Comment from GP about being in a village with a baby?

[gerrrti]

Following a relationship breakdown me and dc (1 mo) moved to a village, to a bigger house and closer to family who really only provide practical support not emotional. I am as near friends here as I am to where I left (Bham).

On the phone to gp today she said I should prepare to be lonelier now I was in a village and it was something ot consider in the future (obviously I am struggling with mental health after everything that’s happened)

I just feel a bit hopeless now, like maybe I made the wrong move etc. It’s much quieter here obviously and one day I might move back but it’s really made me worried about loneliness

Do you feel lonely?
Do you have any friends where you are? Do you feel up to socialising?

@girlmom21 yes I’m lonely in the sense I have no DP and it’s quiet here. But I was lonely in Bham too just with more daily distractions I suppose. We are in the house a lot at the moment but she’s really made me dread winter

Where did you move from ? A city, town or countryside. Honestly imo , all of those situations can be lonely. If your family is close by at least you are seeing some people and if you are in a village there might be some groups you are join.

Or, it could go totally the other way... you could go to a baby group in your village and meet people that your baby will eventually go to school with and have a lovely group of friends.

I think you might be overthinking a silly throwaway comment.

I think you have to put yourself out there tbh. Find some mother and baby groups (saved my sanity when mine were little!) I also find the next door app useful, there's always people on there looking for people to do stuff with (on our local one a few months ago a young mum was after some others in similar situations to go for walks with the pushchairs, she had several offers to meet up.)

I think living in the city can be just as lonely if not moreso..
It can be easy to be anonymous in the city and people are always leaving making it hard to form long lasting friendships, whereas in villages you may only need to make a couple of connections and that could lead to having a great network of friends because everyone knows everyone sort of thing.
Hope you and your baby settle in well!

I live in a small village, but there's masses going on.

If you are prepared to get involved with groups etc there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to build up a network of friends, acquaintances and neighbours.

It won't just happen though.

I didn't know anyone when I moved here. The toddler group was brilliant for meeting other people.

That has not been my experience. I've made more friends in the 14 months I've lived in my village than I did in the 15 years I was in city centre. There is always something to do in the city but there are more community activities with regular meetups in the smaller areas.

I've lived in both cities and a village, cities are lonlier ime. In a village you tend to say hi and chat to your neighbours, there's usually coffee mornings and baby groups, you'll get to know other parents in the playground etc etc. In cities you have to be proactive to find people, I would much prefer to be in a village!

That’s such a weird thing for a GP to say.

I thought so too. I would imagine it is the GP's own prejudices or a bad experience.

Schools go back soon. The groups start. In our village there's something on every day. Just remember most people are knackered/bumbling through. It's as much up to you to say fancy a coffee as it is to them. Local fb group and ask if anyone fancies a pushchair walk.

That seems like an odd thing to say.
Do you have a village FB page? That's a great way to have a 'look around', introduce yourself if you feel like it and see what's going on. All w/o having to make difficult opening conversations.
You've arrived at a good time. With school terms soon starting, baby groups and other things will start up.
While the weather is still lovely, you may find you'll meet people just by going out for a walk. Little babies are magnets!
You've got plenty of time until winter.

I have a partner and live in a busy city. I am the loneliest I have ever been. Location has never made me lonely.

That's a stupid comment to make by the GP. I live in a village and there are more local things to attend and a better sense of community here than when I lived in a town. I go to the fetes, the events, the Christmas fair (which is albeit a handful of stalls) but everyone knows and cares about one another.

We moved from BHam to a village about an hour away. Family about half way between but either elderly or work full time so little practical help with my little one, who was 18 months when we moved.

I couldn't drive when we moved and there's no public transport close by. Although still together, DP worked in London daily so was gone from 7 -7, sometimes later. and I did have a bit of a wobble at first.

What I will say is that once you've settled you'll probably find that village life is much more social than city life. In Bham I only really saw mates from work but here there are so many clubs and women's groups, sporting groups, exercise groups, dog walking groups, book clubs, just lets meet at the pub and eat cake clubs! I've never been invited to so many things!!

Ask a neighbour if there is a village whatsapp group. If so, ask people on there about the best local baby groups and I'm sure you'll meet some lovely new Mum friends very soon.

Give yourself time to acclimatise, OP and remember, city life can be lonely too.

Good luck in your new home.
I agree with other posters that you should check out local groups to join. Take baby for plenty of walks, and make use of local shops, village hall etc. Keep in touch with old friends, in the future they might enjoy a weekend away from the city.
I don't think your GP was being mindful of what she was saying.

She’s just projecting her feelings onto you. Just ignore.