Help navigating the teenage years

[StressfulBedtimes]

My eldest has not long turned 13 and omg he is vile
Everything is a drama, everything is a stress, he’s always the victim, everything is unfair lalala I’m actually living with Kevin
He over-reacts to evvvvverything which is tbh the thing that’s getting me down the most, and he spends a lot of time purposely winding up his younger siblings (why!?!)

Now I know he’s a teenager, I know they’re hard work, I’ve been one, I was prepared for this
But living with it every single day is fucking draining

Do any more seasoned teenage Mums have any pearls of wisdom or tips or tricks to help get us through?
In a couple of years I will have 2 teenagers and I’m, we’ll I’m scared 🙈

Sending sympathy. I have 3 teens. It's draining...
I can only offer a small amount of hope that my 18 yr old is coming out of it the other side now.

Pick your battles.

Look at this stage as moving towards having an adult relationship with him in a few years - so it's less about telling him what to do as you would a child and more about understanding his point of view. (though you may still end up telling him what to do).

Set ground rules - around household chores, going out, expectations, use of technology. Be prepared to review them frequently as he gets older.

If he is truly horrible, walk away, and when he is calmer, point out that you understand that things are tough, but he can't just talk to you how he wants.

Don't take things personally.

Think about all the things your parents did that you hated, and try not to do them.

4 teens here.
Winging it like most people!!

My son is nearly 13. Not quite Kevin yet but if I say the sky is blue he will say it’s green. He likes to disagree with everything I say and he is quite touchy. Think this is just the beginning.

Hes a lovely lad though lol 😂. Good luck.

@CheshireCats oh so I have only 5 more years to wait 🥴 fabulous!

@sheepdogdelight thank you those are very helpful - I think not taking it personally is definitely something I need to work on!
Re the doing the opposite of your parents thing, this is admittedly a huge struggle for me, my parents were mildly neglectful and tbh I didn’t have that much to do with them in my teen years, they didn’t really care where I was or who I was with, didn’t get involved in my school life, homework, friends etc and didn’t have any rules around drinking, smoking etc etc so figuring out appropriate boundaries for DS as he gets older has been very difficult for me and tbh I think sometimes I pull too much the other way and maybe treat him younger than he is…which then triggers the “oh my goddddd it’s not faaaiiiirrrrr” strops!
ooo it’s all very hard!

So much advice out there about toddler behaviours but not as much about teens, and I don’t know about you but I would take ten toddler tantrums over a teenage one any day!

Props to all of you with more than one teen btw - I hope your wine is good and strong!

Not speaking for everyone, but with regard to mine:
More like a toddler than when she was an actual toddler. When she's being horrible, I check if she's tired, hungry, bored or sad.
8 hours sleep is not enough. Some days nor is 16. If she needs to sleep, I let her.
If I need to speak with her about big things, I do it side by side rather than face to face. I get so much further if we chat in the car or on a walk.

Above advice is good.
I would add that no child is too old to be sent to their room to reflect on their language/behaviour/attitude.
Furthermore Im a strong believer in set house hold chores - mine help with all of it - drying up, hoovering, mowing the lawn, putting washing away, weeding - keeps them out of trouble (only half an hour a night) and gives them a sense of achievement and pride in the house.

Mother of a 15 yo here. Like you, OP, I hate it. I feel as if I've lost my lovely daughter and have to put up with a moody and selfish stranger in her place. I especially feel bad when other parents tell me how lucky they are with their teenage DDs, and how much they love to do stuff together. I just want to get through this stage, launch DD into more of her own life and get back to what's left of mine.

ps, don't allow any disrespectful behaviour or language, put the work in now and in a year or less it will pay off, otherwise you may end up with a badly behaved late teen.

Try the teenagers forum, we've seen it all! Things that helped me:
Decide what you really care about, ignore the rest
Show massive amounts of liking and appreciation (whilst being firm in response to horribleness)
Learning to walk away
Need a conversation? Late at night with snacks, or on a car ride or long walk
Never go in their room if you can help it
Ask their opinions
Keep mealtime conversation to global events or silly stuff- nothing personal