I was rude and now i feel awful

[ladygugu]

Someone asked me how my holiday went and i told them the place was dirty and i had an awful time.
Basically we stayed at DHs friends house abroad.
Another person who I don't know asked me about it and i just totally got the vibe they knew the owner as i had mentioned the specific place it was. I started backtracking when they said "it was dirty?" And said no it was just too rustic for me and the pool wasn't child friendly so it was just tough going with two toddlers.
Now i feel awful, I shouldn't have been bitchy and should have just said it was fine and changed the subject. If it gets back to the owner I'll feel terrible

Don't worry about it. If it gets back to the owner just say that the person mis understood what you said and you were referring to it being rustic etc. You won't be the first person to have a foot in mouth moment and you're obviously a nice person or you wouldn't be beating yourself up about it even though it was the truth. Forget about it now.

I don’t think you were being rude, just factual. Try not to think about it any more. If someone had been describing it to me, I would have also said “It was dirty?!” without knowing the owners just because I would have been intrigued.

If it was dirty then there is nothing wrong with saying so.

Ages ago we went on a family holiday to a house that is advertised in the local parish mag by a local person. It was so dreadful that we had to leave and hire a caravan to stay in instead. It was filthy - truly filthy - even the teenagers slept on the floor because it was cleaner than the beds. I made no bones about it with the owner - I have no idea how they had the nerve to let it to people they knew. I also spoke to the editor of the magazine and said I thought they should remove the advert.

You were gutted it didn't live up to your expectations and said the wrong thing to the wrong person. Lesson learned hopefully. You should ve checked more that this was a suitable location and maybe they should've been more honest about the state of the place. But yes it is rude to say this about someone's home they let you use for free. Hopefully you are being paranoid that the word will get back to them and you won't make the same mistake again. We all make mistakes.

I think this was offered for free and therefore when you don't pay for something I wouldn't expect the same standard. I think you were rude.

It costs a couple of thousand pounds to stay in a rural home if you rent it.. I think you could have tidied and dusted in a few hours and bought some mosquito repellent.

I’m going against the grain here but if it was dirty it was dirty. I’d be miffed too. Yes it was lovely it was free but most people would leave a clean house for friends. Also OP bought them gifts to say thanks.

OP I doubt they would even remember it enough to say something. Also it would be very rude of them to report this back to the owner - I would never pass stuff like that on, it’s hurtful. That’s if they even took it the wrong way which from the sounds of what you said, they probably didn’t.

It was rude and distasteful but you’ve said it now so not much you can do.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t get anymore offers from friends/ neighbours to stay at their holidays homes though.

If the house was their holiday home and they don’t actually live there; I’m unsure why you expected it to be perfect. Spiders and cobwebs would be expected in a home that is empty.

If it was as filthy as you say it's because someone left it that way for the next guests. Now you have too. I wouldn't bother cleaning if all the people I let use my house for free left it dirty.

We live right by the sea. I often think its such a pity it lies empty for three weeks a year when we go away. But this is why! I don't get time to run my house at everybody else's levels of cleanliness or tidiness. It's a working home with stuff around. It's tidy and clean enough for me and it's not a mess nor is it perfect.

Ah go easy on yourself. It's a horrible feeling knowing that you've ''let yourself down''. I really hate it. I try to be a decent sane human being but obviously the human part gets in the way of being consistently decent. I try.

Forgive yourself and let it go. The person you were talking to will probably read between the lines and figure out that it just wasn't right for two toddlers.

Also, even if they figure out who the host was, do you think they're going to race to tell her? I really doubt it.

I actually checked how much flights were to get home but it was too expensive. I told the thanks for letting us stay and lied and said it was great because I didn't want to be rude!
You we're actually contemplating leaving instead of running a vacuum cleaner around the house you got rent free?
You do sound a bit of a Princess, I'm afraid.

If it helps, if I was the person you told it was dirty and I knew the owner, I wouldn't say anything to them.

@ladyguguwere the hosts staying there as well?

What’s done is done. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You backtracked with the rustic description and it being unsuitable for toddlers. Don’t let this spoil your holiday memories.

So your ok being bitchy as long as your not caught out about it.

Honesty is the best policy but always be polite about it, here is your lesson learnt

We have all done it OP - said something without thinking.
Try not to worry but honestly there is no such thing as a free lunch, much better to pay for these things l find.

Some posters are jumping on you and being unkind. It does not sound like a great holiday and I am sorry for that. We are all human and say thr wrong thing sometimes, dont worry. Ignore thr harsh people - it just makes them feel superior to put you down.

Don't feel bad for telling the truth. If it goes back to the owner so be it. If they asl tell them the same

Staying in someone's house for FREE and telling other's that it was dirty is really, really horrible behaviour.

Agreed & I'm not buying OP 'feeling awful'. No she's embarrassed as she said it to the wrong person (not sure if it's definite that this person knows the friend?)

It's entirely different if it was a paid holiday - you then deserve absolutely clean & well-maintained accommodation & factually saying that's not what you got is ok.

But this is actually their home; you didn't pay for it, and if you didn't like it, you should have left, stayed elsewhere, or gone home. Not turned around and been rude about free accommodation.

If the house owner asks did op enjoy her free stay in their home, you'd advise her to tell them "No, it was dirty"?
You can't be that lacking in the social graces, surely?!

Let’s be honest though, there’s no such thing as a holiday with two toddlers. It’s always a case of ‘same s**t, different place’. Place could have been a mansion and it would have been the same. I wouldn’t worry, I mean the even if the person you spoke to does know the owners, they’d have to be fairly blunt themselves to tell the owners you thought it was dirty.
my advice? Holiday at home until they’re teens and can entertain themselves on holiday 👍

OP I am the queen of foot in mouth moments, it's horrible isn't it when you just want to claw back what just came out of your mouth. Nothing you can do now, if you try and make excuses you'll just draw attention to it so just hope they don't know the owner of the house (they probably don't!!). Just make sure you send a really nice thank-you note and a bottle of wine/gift as a thank you to your hosts, and try and put it out of your mind

Me neither but I’d think less of the op for it. Using someone for a free holiday then slagging them off.