I’m really not ok. Can life improve?

[Beithail]

I’m alone, pregnant, job hanging in the balance, ex won’t communicate, I am not eating, I’m lonely, supposed to be moving closer to family but they aren’t around much anyway and now I’m worried about that too, just going to a quieter area. Purchase is taking forever so it’s stressful and I’m now weeks from due date. Been so stressed I’m worried about the baby, the kicking pattern is really unusual and one day it’s strong the next it’s mild. Worried they’re not ok.

i used to be good fun. Witty. Attractive. Excited for the future. I don’t know how I will recover or be happy again.

I didn't want to read and run. That sounds like such a lot to be dealing with at once. It's normal to be anxious about any of those things, and when you are in the hormonal whirlwind of late pregnancy it can be hard to feel that things will ever change or that you'll feel different. However I can promise that how you feel WILL change with the passing of time - it won't always be like this. Can you focus on meeting your baby soon? Do you know what you're having? Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way

You will recover and life will get better again, you will find a new you but at times it can feel relentless. Have you spoken to your midwife about how you are feeling? Antenatal depression is real and treatable so it would be worth a chat with your GP too.

I’ve reached out to midwives and I’m having support but life feels so horrendous. I can’t bond with the baby at all. It almost doesn’t feel real.

im worried they will look like my ex or behave like my ex.

im scared of being on my own.

i used to be so strong and confident. I am neither anymore.

Yes life will improve. It might be very tough for a while but IME having some seriously tough times in life actually makes you happier long term, as when you get past them, you really appreciate the small, good things in life.

You will most likely become strong and confident again because having a child brings out a sort of pierce powerful love in most women (even if it is delayed by PND - which might happen, but if it does, you can deal with it and move past it). Once you have a child you have an overwhelming sense of purpose in the world. You will regain that confident strength and direct it towards making a good life for you and your child.

Babies kick less as they get bigger. I don't remember my babies kicking much at all in the last few weeks. But check if you need to - ask for a scan. Maybe discuss potential PND due to your circumstances with both your HV and any trusted family member so if it does happen, there are people keeping an eye out to step up and support you.

Try to have five small moments of pleasure a day - anything from listening to a song you love or watching a funny or uplifting TV show to enjoying a cup of tea in the bath. Maybe indulge in a bit of positive fantasy - make some lists of things you want to do with your child as they grow up or career plans you want to aim for once you are back in a position to focus on work.

Wherever you are living, make a corner in the home feel like a real sanctuary - a cosy chair with cushions and throws, soft lamplight, flowers or photos or a book you love, cup of tea in your favourite mug etc. It's not much but just the sight of an attractive corner to retreat to in all the chaos can be a comfort.