Is this unusual?

[AnyoneElseFeelDone]

Due to circumstances beyond our control, DH was away overnight this week and we think it's the first time in a decade we've not been under the same roof. And the last time would have been when I gave birth and stayed in for the night.

I know lots of spouses do night shift or work abroad or in the military but for us it was very strange.

Yeah I think that’s unusual, we often both work away, or have nights away with friends or visiting family.

My ex used to work away from Monday to Friday.
It was strange at first but I got used to it quickly and after a while preferred it. Hard work with several children to look after but I like my own space.

We’ve only spent one night apart in 15 years and that was because he was in hospital following an operation.
We are happy like this but I appreciate others find this unusual

In 10 years I have been away for 1 night on my own for a funeral, dh none. Don't really have other people to go away with so always in same place at night

Yeah it would be unusual for us. We often have nights over with family or weekends away with friends. Have you never gone away with your friends for a weekend? Or a hen night?

It is unusual for spouses. Less chance of not spending every night under the same roof as the kids though. Then one day one of them doesn't come home. Worse if it is two.

DH travels with work, I sometimes go away with friends or visit family with dc. It would be very unusual for us to spend an entire month together.....lockdoen was suffocating.

No right or wrong though, all relationships are different..

I realise it's unusual hence the post. We've come to the relationship later in life so maybe it means we've got a lot of the other things out of our system.

I have chronic illness so socialise in the day as I'm good for very little by evening and DH does go out but always rolls into bed at some point.

If we see family, we go as a family...

Unusual for us and pre covid dh worked all over the world for up to 2 weeks at a time. Plus we've very very occasionally and a night away with a friend.

I would say that's unusual. DH and I have 2 or maybe 3 weekends away per year each, to visit friends, go to festivals or sports events etc. We don't both go away at the same time, although we did more pre-kids. I'm travelling more for work these days too, with usually at least one overnight stay per month.

I can't imagine having never spent a night apart in 10 years! Work travel aside, I like to visit my friends or my sister by myself sometimes, and they're far enough away that an overnight stay helps to make the most of it. Have you not done anything similar to that OP?

Not unusual to us. We have been together 13 years and the only nights apart have been after the DC were born or when DH was in hospital for a week.

We certainly don't live in each others pockets but we don't have huge social circles and going on something like a hen weekend would be my idea of hell.

Thanks for all the input.

I'm not a fan of hen dos either and my circle are well past that now. I have done things like that and weekends away etc in the past.

Family abroad so visits are whole family, friends are happy to do day time things to accommodate my energy levels.

I think if you're in a position to afford a family holiday and 4-6 weekends away between you and your DH, you're in a different league to us. What spare money we have is spent on sports clubs and necessary tutoring for the children, taking them places such as museums etc

Thanks for everyone's perspective.

When I had said hen nights in my earlier post, yeah most of my own friends are past that stage too, however in the last decade there was 2 that got married in their early 40s and 1 who re married at 50, their hen weekends were actually more a eating at nice restaurants and shopping without kids pulling out of us, while we're all at different stages with the ages of our children, it's nice to be able to relax with friends and not worry about kids. I also had nieces and friends children who got married, while their hens were more activities based, it was lovely to catch up with everyone.

Mine are older teens and early 20s and I have a severely disabled 14 year old, so going away for weekends during the year with my friends is important to me. It gives me a little respite and I can truly relax. Same with my friends, they mostly work so having some down time from the routines at home refreshes everyone.

Visiting family is also done as a family but I also visit alone to my siblings who live abroad, it's not a case of having more money, it's the opposite, if we were to travel as a family the whole time it would cost a fortune for 7 of us, whereas me visiting my sister in Amsterdam or my sister in Scotland, or my brother in Germany I can catch up with them properly and have some quality time with them, same with dh, he has siblings abroad and does the same, he can go play golf and have a few drinks in Portugal with his brother and not have to worry about kids or me. He also plays for a golf club that involves tournaments in different Countries. There's not a hope I'd go to them with all my kids. I did pre kids and when we had one and it wasn't fun.

There's no right or wrong, it's what works for each person. While your health prevents you from doing night time stuff you get to catch up with friends and family during the day which works for you.