Horrid gran..would you say something?

[Holaeveryone]

My DD(almost 5) has a friend, let's call her Mary, similar age. We've known them for almost a year, they used to go to the same nursery but different schedules and will be going to school in the sane class.

We don't meet them very often as I always found Mary a bit hard work and not a good influence on DD, but they do sometimes have a nice time. I suspect Mary might have some mild SEN.

We went out today for a few hours together in my car to a nice place not far from home with her gran (who lives with the family and looks after her while the parents are working). This gran is very ...not sure what's the right work..'micromanaging', constantly on Mary's back, yapping at her non-stop. For instance anything Mary wants to do gran will always say either no or not allowed or just gives her a few mins and then directs her somewhere else. She doesn't give her any breathing space. This place we went to has a huge playground and has a huge and beautiful sandpit with 5 slides, wooden houses for children to play in and it's a massive hit with the kids. Well, Mary wasn't allowed to go in as 'sand will go in her shoes'!!! So Mary wasn't allowed to even see this sandpit and my DD was also disappointed as we had to.stay together. We moved somewhere else.

The most shocking thing though was this gran hits her granddaughter. Every time she doesn't comply with something she requests she slaps her, hits her, squeezes her arm or threatens her with more hitting. She did it about 6, 7 times in front of us and poor Mary would cry: grandma, please please don't hit me again!! It breaks my heart. I used to be beaten by my mother and I really know how this little girl feels. I have seen her hit Mary before but today was a different level.

This is a very long story which I tried to cut short but seeing this really shocked me. I have my own issues at the moment, going through separation and to be honest I don't want to get involved in other family's matters, but I feel so strongly about this, I just don't know what to do. I feel this grandma should not get near this child ever again. This little girl will be traumatised for life. Can I make an anonymous report or what can I do that does not involve me directly?

This. How do you watch a child being repeatedly pinched and slapped while they’re begging their abuser to stop hurting them??

School safeguarding lead here. Please don’t wait to get more evidence. What you have witnessed is more than enough. School will know what to do and will make a social care referral. The hitting is the major issue here. Ask at school reception to speak to the designated safeguarding lead because you are worried about a child’s safety and well-being. If the safeguarding lead isn’t available ask to speak to the alternate safeguarding lead. Someone should see you on the same day. Tell them exactly what you saw happening on your trip out. You will absolutely be doing the right thing.

Every time she doesn't comply with something she requests she slaps her, hits her, squeezes her arm or threatens her with more hitting. She did it about 6, 7 times in front of us and poor Mary would cry: grandma, please please don't hit me again!!

It's so upsetting and troubling that your question was whether you can report anonymously, as you don't want to 'get involved'.

You witnessed a child being repeatedly assaulted and begging for her abuser to stop while she cried.

This poor kid.

You need to speak to the safeguarding lead at her school first thing tomorrow.

I wonder if the parents have any idea? Mary would be better off in holiday club than with gran.

Gram sounds overbearing & unreasonable. It's humiliating for a child to be treated like this. I imagine her behaviour is due to this handling of her.

Maybe offer to have Mary over on her own to give her a break from gram.

You should of done something there and then ! It's a 5 year old helpless child. Don't let another day pAss before you call social services and her school

Of course Mary hits birds!!
Someone is constantly modelling this as acceptable behaviour.
I accept this isn’t easy but you have to be Mary’s voice.

Have you done something OP?

You may have a lot on op but a dead dc on your mind would be worse... When my dd's witnessed a friend being abused and they told me I told school and ss visited the home. I didn't have to give a statement.

I'd cut the middle man out so to speak and go straight to social services. NSPCC will only report to them what you've said and it's better then getting it from source.

Absolutely agree this needs to be done asap. If she's like that in front of people, what horrors go on behind closed doors? Child protection is everyone's business and if you see something that just doesn't sit right you have to say something. You could be the difference of something being done to protect this child.

Poor Mary

Also if can do it anonymously but it carries less weight. I speak from (professional) experience that often we can't progress something if we can't dig further at the source. Really difficult for you and yes you have other things going on, but you know what's right.

Report report report. Emotional as well as physical abuse.

Speak to the school safeguarding lead;tell her everything including that Mary even pleaded with Gran not to hit her.You had a lot of restraint;I was unfortunately Physically abused by my maternal grandmother who use to look after me;I was around aged 2-4;it's terrifying being in that position.

You really need to report this. It will be way worse in private. Imagine her becoming disabled or killed and you didn't report it. You'd feel (be) guilty for the rest of your life. You can report anonymously, just do it tomorrow, no more delays. You can still get extra evidence later and report again.

OP; it is not your job to gather evidence about this, nor could you do a good and fair job of gathering evidence unless you were a professional with experience in this. And that will just waste more time. Please just report.

Every time I see one of these threads I always say that I wish someone had reported my Mother. Please do it OP. I’m over sixty. It never leaves you.