Chronic emotional stress in pregnancy, anyone had this? So worried about early labour or harm to baby

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Just that really. My ex left me at 4 months pregnant and to say I’ve been an emotional wreck would be an understatement. On top of that he’s already initiated divorce proceedings and I’m being thrown solicitor letters left right and centre.

Whilst there are two sides to every story I can honesty say that I didn’t see this coming and he has turned into a vile awful man to me. I feel so destroyed.

I wake up literally everyday heart racing before I am even fully awake. I feel sick most days and have diarrhoea most days. I have been referred to extra support with midwives. I am having all the support out there that I can and I have told his solicitor I can’t deal with this before birth as I am now 34 weeks pregnant.

I am absolutely terrified that the baby is affected or that I will have early labour. I am so scared. I am permanently anxious with high heart rate. It is horrendous.

Has anyone lived through anything similar and it been ok?

I don't have experience of this myself, but didn't want to read and run. It does sound like a terribly stressful situation, but even unborn babies are surprisingly resilient. Think of the thousands and thousands of babies born to mothers living in London, Liverpool, Coventry or other heavily bombed cities in WW2. Those mums endured night after night of air raid sirens going off, houses being bombed, the loss of friends and family members. If they had older children, they were probably evacuated to the relative safety of the countryside, but letting your children go to strangers would have been a worry in itself. Many of these women lost their husbands during the war, too.

But despite all the stress their mums were subject to during pregnancy, most of the babies were absolutely fine, and plenty of them are still walking around now as healthy 80-somethings.

So, do whatever you can to reduce the stress you are facing, but try not to worry about it affecting your baby, because it probably won't.

Good luck!

Can you try anything to help you physically calm down? Meditate, EFT, even deep breathing...I know its easier said than done but any of those will reduce the stress hormones/chemicals in our body and might help your mind too.

Even putting one hand on heart and one on tummy, talking to baby, telling it no matter what that it's safe, Mummy is just going through something - like you would of the baby was here and again it might trigger another part of your mind and give it something different to focus on..

Sing to baby, play lullabies (it can hear you now) - anything to create more calmness

Best of luck xx

Yes. My husband of 7 yrs (been together 18) one child already, left me in pregnancy and was horrendous to me in the 2nd half of my pregnancy over 11 yrs ago now. He had an affair. Never saw it coming. Completely threw me. Severe emotional stress in pregnancy.

I got through it. I had to for my baby and my child. They kept me going hour by hour. Had my baby at term - and I've come out the other side so much stronger and happier and so glad I'm not with him. My daughter (who he doesn't see, but he sees my older son) is an amazing happy girl.

You will get through it xxxx

Sorry you’re going through this op. I just wanted to let you know that I felt very similar to you throughout my second pregnancy. Extreme anxiety, panic attacks constantly, crying every day, very depressed, getting very little sleep and unable to cope with everyday life. I couldn’t put on any weight and the doctor was concerned about the size of the baby. I felt like I was completely emotionally wrung out.

That was 17 years ago. Baby was born at a healthy 7 pounds 13 Oz and labour was 100 times better than my first. He’s a happy, healthy, bright 17yr old. I was convinced when I was pregnant that my emotional state would damage him. He’s completely fine. Please focus on being kind to yourself, your baby will take what they need to thrive. You will get through this xx

@pingua @Blueberry40 thanks. I am not coping very well at all. Totally heartbroken about what should have been. Can’t stop thinking about it all. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sad, ever in my life. I can’t believe
he could do this to me. And divorcing me while I’m still pregnant I hair can’t cope. Xx

Oh my goodness OP. That is a lot. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, your baby is safe inside you, but you need lots of hugs and support right now. You will get through this, keep repeating that to yourself. x