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Original poster

Is not being allowed to go to the toilet during lessons the norm at secondary?

44 replies

User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:14

Is it normal for most schools to do this? It is at my sons new secondary. Even if they really do need to go?

I totally get that it can be seen as disruptive, missing learning time etc. it's said that some children just go to the toilet for a mini break out of the lessons - tbf I remember doing that a few times myself! They never said no to kids going toilet that I can remember.

DS is autistic, he struggles with the feeling of needing to go, once he feels it he needs to go, he can't wait which is not ideal. We've tried to explain to him it's not always possible to go straight away...

the school have issued DS a toilet pass which sounds good, but DS told me today that his teacher would not let him go even with the card??

any child should be allowed to go I think, sen or not.

the school seems hot on ensuring kids drink but with that comes a lot of weeing.

at lunch they have no time as by the time they queue up for lunch and eat it's nearly over and back to class.

OP posts:
Whataplanker · 07/09/2022 18:24

Yup. My DD just got up and went during one lesson where the teacher refused to let her go. She got a negative behaviour mark but, in the grand scheme, probably better than wetting yourself!

Silverpossum · 07/09/2022 18:27

Yes normal in my experience but my daughter had a card in primary and was permitted to use that to go in lessons. If he isn't being allowed even with a card I would be raising that with school personally.

Original poster
User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:28

Whataplanker · 07/09/2022 18:24

Yup. My DD just got up and went during one lesson where the teacher refused to let her go. She got a negative behaviour mark but, in the grand scheme, probably better than wetting yourself!

Goodness, good on her though! I can understand to a certain extent but when kdis are busting they should be able to go!

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SimonAndGarthsUncle · 07/09/2022 18:28

Yes it is normal and for all those without SEN it is correct that they do this

But kids with particular special needs should be allowed

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 07/09/2022 18:29

User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:28

Goodness, good on her though! I can understand to a certain extent but when kdis are busting they should be able to go!

Show quote history

You never have longer than 2-2.5 hours without a break at school so kids (without special needs) should be able to ensure they never need it during lesson time.

SpinningFloppa · 07/09/2022 18:29

My kids primary has this rule so wouldn’t surprise me for secondary

Original poster
User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:29

Silverpossum · 07/09/2022 18:27

Yes normal in my experience but my daughter had a card in primary and was permitted to use that to go in lessons. If he isn't being allowed even with a card I would be raising that with school personally.

even in primary? We've not had too much a problem with the primary that he went too so this is all new to me!

not being allowed to go in many children will cause so much anxiety and lack of concentration anyway!

OP posts:
namechange202086 · 07/09/2022 18:30

In secondary you get the same kids asking to go in every lesson. They take advantage of fact it is different teacher so unaware.

Not saying all children do this, but we've monitored and many do.

wonderstuff · 07/09/2022 18:30

Normal for the rule to be in place, not normal to ignore a toilet pass, some kids really just have to go and tbh the pass seems like a reasonable adjustment.

Problem is that if all the kids are allowed to go whenever the toilets get vandalised, kids arrange to meet their mates and we’ve even had kids dealing in them (in vapes we think). But your dc going is important for his learning and is presumably not adding to the problems the school is trying to address by limiting toilet access during lessons.

Creatingusernamesismygame · 07/09/2022 18:31

At my DC schools, all SEN or other health needs children have an exemption pass, which allows them to use the toilet whenever.

DanglingMod · 07/09/2022 18:32

It is totally normal in secondary schools as it is very disruptive to have to reteach content however many times a pupil leaves and returns to the classroom. If you let one go, they all want to go . Lots of students in the toilets outside of break times is a big safeguarding issue, an opportunity for bullying, smoking, vaping, self harm etc etc

However, students with particular needs like your son should be allowed to go when they need to, along with any others who seem genuinely desperate and new year 7s until they are better organised.

Lunch queues will get quicker once students understand how to get their money or pass ready, know what's available and how to pay for it etc etc, so it's a good habit to try to go at lunch anyway.

SmallestInTheClass · 07/09/2022 18:33

Yes. My DD had trouble with urine infections due to holding on so she was given a pass to go anytime. You just need to speak to the school.

Original poster
User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:33

Thanks all. This is all new to me. He does have a card with his name on that his form tutor give him. I hope it's just a misunderstanding, maybe the teacher told him to wait until a slightly better time and he didn't ask again or he didn't show his pass. Will email and find out, hopefully won't happen again. When DS needs ti go it's all he can focus on, for sure he won't be concentrating on anything else!

OP posts:
Cynderella · 07/09/2022 18:34

Some schools and teachers are stricter than others about this. If children have a medical or SEND pass, I'd always let them go. Sometimes, I'd say, I'd prefer you to wait until I've finished this explanation, but if you need to go now, go. With others, I would generally say yes, if you can't wait, but I don't expect to be asked again. Would always ask if they could wait if asked in last 15 mins of lesson. I like to think I used to be pretty strict most of the time but flexible with individuals. If a reliable student who never asked to leave the lesson asked once, I would say yes straightaway.

