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WhatsApp group member needling me

15 replies

AutumnClearOut · 05/09/2022 09:54

Sorry if this is similar to another thread about group issues but I didn't want to hijack that thread.

I am in a group of women participating in a hobby. A woman, who is a friend of many of the others, joined the group later on. I do know her outside the group, but she very good friends with the others, which is why she joined. TBH I don't know why she did as she hardly ever turns up to the hobby but uses the group chat like a FB page with constant comments and photos.

I am commenting less and less because when I do, she seems to make remarks that come across to me as digs. I am talking about pettily picking me up on something I have said, or a grammatical error. She likes to repeat things I have said with "speech marks".

The hobby is starting up again this weekend and I feel a bit sick in may stomach. I feel a bit secondary school with the nasty girls. It doesn't feel like a direct dig, and I think if I pulled her up on it, I would get told it was a joke and where is my sense of humour etc. Also, she is very good friends with the others and I think they'd ditch me before her. I've wanted to do this hobby for ages and not had the chance to do it until we formed this group.

Not sure what to do. I think I'd like to make her aware that I am onto her, which may make it stop. I also may think I am being oversensitive, but my spider senses say I am not. I am obviously lacking in assertiveness!

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 05/09/2022 09:58

I would be direct not rude. Post what you like and if she's picks up your grammar just say 'please stop correcting my grammar/correcting me' or something. If she says it is a joke say 'It isn't a joke I find funny, so please stop'.

People like this are twats, they fucking ruin everything!

But you can't control them so just say what you want.

watcherintherye · 05/09/2022 09:59

Not good that you’re no longer looking forward to doing your hobby because of this woman. What’s your reaction when she has a dig? Do you comment back, or let her have the last word?

ehb102 · 05/09/2022 10:01

Block her. It's amazing how you don't need to see that kind of thing. She will get no response from you, which is the "ignore it" action and you can claim it was an error if anyone asks. "Blocked her? Did I? I'll have to check. "

WoodlandMummy · 05/09/2022 10:07

Oh, just totally blank her. She will hate that!

Bell ends like her thrive off the oxygen of attention. If she sees that her petty comments don’t even register with you, she will go insane.

You’re better than to be drawn into her infantile world. Simple as that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ffsjustltb · 05/09/2022 10:30

I look at this from a different angle. I think it's precisely because you don't stand up for yourself that she does it. She has the power. Stop it by whatever way you can best manage. With humour, question why she has commented this under each exchange, or cut and paste a selection of her bitchy comments, highlighted, and re post on the group chat. Personally, I would call her out face to face but I understand not everyone can do that x

AutumnClearOut · 05/09/2022 10:36

I think it's precisely because you don't stand up for yourself that she does it. She has the power.

I agree with this. It's funny how I am really good at sending up for myself with men, ut am rubbish with women. I don't know why.

OP posts:
GoneWithTheWine1 · 05/09/2022 10:37

You can't block someone in a group chat, you'll still see her messages and her yours.

Just blank her, she'll hate it. Grin

carefullycourageous · 05/09/2022 10:40

AutumnClearOut · 05/09/2022 10:36

I think it's precisely because you don't stand up for yourself that she does it. She has the power.

I agree with this. It's funny how I am really good at sending up for myself with men, ut am rubbish with women. I don't know why.

You can either find out why or just acknowledge and change it - but either way it is in your power to change.

Ffsjustltb · 05/09/2022 13:50

Op, a good tip would be to respond as though she was doing this to someone you love, who cannot stand up for themselves. That will give you the power. What would you say is she was doing this to your nan/mum/child etc?

lljkk · 05/09/2022 14:01

Does she literally only do this quoting & nitpicking about grammar etc. stuff to you, OP? Never to any other group member ?

AutumnClearOut · 05/09/2022 14:32

I can only see it done to me lljkk

What would you say is she was doing this to your nan/mum/child etc?

I am really good at sticking up for others. I'd get very cross with them. It's just me I can't stick up for!

OP posts:
TulipsTwoLips · 05/09/2022 14:35

I would ignore. When messages don’t get a response it speaks volumes!

Yel · 05/09/2022 14:40

Just add an👌to her messages and then carry on chatting in the group as normal without acknowledging it further

Bonheurdupasse · 05/09/2022 15:10

This OP - do the cut and paste

AryaStarkWolf · 05/09/2022 15:17

Yel · 05/09/2022 14:40

Just add an👌to her messages and then carry on chatting in the group as normal without acknowledging it further

This ^^

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