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Ending a friendship

10 replies

LittleFluffyCloudz · 02/09/2022 21:16

Someone I've known since university.

I'm about a stone heavier than I would like to be but my BMI is in the normal range, I'd say she is obese, yet she comments constantly on my "chubby arms and pot belly". I never say anything about her weight.

She says I need Botox, she's had it but she's had it done cheaply and the upper half of her face doesn't move. I never point this out.

She is single and always goes for much younger men, I think they are probably only after sex because they seem to "meet someone else" after a few months and end it with her. Yet, she constantly criticises my partner's behaviour because she has no understanding of his mental health conditions. I never point out my views on the men she chooses.

She has been getting abusive messages from women in her town because she slept with someone's boyfriend yet she can't see that what she did was wrong and thinks they are being unreasonable. She wants to meet a friend of my partner's but I don't want to introduce them. My partner finds her hard work because she is pushy and overbearing (she has a sales job) and he hides when he sees her because he can't cope with her. She saw this friend on a Facebook post and has set her sights on him because he is younger (a few years younger than us) and attractive (he is). He's also a bit of a player and would probably shag her for a bit but it would end in tears (DP and I agree on this).

She is pushy, she's booked and paid for a weekend away for her and I and now wants me to transfer her half the money. When she asked me if I wanted to go, I tried to decline politely by saying I didn't know whether DD would be at her Dad's that weekend and I'd let her know nearer the time. So she's just booked the weekend and said I should be tougher with DD's dad and make sure he has her that weekend. I really don't want to spend a weekend with her. She just sits around drinking beer and eating junk food, I like to be more active. The last time we went away for the weekend I managed to get her out on a 5 mile walk but it had a small hill near the end and she could barely get up it.

I don't know whether to push her to even more arms length, or end the friendship. I've never ended a friendship before, I've had friendships fizzle due to changes of circumstance. Do I ghost her, do I speak to her and tell her why I don't want to spend time with her?

OP posts:
Surtsey · 02/09/2022 21:36

She doesn't sound much like a friend to me.

MessyBunPersonified · 02/09/2022 21:44

I would want to ghost her, but I think the best thing would just be to pull her up next time she says something shitty and tell her you can't be arsed with her digs at you any more. Doesn't sound like you'll have too long to wait for her to say something.

LittleFluffyCloudz · 02/09/2022 22:07

Surtsey · 02/09/2022 21:36

She doesn't sound much like a friend to me.

I know. I think it's more because I've known her for so long.

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LittleFluffyCloudz · 02/09/2022 22:11

MessyBunPersonified · 02/09/2022 21:44

I would want to ghost her, but I think the best thing would just be to pull her up next time she says something shitty and tell her you can't be arsed with her digs at you any more. Doesn't sound like you'll have too long to wait for her to say something.

It will start as soon as I see her. A pat on my belly and a comment. A comment about DP. Just generally pushy and rude. She's a friend I keep on the outskirts because I don't want her pissing off my group of friends. So I see her one to one.

OP posts:
Aubree17 · 03/09/2022 13:39

You seem quite judgemental on her too.

When she asked you to go away for the weekend you should have said no.

Maybe it's best for both of you if you phase out the friendship. If it not fun there no point.

LittleFluffyCloudz · 03/09/2022 16:05

Aubree17 · 03/09/2022 13:39

You seem quite judgemental on her too.

When she asked you to go away for the weekend you should have said no.

Maybe it's best for both of you if you phase out the friendship. If it not fun there no point.

Hmm. I would never think these things towards a person who didn't say nasty things to me. She's a kettle calling a pot black. I never comment on other people's weight because it's none of my business. Personally, I think she just enjoys putting people down.

OP posts:
Anywhereelse · 03/09/2022 16:29

She’s no friend and is probably projecting her own feelings about her weight and lack of stable relationship onto you. I’d pull her up sharply on any further comments and if she doesn’t stop the behaviour then just start a retreat from contact with her like taking a while to respond to texts, be less available to meet or chat on the phone etc.

LittleFluffyCloudz · 03/09/2022 18:13

Anywhereelse · 03/09/2022 16:29

She’s no friend and is probably projecting her own feelings about her weight and lack of stable relationship onto you. I’d pull her up sharply on any further comments and if she doesn’t stop the behaviour then just start a retreat from contact with her like taking a while to respond to texts, be less available to meet or chat on the phone etc.

I think there's a fair bit of projection going on. She pounces on any weakness. She knows I don't like my stomach and comments on it all the time. I'm going to sound petty but I don't think anyone has the right to comment on anyone else's weight. My DP says to tell her that once her weight is down to a healthy level then I'll take her comments about my body seriously.

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 03/09/2022 18:21

I would tell her you’re not paying a penny for that trip because you never confirmed or agreeded to it, plus you cannot go because of xyz reason. Sorry mate. She won’t want to go alone and will be forced into getting a refund.She’s probably going to be furious and stop talking to you after that.

Mission accomplished.

LittleFluffyCloudz · 04/09/2022 08:27

I'm not sure if the comments about my stomach are because I have DD and she has no kids. We're both 43/44. Not that having kids is the be all and end all. But she's always going on about how beautiful she was when she was younger and how she wishes she'd leveraged that.

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