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Original poster

DS isn't very affectionate

6 replies

holymoles · 01/09/2022 09:46

DS is almost 11 months old, is he is a really easy baby in general and an absoloute delight. However, I've been a bit concerned lately as he never really shows any affection and has never been clingy in the slightest which yes I know that's a good thing in general and it has made my return to work this week a bit easier but when I have collected him after being away from him all day I have barely even had a smile from him and he doesn't seem pleased to see me. He never misses me if I'm gone and I'm always hearing people say how babies can be clingy and go through clingy stage but he never has and I'm a little bit concerned if this is normal? DP works away during the week so there is just the 2 of us usually but he doesn't seem that bothered by me, isn't keen on cuddles either and never puts his arms out to be picked up. Is this normal or could this be a sign something might be wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
holymoles · 01/09/2022 13:11

Hopeful bump

OP posts:
Lilgamesh2 · 01/09/2022 14:00

Does he ever cry if left alone in a room?

My 11 month old isn't especially cuddly as she's too busy crawling around trying to grab things. I think clingyness often comes from feeling unwell or hungry. Sometimes I think my baby only wants me for my breasts, otherwise she is more than happy with her dad or grandma. She would get scared if left alone or with total strangers though.

They do say that independent children are a sign of secure attachment, so maybe it's actually that you've bonded so well so he is very trusting of others and happy at nursery. My friend's baby is like that. It really hurt her feelings when her 1yr old tootled off to nursery without a backwards glance.

However I would think it odd if he doesn't show any signs of separation anxiety at all, and never has done. Im also surprised that he doesn't seem happy to see you when you pick him up from nursery but maybe he's just tired at that point or not very expressive in general. I'm not an expert in baby development so just guessing here. Have you asked the nursery workers what they think?

Original poster
holymoles · 01/09/2022 14:17

Lilgamesh2 · 01/09/2022 14:00

Does he ever cry if left alone in a room?

My 11 month old isn't especially cuddly as she's too busy crawling around trying to grab things. I think clingyness often comes from feeling unwell or hungry. Sometimes I think my baby only wants me for my breasts, otherwise she is more than happy with her dad or grandma. She would get scared if left alone or with total strangers though.

They do say that independent children are a sign of secure attachment, so maybe it's actually that you've bonded so well so he is very trusting of others and happy at nursery. My friend's baby is like that. It really hurt her feelings when her 1yr old tootled off to nursery without a backwards glance.

However I would think it odd if he doesn't show any signs of separation anxiety at all, and never has done. Im also surprised that he doesn't seem happy to see you when you pick him up from nursery but maybe he's just tired at that point or not very expressive in general. I'm not an expert in baby development so just guessing here. Have you asked the nursery workers what they think?

No he never cries if I leave the room, he is happy to be left while I pop to the kitchen or run upstairs for something. He was with my mum Tuesday and MIL Wednesday, starts with a childminder 1 day a week next week. I mentioned it to the HV last month but she just brushed it off however I'm still a bit concerned about whether this is normal or who to ask.

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GoAround · 01/09/2022 14:23

My DD was like this. She’s now 5 and as far as I’m aware she’s perfectly normal, just very confident, really sociable and not very touchy feely!

elastamum · 01/09/2022 14:26

DS1 was like this. The first day I left him at nursery he was as happy as a lark, whilst all around him there were toddlers crying. He is now a lovely normal confident adult. Try not to worry.

TenRedThings · 01/09/2022 23:28

With my DC clingyness and separation awareness kicked in about 15 -18 months when they started to realize that they were separate entities.

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