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Original poster

I’m in debt

23 replies

winterlovers · 07/09/2022 21:47

Just wanted to vent here i can’t tell anyone

ive got 1 month left on maternity and then I can start trying to pay it

but it’s hard I can’t now as I need my maternity pay to get by and I can’t go back esrlier due to childcare

but I’m in I’d say about 4 grand debt and I just hate it I feel sick and think about it all the time

OP posts:

SavingsThreads · 07/09/2022 21:48

Sympathies OP. Being a single parent is hard and the world is not set up to help with the costs of being alone!

Original poster

winterlovers · 07/09/2022 21:52

@SavingsThreads Thank you for your sympathies - I am not a single mum which makes it worse I feel!

i can’t really tell my partner as he’s a big saver and so savvy with money. Verging on tight I’d say so he’d get really upset if he knew this but I haven’t told him the extent of outgoings I’ve had whilst being on reduced pay

OP posts:

SavingsThreads · 07/09/2022 21:58

Oh OP. That's so sad. Why should you bear the cost of maternity leave?! Do you really think the set up you've got is fair? Would I be right in guessing you pay for more of the baby's things?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Antenatal & postnatal Debt Families Maternity leave

CombatBarbie · 07/09/2022 21:59

First thing is to not panic. What is the debt made up of? Is your credit score OK?

NerrSnerr · 07/09/2022 22:00

Has your partner been contributing towards your maternity leave or have you been trying to pay the same as you were before?

Dontstopmenowimhavingaball · 07/09/2022 22:00

Your partner is a dick
But I’ll await the drip feed of why you are in debt whislt he sits he sits on his savings…

Original poster

winterlovers · 07/09/2022 22:08

partner is covering all bills. I got 3 months full pay
I would never ask for his savings to sort my debts. Hes worked so hard for them the amount of overtime he did pre baby was so much
he does indeed buy a lot for our baby. We do have a baby who’s grew very fast so is 9mo and in 12-18 already so that’s been a cost, new vests, pyjamas and clothes frequently.

the debt is a credit card which is interest free (I have month payments going here) a store account and my overdraft. I do pay the store account due to interest but I’m in such a cycle of my overdraft it’s bad

ive had 2 big family birthdays this year and haven’t wanted to let people down which has been a contributing factor

my DP is amazing he is he doesn’t know the extent of this. And I don’t want to upset him and offer savings to me. His family constantly ask him for hand outs when they have any money trouble and I don’t to do that to him

OP posts:

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/09/2022 22:15

Gosh OP, I would certainly tell your partner - isn't that what they're for? to support in difficult times and try to help you work your way out of it without judgement?

Presumably this is his child and your change in earnings is because you are on maternity leave doing the bulk of the work in that respect. He surely knows you were on reduced earnings and should have sat down with you as a couple to work out what is ultimately family debt before it got into this situation. I think you are being incredibly hard on yourself factoring him out of this- he should have stepped up and if he had anything about him would do once he was told.

Cynderella · 07/09/2022 22:17

Easiest thing would be for your partner to settle your debt (or maybe just the ones charging interest) and pay him back. But if you don't want to do that, draw up a statement of your income and outgoings (lots of advice on this on MSE Debtfree Wannabe board) and write to your creditors asking them to freeze interest because you're struggling.

Write yourself an honest budget and work out how much you can throw at the debt. If you can afford it, consider snowballing by paying more to the debt that costs more in interest and minimum to others. When debt 1 is paid off, you do the same for the next one. If you can't afford it, fo to one of the free debt charities like Stepchange, CAB etc and get them to help with negotiating.

Then stay out of debt - spend less and/or earn more. Once I climbed out of that hole, I never slipped again. Staying out of debt is easier than getting out.

caringcarer · 07/09/2022 22:25

It is hard with a baby growing all the time. Tell your DH you owe money on store card. Ask if he will pay it off and you pay him back once back at work. You don't need to tell him about overdraft and credit card. Store cards are high interest and it is madness for him to be earning small interest in bank whilst you are having to pay high interest on store card. If he loves you he will help you sort it out and not judge. Give him the chance to stand up.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 07/09/2022 22:26

We are the same as you op. I'm on my three months of no pay and it is HARD. I actuall get a decent work pay scheme but all my money went to nursery fees for my 3yr old.
I have now taken out a credit card and basically everything we have to buy for three months has to go on that. I did get 0% interest for 2 years so I am not really worried about paying it off but I do hate having debt. We are never normally in any debt at all and never use cards so I do just hate the thought of it.
I get my annual leave pay in November so I am looking forward to that!

