Please help me feed my kids better, even the fussy toddler cookbooks can't cater to my nightmare DS.

[Alfreddo83]

I have an extremely fussy 4 year old DS and a very non fussy 2 year old DS. The older one is an absolute nightmare with regards to how little he eats and I've always found it really stressful trying to feed him

I've dropped the ball recently with regards to what I feed them and I'm relying really heavily on processed and freezer food.

The fussy toddler apps and Instagram pages are filled with amazing recipes and DS1 will eat none of it (I should add that he eats a much bigger variety of food at nursery)

Can I please have suggestions of easy, plain but more nutritious dinners that would cater to the older one as well?

Re the jacket and beans - have you asked nursery what brand of beans and cheese they use?

my fussy one will still, to this day, only way the cheapest brand of beans in Tesco. Same with cheese - the mildest, cheapest cheese.

My DS still does this at 20. I got all the advice here but it turned out to be a symptom of his ASD (hyposensitivity for taste and hypersensitivity for texture). At least he cooks his own meals now or the rest of us would be doomed to a lifetime of pasta.

Dieticians and medical professionals actually advise that if children don’t eat the food that is given to them, you don’t give them anything else. It is current and up to date advice.

If your four year old is only eating specific brands of food etc… you really should seek professional advice. Children often develop neophobia around 1.5/2, it’s how you react that shapes their eating habits going forward. You aren’t helping your child by only giving them food and brands that they like but making it progressively worse.

As an ex ED specialist and having read what he eats I honestly would not do anything. Don't make this a 3x daily battle. Don't make it a battle at all. No good will come of it.. Carry on with giving him what you know he will eat. it's more variety than I thought you were going to say. It's really not that bad. As you'll already know everything is a phase with children and it will likely pass. Keep on offering new things when you can as an addition,not a substitute, to his usual meals. If he tries a bit then fantastic. If he doesn't it really isn't the end of the world. Just carry on with your day. I just really would encourage you to try, as hard as it is, to minimise this in your mind as an issue and a problem. If he's growing well he'll be just fine and I'm sure he'll add to his repertoire as he grows.

When mine were little, I tried to make it one meal for everyone, but there was flexibility. So, if I made pizzas, extra toppings were optional. If it was baked potatoes, two of mine would only eat the flesh, but the other two liked the jackets, and that was fine. I would try and make sure there was always something everyone liked. So, if it was egg, chips and beans, the one who wouldn't eat eggs could have grated cheese.

I also used to whizz veg into tomato sauce in bolognaise etc. Sneaked finely chopped onion into a pie. Beat an egg into cheese sauce. What doesn't work is making it a battle - meal planning is the answer, and just hope that they'll get a bit less rigid about preferences.

I notice the things he likes are quite salty (not a judgement just an observation!!) - have you tried adding salt to other foods to see if it helps? If it works, you could dial back the salt once he’s accepted the new food. He might like strong flavours generally?

Don't make a big deal about it, no discipline, threatening, bargaining etc

Serve the meals he likes.

try to sneak fruit/veg in , in sauces/gravy's/ smoothies/milkshakes.

Multivitamin

Put something on his plate he's not keen on (or on side dishes if he's funny about food touching) no pressure just add it in.

Leave food on table when he finished he may ho back for more.

My son (4) has always been a notoriously fussy eater (and much like you I googled fussy eater recipes and felt like laughing and crying as none were remotely close to anything he'd eat!)

I bought the What Mummy Makes cookbook (I loathe the title, it incites mild rage in me!) and yet I have been gobsmacked by what my son has tried from it. I'm not going to say he eats everything but we've had success involving courgette, broccoli and chowder through this book - I would never have imagined this was possible before. Maybe see if a library has a free copy or if a friend can lend you a copy to see if it may help?

Ultimately I guess what I've found most helpful with DS is always making sure there's a 'safe' food that he likes on the plate. And secondly encouraging him to try if it's new - he doesn't have to eat it if he doesn't like it but I expect him to try one spoonful.

My son often said he only liked nursery bananas or nursery carrots etc. So we told him "nursery sent some bananas (or whatever) for you to try at home" which worked a few times to introduce more foods at home

Yes to this, that's how I was brought up and how I'm bringing my little one up

Hhmmm you could be on to something here, one of his favourite snacks is toast and marmite

Thank you so much for this. It's made me feel a lot better.

