I nearly got ran over and can't stop thinking about it.

[Minee]

Took dog for a evening walk and DS, 16 came too.

Busy road to cross. I am super diligent when it comes to crossing the road. I've always taught the kids not to go unless it's clear.

I looked to my left and there were laods of cars so we had to wait a while.

I looked to the right and it was clear.

On the left there was one car so in my head I thought 'ill go after this one'

So the left car passed and I started walking across the road. It all happened so fast and I don't understand what my head was thinking. A car on the right must have turned onto the road and was coming really fast. Instead of just stopping before the road divider I just ran across. In front of the car.

I honestly don't understand why I did it. It wasn't a decision.

The car was going way too fast but it didn't break at all just slammed the horn for baout 6 seconds. But didn't slow down.

It's when I got to the other side I realised that DS had followed me and was a few steps behind so he was in even more danger than I was.

I could have killed him.

Its really shaken me. It's just not something I would ever do on purpose, it's like my reflexes overrid my brain and my body just ran.

I keep thinking back to it and thinking I could have killed my son and getting all shaky :(

Sorry I've got my lefts and rights mixed up 😩

Yes you will be shaken up for a while but the thoughts will go in the end, let them just play out.

I keep getting flashbacks or memories pop up about things like that which have happened over the years, obviously they get less intense over time.

You didnt nearly kill him, it was a situation that occurred and as it happens it ended ok, thats what you have to focus on. Next time you'll do it differently.

Shitty diagram because apparently I don't know my left from right and can't explain things well!

Oh I sympathise, its a horrible shaky feeling as you go through all those what-ifs. You need to forgive yourself first in order to try and come to terms with it. We all have lapses of judgement, and fortunately in this instance nothing really bad came of it.

I had a similar experience with small kids - I was on the High Street with a baby in buggy and toddler on scooter, it started to rain. I decided to make a dash for the shopping centre rather than faff with rain covers and coats. Unfortunately it was over a side road that had raised pavements- so no kerb. I said to toddler "let's run" and she scooted off so fast, right over the road as a car was coming. I have no idea how it missed her. I burst into tears, some lovely people got us into a cafe and fed me tea. This was more than 10 years ago and the moment still comes back to me regularly - i avoid that side road even now to avoid triggering that dread.

Be kind to yourself, and try and process that nothing bad did actually happen.

Sounds awful but the driver was more at fault than you. He sounds like a total arsehole. (I'm assuming it's a he!) Stop beating yourself up. Alls well that ends well, neither you, your son or the dog were hurt and I'm sure you'll be even more careful where you cross in future - but you can't legislate for awful drivers.
Perhaps the situation wasn't as dire as you remember it in your head if the driver didn't break and sounded the horn, in true life or death situations drivers don't have time to behave like arseholes by sounding the horn for 6 seconds they hit the brakes and perform an emergency stop.

My first work trip away without my baby daughter…she was 7 months old and I was about 1 cm away from getting flattened by a bus that appeared from nowhere. It was so close the front of my skirt was touching the bus and I still vividly remember the terrifying shock of feeling the draft of air as it whizzed past my face. One cm further forward and I’d have been flattened. I was so shaken up about it for weeks after….the biggest thing that upset was that I could have been so stupid and left my little girl without a mum at such a young age, more so than actually worried about getting myself killed. To this day I have no idea how it happened and how I missed it coming, but needless to say I am PARANOID when crossing roads to this day.

I'm sorry people have experienced similar. It is the'what ifs' that are so scary.

I guess I have to remember nothing actually happened.