Silly thing - referring to a 'best friend' to other close friends

[janeseymour78]

I consider myself to have 3 best friends, 1 of whom probably comes first, I'm going to be her maid of honor soon etc

Now I have a really close male friend of over 20 years who I consider a best friend. Recently we were together and he referred to another person in this way a couple of times - it took me by surprise, made me feel like a) chopped liver and b) petty for caring. It was like saying 'you're not by the way' & made me think we view the friendship differently to how I have always viewed it.

I admit I never refer to a 'best friend' to all my other friends because I'm mindful I could hurt someone's feelings. Am I right to think this is quite insensitive? I think it also triggers childhood me!

But you have other best friends so why can't he?

Yes, I really don’t like it either.

We're adults - brings to mind pictures of them being arm in arm going round the playground together.

I realise it’s not intended, but when someone says this to me - ie; refers to their best friend - it makes me feel remarkably devalued.

Lol at "chopped liver"

I have a very close male friend who did the same on a day out which included both me and his "best" friend. After several mentions I totally called him out on it (humorously). We all laughed and he shut up after that.

I confess: I've used the term best friend before but to people I'm not close to. My inner circle is a small group of my best friends, one of which get the dubious title of Oldest Friend.

Yes @Applebark but he refers to this person as 'my best friend X' as in the one and only.

I always refer to 'one of my best friends' or 'my close friend' - I don't know. It just hurt me and made me think the friendship isn't viewed equally. These other friends are people we are close to but we are each other's oldest friends. More like family now.

That's a good way of putting it @BackToGoingOnHoliday - it made me feel devalued.

I don't see it that way. It wouldn't bother me.

Wouldn't bother me. I have lots of friends but only one best one. Isn't that what best means?

The thing is, I've been referring to him as a best friend to others for years!

It just made me feel a bit of a mug. I refer to him and one other person this way.

I'm not my best friend's best friend. It doesn't bother me though.

I realise it’s not intended, but when someone says this to me - ie; refers to their best friend - it makes me feel remarkably devalued

Imagine how children feel when parent push this agenda.

“Good friends” or “close friends” sounds a lot less childish than “best friends” and would cause less hurt.

Is this a thing? I have a good few fantastic friends but have never even considered which of them might be my best friend.

I don't like it either- I think it creates a two tier divide, which always means the person it's said to is on the lower tier.

I just refer to 'friends' in general, or if I'm talking to someone who I consider a close friend I'll say close friend to them.

Agree. When it comes down to it @Speedweed I think it is insensitive. A friend of over twenty years you're close to...why would you rub their noses in it.

I keep my feelings on it to myself and don't create labels that make people feel ranked.

I agree, and I also discourage my 7yr old DD from using the term. It’s horrible to hear if it’s not being used about you.

I agree with you op. It always makes me feel like someone is saying to me 'I like you but there's someone I like more and much prefer the company of'. It always makes me feel a bit sad if my friends harp on about their 'besties', if I'm honest! I don't show it but I do!

Gosh. I don’t use the term ‘best friend’ and I don’t know anyone else who does either. As a pp said above, it’s a bit of a childish concept. My friends are all just ‘friends’, sometimes I might say ‘close friend’ if I need to emphasise that.

My dc don’t really have ‘best friends’ either, come to think of it.

YANBU OP. It's just a shame its taken you so long to realise it. The term "best friend" is divisive and upsetting for many people and parents shouldn't encourage their kids to use it.

I'm quite surprised at so many folk saying parents shouldn't encourage their children to use it. Is this common?

Now I think of it my mum has a 'best friend' but never advised me on how to describe my own friends. Anyways it's made me think he has a slight insensitive or mean streak I didn't realise was there.

Yes. Whenever an adult asks "who is your best friend?" or "Is she your bestie?" etc, it reinforces the concept.

This with bells 🔔 🛎

Also you can be best friends with someone but perhaps they have their own best friend also!