will meet someone in time!

there are plenty of tall girls around with boyfriends.

I agree with previous posters about the height thing. Whilst there's absolutely nothing wrong with her height a lot of young guys are intimidated by tall women. My fiancee is actually the first partner of mine who is significantly taller than me, and I'm only 5'8 so I'm not giant but I am "tall for a woman in the UK". They reckon the average UK male is around 6ft but I can tell you from my dating history that most of the guys I met were my height or smaller, and it messes with their egos 🤦‍♀️

I’m 5’9 and attract men like flies to honey. I’ve been told I look a bit like Taylor Swift.

Tell her to aim for men over 6’2, not the midgets who will be intimidated by her height. There’s plenty of very tall men out there! Also tell her to read the book The Rules. I know it’s frowned upon on here, but it bloody works, regardless of feminist ideals. Take her to a make up counter and have her make up done by a professional, and buy the make up they recommend for her as a treat.

Stop fixating on the height.

There’s nothing she - well, any of us- can do about fishing for interest without it being depressing after a while. DD’s best bet is to spend time on other stuff, which will be incredibly annoying for her to hear but reaps benefits down the line.

It is funny you should mention the marriage-type thing. My son is 19 and he and all his mates are in committed relationships. Is it a trend amongst current young adults I wonder ? When I was 19 back in the dark ages, most of us were single or “dating”.

I think at the age she is, her height will go against her. As she gets older, men will love her height. Many young men are insecure and just look for a girl who fits an average stereotype.

5ft 9in is not the same as 6ft. At your height, you will benefit from having long legs but many men will still be taller than you. At 6ft, this won't be the case.

I’d say, the best thing she can do is to go for the men she is interested in rather than wait for some random bloke to hit on her.
At least she will know she has some attraction to him. Whereas a guy hitting on her might well it be to her taste at all!

After that the ‘small blond girl’ stereotype might be alive but seeing that a small % of women are like that…. these men will have to adjust lol.
Same with ‘oh those tall girls are frightening’. (Next it will be those well educated women or those women with good jobs - better than mine)

Best Imo is to ignore the stereotype. And go for what she wants

Tell her to walk tall and make the most of her height and beauty, she will find men who appreciate her and aren´t intimidated by her. In the mean time, she can concentrate on all the other things that are important in life, education interests, sports etc because being engaged and enthusiastic about things is always attractive. And tell her never to consider her friends sloppy leavings.

My dd is tall, she did not have much interest in opposite sex either. She joined tinder and met her bf that way.

I’m back again because I really relate to your OP and empathise with your daughter. I wish there was a way to show her that it all turns out okay, and I wish I’d been able to show myself the same highlights reel as a young adult who felt so “othered” in comparison to my friends. I’m not saying I have the love story to end all love stories, not at all, but I have enjoyed the interest of many men (and women), balanced alongside all the other things that make life wonderful such as hobbies, friends, family and my work. And I’ve grown to recognise when the behaviour of my female friends comes from a place of envy or insecurity and when it’s genuine and true. She needs to surround herself with those girls who aren’t afraid to shower her with love and compliments, not the ones who see her as a weird awkward charity case.

I just want to promise her that it will all be totally okay, she will be revered and admired up close and from afar by so many people throughout her life, don’t let it become a complex or something she dislikes about herself. This little patch of mud she’s wading through will eventually dry up and the sun will shine. It’s difficult to be brazen and stand out, when you’re at an age where all you want is to just fit in, but she just needs to keep her head held high, play to her height and carry on regardless. …and maybe consider modelling? At 36 I am constantly told “you should be a model” and I know that ship has probably sailed for me, but I wish I’d looked into it when I was your daughters age, I wish I’d had the confidence.

There are lots of very tall girls now.My Sons friend is probably around that height and has a BF .I think she should maybe join some sports clubs at Uni where her height is appreciated .Netball maybe ,this will give her confidence .TBH lots of young boys are probably not very confident, or experienced and will go for the obvious "little blonde" one .Her friends seem a bit shallow to say the least! I think she should maybe not worry about BF ATM.TBH after Uni these RL of her friends will probably falter anyway.

I'm the same height.

I'm not really interested in dating much shorter men and most of the time it's mutual. Yes this means there is a smaller dating pool but who cares, you only need one man.

Please just make sure she stands up tall and keeps that great posture! She is never going to be the tiny blonde but her short friends are never going to be the bombshell supermodel! Swings and roundabouts!

If she has a lot of male friends though she may like to think about how she dresses / behaves. I used to be in this boat and wore a lot of casual clothes, would banter with the lads etc. It can be hard to get guys to see you as a sexual/romantic interest if you're "one of the lads". I'm still not super feminine but now wear more clothes that show my figure, fit nicely, don't hide that I am a woman - and get much more male interest.

Agree her friends should cut out the "what about my friend" bullshit, god how condescending. I'd hate that.

This is so true. If her friends behave like this I also suspect they're not doing much in terms of boosting her confidence and self-worth.

One of my closest friends is about 6’2” and her husband is around 5’8”. Lots of my daughters’ friends are properly tall, over 6’ and they tend to go out with shorter men as there are more shorter men than very tall men. I think the secret is to be happy within yourself and then you attract happy people. Easier said than done.

Theres an on light and an off light.

When your light is on you are much more approachable, you are likely to mirror the bloke you are talking to and flatter them too. You will definitely tease them. Your appearance really doesn't matter

When your light is off you are giving do not approach vibes. This might be because you are shy or haven't had many good experiences with men. You probably have a fair few Male friends, you wont have noticed at least one of them is interested in you

Some women's lights are pretty much always on by nature. Sometimes some people dont realise the vibes they are giving off. But I will put money on that being the reason your daughter isnt being approached.