One thing we did was, our council offer a payment plan if you want to postpone council tax for a few months. So I filled out the online form and left the "proposal" blank and the woman called me. I explained the situation she suggested she stop the payments for Sep through to December and then we start paying it in January at a higher rate (but not too bad) and added on Feb and march when we usually don't pay. So that is something you can consider. I know it's just another thing to repay but if you have no money now it takes the burden off until you're back to work.

gospelsinger · 07/09/2022 22:26

If your dp is a good guy, you should tell him.

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/09/2022 22:27

Ring up Stepchange, who will help you reduce payments to a manageable level

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 07/09/2022 22:31

Oh and you will have to tell your partner. Why does he have savings whilst you've run out of money?
My situation is different in that my husband's pay covers mortgage, bills etc and we still don't have enough.

Passthecake30 · 07/09/2022 22:34

I would tell your dp, are you usually good with money? What does the debt consist of, other than the birthdays? If they are child related expenses, I’d suggest a joint account where they are funded from so it’s in the open, spend is joint decision. My dp and I have a joint ac where bills and dc spend come from, plus our own personal accounts.

Calmdown14 · 07/09/2022 22:44

Okay... don't panic

But you are going to have to be really honest with yourself about what this has gone on.
Did your partner pay all bills while you were still being paid for the three months?
Is it easy to spend money on maternity leave because you are bored at times and it can be justified as baby 'needs' it.

Something isn't adding up as this is what £500-£1000 a month into the red?
Some of that is probably fees. Maybe you are picking up food shopping to a greater extent than you realise.

You need to tell your partner. Ideally about all of it but at the very least that it is not adding up for you so that you can look at other ways to alter the household finances (cheaper food shop, cutting back on sky, sim only mobiles). Otherwise you are going to end up with even more debt.

But I think before you speak to him you need to sit down with bank statements store card statements and establish what your money goes on/ has gone on.
This isn't meant as a criticism, more that it's unrealistic not to spend anything so you need to establish what the level is you can't cut below.
It sounds like you may have been unrealistic from the off

Starfishswimmer · 07/09/2022 23:25

Why isn’t all your money split
surely this set up you have isn’t fair

seriously don’t get why couples do this esp if they have a child together

BMW6 · 07/09/2022 23:35

Sorry OP but you really ought to tell your partner. Not necessarily for him to pay off your debt but just to be honest and share your worries.

As he is a good saver he may have good ideas how to clear this debt.

But he does have the right to know. Take a deep breath and confide in him - this is the basis of a healthy and sound relationship - honesty and sharing.

FarFromHome2 · 08/09/2022 00:55

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/09/2022 22:27

Ring up Stepchange, who will help you reduce payments to a manageable level

This isn’t necessarily a good idea. Having a set of late payment markers on the OP’s credit file could prover incredibly expensive if they need to have major borrowing (such as a mortgage) in the future.

Beezknees · 08/09/2022 05:58

Don't ring up Stepchange if you have the means to pay it back. It can really affect your credit rating.

I would honestly tell your partner, it would be better to pay it from his savings and then you can pay it back to him, at least then you won't be paying more interest.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/09/2022 07:08

If the debt has been run up due to your reduced pay when you were on maternity leave, then your partner needs to pay it back. It's his child too so all expenses/costs/lost income due to you (ie both of you) having a child should be shared.

You shouldn't be in a situation where you're in debt and he's sitting on piles of savings, especially as you're not married by the sounds of it.

What's the plan for when you go back to work? Are you going to be sharing the cost of childcare, and the drop offs/pick ups/sick days etc?

Don't fall into the trap of stepping back your career/going part time to do all the child stuff, especially as you're not married (do you see a theme here?)

Definitely get out of your overdraft first and stop using it. The interest rate is very high. If your partner won't pay off your debts, which he should unless they've been run up with you overspending on personal luxuries, not groceries and things needed for the baby, then you need to rearrange your finances so you don't have or use an overdraft at all due to the cost.

Have a look at:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/cut-overdraft-costs/

FindingMeno · 08/09/2022 07:29

Even if you have incurred the debt b

FindingMeno · 08/09/2022 07:31

Buying things that are not strictly necessary, it's ok. We all make mistakes especially in stressful times.
Tell your partner. Work out what's happened. Move on and try not to repeat.
Good luck and stop worrying

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