Sixth form, always say yes - they generally only leave a lesson if they have to. Some younger ones will take a few mins out of a lesson whenever they can, and you really can't teach a lesson where kids are wandering in and out.

Original poster
User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:36

DanglingMod · 07/09/2022 18:32

It is totally normal in secondary schools as it is very disruptive to have to reteach content however many times a pupil leaves and returns to the classroom. If you let one go, they all want to go . Lots of students in the toilets outside of break times is a big safeguarding issue, an opportunity for bullying, smoking, vaping, self harm etc etc

However, students with particular needs like your son should be allowed to go when they need to, along with any others who seem genuinely desperate and new year 7s until they are better organised.

Lunch queues will get quicker once students understand how to get their money or pass ready, know what's available and how to pay for it etc etc, so it's a good habit to try to go at lunch anyway.

I can understand and I guess it does make the toilets a safer place during lesson time! School is a totally different world from when I was in school and I think I forget that. They have cameras facing the loo doors too and glass panels on the door into the toilets. This was never a thing years ago was it??

OP posts:
howaboutchocolate · 07/09/2022 18:37

How does not letting children go to the toilet work for girls whose period comes on unexpectedly? I don't suppose they always feel comfortable telling their teacher that's why they need to go.

Simonjt · 07/09/2022 18:38

It was the standard rule when I was at secondary school, I had a pass due to having diabetes, I always used it in foodtech when it was time to wash up, or when homework was being collected.

Even with a pass there are still some innapropriate times, like a task being explained etc where waiting a couple of minutes may be needed. I can easily see a teachee forgetting to say “you can go now” after explaining a task etc.

eatingapie · 07/09/2022 18:41

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 07/09/2022 18:29

You never have longer than 2-2.5 hours without a break at school so kids (without special needs) should be able to ensure they never need it during lesson time.

Show quote history

Come on now… that’s not how bladders or periods work!
as an adult teacher I can’t say I *never need a wee in a lesson.

OP it’s normal although the Toilet pass is obviously given for a reason so that teacher was not really being fair. The main issue I found was prearranged toilet meet ups to skive off or church tissue paper around or something. Got to get their thrills somewhere I guess…

forgetit223 · 07/09/2022 18:41

Yep not allowed to go unless they have a pass. The girls have to tell reception if they are on their period or have a water infection etc and they are given a past. It's shocking. No one should have to tell anyone about being on their period just to go the toilet and it's embarrassing showing the pass to the teachers in front of the class.

Original poster
User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:43

forgetit223 · 07/09/2022 18:41

Yep not allowed to go unless they have a pass. The girls have to tell reception if they are on their period or have a water infection etc and they are given a past. It's shocking. No one should have to tell anyone about being on their period just to go the toilet and it's embarrassing showing the pass to the teachers in front of the class.

Yeah definitely. I was a very late developer and didn't start my period until I was nearly out of school so only imagine how it can be for girls in that situation!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 07/09/2022 18:43

User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:29

even in primary? We've not had too much a problem with the primary that he went too so this is all new to me!

not being allowed to go in many children will cause so much anxiety and lack of concentration anyway!

Show quote history

The vast majority of children over the age of 8 or so can go a couple of hours or more between needing a wee. Those children also know that there may be rules about when they are allowed to go in school, so should be able to think ahead - oh I’ve got triple maths so I need to wee before the lesson.
However there are circumstances where this is irrelevant.

  • schools where trans identifying boys are allowed in the girls toilets - many girls will not use the toilets in this case, so will only go if absolutely desperate.
  • girls who start their period or flood during a lesson - why in earth should they be made to wait
  • schools where the toilets are a cesspit of bullying - pupils would rather take their chances and go when everyone else is (hopefully) in class.
schools should understand these issues and factor them into their toilet use policy
FlibbertyGiblets · 07/09/2022 18:44

.

Original poster
User4648367373774 · 07/09/2022 18:44

Sadly I have the opposite prob with my youngest. She has to be reminded to go to the toilet (she's primary age) else she'll hold it all day and potentially cause a uti!! Bloody nightmare the pair of them 😩

OP posts:
Curta · 07/09/2022 18:53

I totally get that it can be seen as disruptive, missing learning time etc.

It's not seen as disruptive, but is literally disruptive. A whole class of children can't all just come and go when they please, and teachers cannot give instructions individually to those that miss them, or are now five minutes behind everyone else at every stage of the lesson.

If there is a medical need, obviously an exemption to the rule is appropriate. However, I'd argue that children with specific learning difficulties need to be in the classroom for the full lesson even more than the average child!

Elsiebear90 · 07/09/2022 18:56

I think it’s shocking to refuse to allow people to use the toilet, what if they have a bad stomach? What if they have a water infection? Started their period? Leaking through their pad or tampon? Are they supposed to tell their teacher in front of the whole class?

We were always allowed to use toilets as and when we needed and it was pretty obvious if the same people were taking the mick and they would be dealt with. A blanket ban on toilet use during lessons is awful.

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