My ds is 6 now and still fussy. Sauces were always an issue as is texture but op your ds is eating way more than mine did at that age. Honestly I would keep going as you are, add a few new bits to the plate here and there but with new born twins and a ds who eats nearly all the food groups pick your battles! My son likes salty and beige food, I balance this in my head with the fact he now eats a few fruits, cucumber carrot ( not cooked- it case its soggy!) Cheesy pasta, eggy bread, all breads. Cereals, sausages, chicken. He ate spag bol last week for the first time in years- me and dh were comical at the table trying to not react or draw attention to it!

Ironically I actually googled her new cookbook tonight as I find a lot of her Instagram recipes pretty basic. I'll see if I can get a second hand copy of her original one 👍

Thanks everyone.

Perhaps I think his eating is worse than it is?

My DSis is an extremely fussy eater, she will literally only eat plain chicken and chips and broccoli and a handful of other very plain dishes. She admits herself she finds it embarrassing as a grown woman but can't bring herself to eat anything with flavour! I would be horrified if any of my children were like that as adults.

I'll keep going as I am, try to introduce new foods slowly, I've just ordered the what mummy makes book and I'll try not be to hard on myself

Just wanting to give my real life experience of this excellent advice. DS when little would eat 6 foods. To him they were safe, he had sensory issues and anxiety and we decided not to make it into a battle. So we let him have his 6 foods (he did actually have each food type represented!) and carried them with us in a little lunchbox of we ate out. We never made a fuss although certain people would judge.
What we did do was gradually offer tiny quantities of what we were eating, on a separate plate. No pressure to eat it, just a casual 'I'll pop that there if you want to try some' (separate plate was important as otherwise he would literally run out of the room screaming if we put it on his plate! Slowly slowly over time he would try tiny bits and eventually expanded his repertoire.
He's a strapping 18 yr old now about to go off to Uni (sob) and he tucks into anything and everything including curry, he's the biggest carnivore even though meat was one of his worst phobias.
All those years ago there wasn't as much understanding of issues around food and we just muddled along trying to get it right.
What I'm saying is, try not to stress too much and trust that you're doing a great job.

Honestly it doesn't sound too bad! Quite varied.

I find it's easy to get them to eat veg when they're distracted I. E watching TV.

Also, you have to sell food a bit - call veg sticks crudités and serve with ketchup and mayo mixed together as a dip and they wolf it down.

Also, add butter to all veg. I don't know if it's the gloss, the salt or the fat, but they wolf down buttered veg

If he likes marmite, maybe try Nigella's
Marmite pasta? My exceedingly fussy, won't eat sauces child will tolerate that (usually she eats her pasta plain, eugh).

I also find it can help if you involve them in cooking - although this may be tricky with new babies, and I would suggest only doing it where he's likely to eat the component parts too as otherwise you may end up putting him off a 'safe' food.

So actually he can eat
tomato soup
sausage casserole
fish cakes
macaroni cheese
baked potatoes

All this “it has to be only that specific one” is nonsense. If you want to carry on reinforcing that then that’s up to you.

As an adult,I don't eat things I don't like,or eat more than I want to - so I don't expect my children to.

Completely agree with all posters that say don't make it a battle.My eldest has ASD and lived on 4 different,incredibly plain meals until he was about 5. He would literally throw up if a texture didn't agree with him.

Never made a fuss,never pushed and now at 10,he will try anything.If he doesn't like it,he doesn't have to eat it but he gets a big fuss made of him just for giving it a go. He has things he doesn't like e.g. rice,but his diet now is much more balanced and he has zero stress around food because he knows there is no pressure.

My youngest aged 6 was an absolute greedy guts from birth, and will literally eat anything.I personally cannot stand seafood and he takes great pleasure in ordering sushi,shrimps etc. just to tease me 🤣

OP you sound very caring to me,I think you are doing a much better job than you realise.

Placemarking as we are in exactly the same place.

Another vote for this! I add some frozen sweet corn for crunch and extra goodness too. My fussy eater will wolf this down. And bonus is it's super quick and easy to make!