Upset with myself - can't keep anything nice

[tulips27]

I had to add a bell to my new (to me) bike and I've scratched my old bike in pulling off the bell from it and also scratched the new bike by accidentally scraping it while I moved it in position to work on it. I'm really upset; neither bike is very expensive but that's not the point. My old bike had zero marks on it and now it does. I can't keep anything nice and I can't do any jobs without breaking things, knocking into them or ruining them. Nice clothes have bleach marks on or stains or are ripped (I accidentally ripped my best top taking it off the other day). Scratched phones and sunglasses, battered-looking handbags; nothing is in good condition. I wore new white canvas shoes the other day and they got covered in weird black dust that stained. But other people I know don't have this problem. 😢

I am exactly the same. Had a lovely new outfit, put it in to go out. Decided to put hand cream on, big grease mark across the chest of my new top.
Worst was when I reversed my 2 week old car off my drive into my neighbours ( awkwardly) parked van. His van not a mark, my car had a huge dent in it.
I have bleach on so many of my clothes it's ridiculous.
I'm really clumsy as well which doesn't help.

Maybe you might be dyspraxic ?

You are being very hard on yourself.

My old bike had zero marks on it and now it does. I can't keep anything nice
Just wanted to highlight these contradictory sentences for you to see that sometimes you do keep things nice.
You looked after your old bike really well until, presumably, it was time to get a new one. Give yourself a break.
Other people break/wreck their stuff all the time and you probably just don't notice. It's always more noticeable to the person whose stuff it is. Also, as you get older and more fed up of wasting money on stuff that doesn't stay nice, you tend to make choices that are less likely to stain/get ruined e.g. not white/pastel colours for everyday trainers (or coats)!
It would be unrealistic to expect things to stay perfect.

You're catastrophising.

@tulips27 I feel the same! Whether its a new car, bike, carpet or clothes I will spoil them within days. However careful I am! Had a nearly new car last October and was determined to look after the alloys - nope! kerbed within 2 months. Someone dented it within 2 weeks !

I studied psychology. One of the Professors had done work in this area. She said that “being clumsy” is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Where did you get the idea from that you “can’t keep anything nice”? Whose voice is in your head telling you this?

I'm clumsy, I put it down to being left handed, the world is just back to front to me. Plus, like about 20% of people, I have a very very mild version of spina bidifa (found out by chance, most people never know) and I think this is also part of it.

Like PP said, I am careful about what I buy, and 99% of my things are second hand. I don't really like owning new stuff, I'd rather its not perfect to begin with. Plus of course, its better for the environment.

Oh and also, I left my uber-critical husband and that took a LOT of the stress out of damaging anything!!

Don't be harsh on yourself op.

I'm the same and I know exactly what you mean, it's very depressing. Sometimes I see people who look absolutely perfect like they have just stepped out of a magazine shoot and I wonder how?!? Even if I managed to do my hair and face and outfit nicely (lol at this) it would be ruined in approximately 15 minutes, but they are just out in the world living their life and somehow manage to stay perfect. I am just a scruffball. I work with it as much as I can, choosing more forgiving styles, easy wash fabrics (can anybody really eat without spilling food on themselves?) and I don't care that much (I can't care that much or I would be constantly distraught, it is enormously discouraging) but I do sometimes catch a look at myself and despair at my inability to be a functioning adult.

I have ADHD, and I think that is probably behind some of it as it fucks up your motor coordination a bit, similar to dyspraxia. Diagnosed in adulthood, no obvious hyperactive symptoms. I am more of the clumsy/forgetful/disorganised type.

I'm exactly the same op....never buy myself new clothes but recently treated myself to a new black top which I really liked. Cleaning the kitchen side and leant over and got the cleaning spray on my top. Put it straight in machine but too late and had bleach marks.

Or.....just don't care about the marks?

Thanks for the interesting insights.

I avoid bleach wherever I can now, I usually use toilet cleaner instead of bleach and bleach-free cleaning sprays. I've written off too much clothing due to bleach. And a basic top has tripled in price nowadays...

