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Birthdays as an adult - for family only?

11 replies

TheresABearOverThere · 05/09/2022 01:03

Today is my birthday and my husband says only teenagers do things with their friends and I should have just celebrated with my family.

But I did want to and had made plans! I have 2 children, one 20m old and one 7. We've all been a bit poorly this week so all still a bit tired. I had planned a family day out then in the evening for a few friends to come over to hang out. But the family day out didn't happen. The 20m old had been refusing naps all day and suddenly fell asleep before we left the house. My husband was exhausted and fell asleep too. I asked my 7 year old if we could just go for the day out together and he said he didn't want to. The 20m was out for the count. I had planned to go to the shops and grab some bits for people coming over after the event so when my husband got up, I did that (having missed the event I had planned for us to go to).

I spent about an hour and a half at the shops cos I stopped to have a cup of coffee since it was sunny and I had missed the day out (buying a few beers and a cake for my kids in the shops). When I got back I spent the time with my family until my friends came at 8pm. And our 7 year old hung out with me and my friends until his bedtime.

I had planned a day for us and it didn't go to plan. Everyone was asleep and surely it was me who should have been miffed? I think it's fine to have some friends over on your birthday, usually my husband would have joined us but he was feeling under the weather - he urged me not to cancel even though I said many times I could. It was no raucous party, just 3 friends, one who's about to give birth. My son was crying later (having not gone to sleep) saying he felt like he missed my birthday. I always plan my birthday around my family. Is it not ok to have a bit of adult time in the evening when I barely go out? Am I in the wrong here?!

OP posts:
Cherchezlaspice · 05/09/2022 01:11

In what way could you possibly be in the wrong? You know (as you both exist in the world and see how people live) that adults celebrate their birthdays however they choose. You know that your husband is talking nonsense. You know that he doesn’t get to dictate what an appropriate birthday celebration is.

So, what are you really questioning?

TheresABearOverThere · 05/09/2022 01:14

I guess if I was being selfish today? I did try to have a family outing! Nearly everyone bar the 3 friends I'd invited over cancelled on me too.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2022 01:14

Is your husband always so ridiculous?

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Cherchezlaspice · 05/09/2022 01:20

TheresABearOverThere · 05/09/2022 01:14

I guess if I was being selfish today? I did try to have a family outing! Nearly everyone bar the 3 friends I'd invited over cancelled on me too.

In what way could what you’ve described be characterised as selfish? Please explain.

Bethsfirst · 05/09/2022 02:22

the question is whether or not other people spend time with their friends on their birthdays; even as grown adults with children, right?
100% totally normal around my friends and family :) in-fact my godmother is 47 and still does detective days out with all her friends on her birthday; you do you!
I'm just sorry your split plans didn’t pan out!

Shoxfordian · 05/09/2022 06:32

I don’t see the issue here either; I celebrate birthdays with friends and family

Is your husband often unwell when it’s someone else’s birthday or celebration?

girlmom21 · 05/09/2022 06:40

Firstly, he should have organised a family day out for your birthday. Secondly, he should have actually made some effort!

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 05/09/2022 06:52

I guess your DH was still feeling unwell and grumpy with it. Hopefully by this morning he will feel a bit better and will apologize for not making any effort for your birthday.

autienotnaughty · 05/09/2022 07:00

Is he generally funny about you seeing friends or was it that everyone was unwell so he felt it was wrong to have people over?

AnneButNotHathaway · 05/09/2022 11:25

Your DH is being ridiculous, there are no rules about birthday celebration and no correlation with age either. People enjoy their birthdays in multiple ways, be it celebrations with close family, parties with friends, having vacations planned around the day or no celebration at all. In our friend group it's totally normal to celebrate each others birthdays together and we would send each other Smartshow 3d birthday videos and have Zoom parties during the lockdown. You do you and whatever brings you joy would be right!

balalake · 05/09/2022 11:53

You can celebrate in different ways, I don't agree with your DH. Or not celebrate at all.

What I hope you do not do is go over the top, especially if it involves expense for others who may be short of money (or will be over the winter), and please do not fall for the hospitality/tourism excuse to spend a fortune on a so-called 'big birthday'.

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