I can't help but procrastinate and it's ruining my life

[nogella]

Well, if not ruining then making it harder than it needs to be.

It doesn't matter what it is. It'll go something like this -

I'm aware in advanced something needs doing (even something that'll benefit me greatly).

I want to do it, I have a voice (not an actual voice but you know what I mean), almost screaming at me that if needs to get done, why aren't you doing it? Why are you delaying things? Why can't you just get on with it?

But I just... freeze. I end up doing something else, unable to commit to the task. and then I know time is running out.

And I do the task. But then I have horrific time management. Even with alarms. I know I have x amount of time to do something. I work best with a timer. But then I'll do it, aim to leave the house as it's complete, and think 'oh I'll just do this quickly'. I know I shouldn't but I underestimate how long a task takes realistically and I get sidetracked constantly. And I end up being bloody late! And I feel awful. The self hatred is immense. Why am I late? I set out with every intention of being on time

I seem to have such poor concept of time too.

To others I seem impeccably tidy. But there's always something not right. So if my house is spotless my car won't be. And there's always some sort of chaos going on due to demand avoidance

It's just awful and I keep beating myself up, but nothing I put in place is working

This isn't stuff I'm 'avoiding' and don't want to do either. It could be, for example, you need to book in for that pedicure before your child free time is up'. I know I need to do it, and I'll enjoy it, and it's to benefit me,'it's great. Yet still I put these things off until I call last minute and surprise surprise, no appointments

I don't know what's wrong with me!

I had this and it got worse and worse, until I ground to a halt at work - I was also dealing with several bereavements so under a lot of emotional pressure. I had three hypnotherapy sessions to tackle it and it really did help, although it wasn't a miracle cure;

Maybe look up Pathological Demand Avoidance & see if anything resonates with you.

Sounds like me. I actually missed a friends wedding at the weekend because I completely forgot to go. I was so focused on getting DS ready for his first day at secondary school that everything else went blurry in my brain. It was only when I walked into work this morning and saw her empty desk that it clicked.

I often wonder the same. Two people I know with ADHD and/or autism diagnoses have very difficult, critical parents. They have found their diagnoses a massive relief. It's obvious from the way they speak that the diagnosis gives them a reason for all the criticism they have endured. I do wonder whether their critical parents made them feel more unusual and problematic than they otherwise would have felt.

But then I worry I am committing the sin of denying / invalidating their experience and diagnosis, which I know some neurodiverse people find to be insulting and a failure of understanding. So I've never discussed it with them...

@ofwarren Oh, is there some sort of general support thread over there? I had a quick look but couldn't see one. And I don't think I have ADHD, I just feel like I'm personally a bit lazy/useless - would I still be welcome to join discussions? I don't want to take advantage of a condition I don't have iyswim. So much of what OP said to me resonated and it was actually a massive relief to realise I'm not the only one!

another one here screaming ADHD! I’m the same OP and I’ve just had my referral sent off for an adhd assessment. I’ve been “weird” all my life, just never fitted in (along with a multitude of other things) and it’s always been diagnosed as anxiety and depression despite antidepressants never working. The phone call, once I’d finally got round to making it, to the GP was surprisingly ok, I expected to be fobbed off but he said “ah yes, I’ll get that referral sent off now”. Fingers crossed you get some answers, but at least you know you’re not alone!