I also never buy nice sunglasses as I know they will be ruined. 3/4 pound sunglasses from Lidl for me.

I do think left-handed people have an excuse, though. Things aren't set up for them.

Oh god yes, I can't be trusted with bleach, I just don't buy it, problem solved 🤣

Why are you bleaching in your nice clothes though? I clean the house in my grubby old PJs. As for white shoes, I wouldn't buy them in the first place cos they will just get filthy when I went for a walk.

I'm going to be that poster as well, but some of it is down to the quality of items in the first place. I've had clothes rip when I take them off or destroyed when I wash them. Most times they've been from Primark or equally cheap places.

With stuff like your phone and glases, do you have hard cases for them?

Just see marks as a history of life on the object. Impossible to keep everything looking new. My goodness you should see the state of a paperback book after I've read it!!

Ditching bleach was a good idea. You solved a problem.

how about purchasing yourself a cleaning apron or even a cheap lab coat just for cleaning/messy jobs or cooking. No you won’t look like a tool. You’ll have nice clean clothes and one item for doing the dirty work.

accepting you’ll make a mess of things and need an extra step to prevent that is the first way to fix this.

sunglasses being kept nice is a habit you need to learn. Buy a good case that fits on your bag. Get into the habit of putting them into the case as soon as you take them off. When you’ve mastered the habit. Buy something nicer.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. If there bleach, I will unconsciously gravitate towards it & bleach out a top, if it can be dropped then I will drop it, if there muck then guaranteed it’ll be all over my shoes before I know it.

I could blame my lack of stability on my spina bifida occulta (unfortunately about as severe as it can be) & lots of associated spinal disability that makes me wobble (and the meds I have to take to deal with the pain) but I’ll be honest, I’m just clumsy lol! If it can be dropped, knocked, smashed, exploded or dirtied then I’m the expert.

Available for bar mitzvah’s, weddings, children’s parties etc.

I'm a messy eater and struggle to complete a meal without earning a dinner badge.

I recently made myself a batik print top. It's brilliant, I could hide a complete roast dinner on it and no-one would know. This is now my favourite 'going out' top.

I'm so messy/accident-prone that I wear an apron to eat (when at home, anyway. Eating outside the house is thus fraught with peril. I consider what I'm having for lunch when deciding what to wear, and vice versa. If it's a white top, then a cheese sandwich. If it's a black top, then I might risk the pasta with tomato sauce).

Anyway, your whole OP sounds like a not-very-nice parent yelling at their kid. Be nicer to yourself. Everyone else spoils/breaks stuff sometimes too, they just don't tell you or beat themselves up on the Internet. It's ok if a bike has a scratch on it.

I am similar to you in that my clothes, possessions etc get damaged and stained. I am different in that it doesn't bother me, I wasn't always unbothered, but I decided that if things still work, appearance doesn't matter. I refuse to be miserable because my clothes have bleach stains, other people don't really notice. I have a dog, so dog hairs and dog slobber are part of life, as are muddy footprints. I am also retired, so my own appearance is nobody else's business, when I worked, I had to have a certain standard of smartness, but now comfort is my only standard. Throw off those shackles of 'what other people think' and 'oh I have spoiled it'
Enjoy your life!

I also never buy nice sunglasses as I know they will be ruined.

Well, no, they won't be 'ruined', they'll get scratched or break or whatever as things do over time!

It's of course a balance - I'm not saying buy endless pairs of designer glasses - I wear sunglasses all the time, regardless of weather and have a tendency to get them scratched / lose them, as I push them into my hair, leave them down all the time. So I buy mid-range glasses rather than an expensive pair that I have to mind.

But don't feel you need to necessarily go for the cheapest - buy what you can afford, and accept that nice things will get worn out or damaged, occasionally lost and that's ok. I look after my things really well (regardless of price) so I can understand your frustration if something gets damaged, but you are being really harsh on yourself as PP have said.

Make sensible changes like no bleach near good clothes but don't let it stop you enjoying your purchases!