What is the procedure to get a dementing parent into a care home?

[Smallmouse1]

We are at the limit of our efforts caring for df. He's now at the point of needing to be observed closely 24/7 or he does all sorts of idiotic things like putting the plastic salad bowl onto the hot cooker top or putting his cup and plate into the washing machine with the laundry/ pouring milk into the kettle etc. His personal care is extremely hard too and his moods can be very changable though the GP says his meds are up to date. My db and I both work and we're just about at breaking point trying to manage. We've left messages with Social services but no one returns the calls. There is no one else to help. What do other families do?

Keep going with SS. Put in a complaint that you haven’t heard from them.

I’m so sorry, OP - after both a parent and an IL with dementia, I do know how very hard it is.

AFAIK the recommended way is to tell SS emphatically that the person is vulnerable and at risk, (apparently the buzzwords) because they cannot safely be left alone at all any more, and you both need to work. IMO this is quite common by a certain stage of dementia - you just don’t know what they might do - it’s like leaving a toddler on the loose, but one who’s all too likely to start a house fire via the cooker.

I did hear of someone who became desperate enough to tell SS that if they didn’t act now, she was going to take her relative to A&E and leave her/him there. Not saying I’d recommend it, but it did work.

Is he likely to be paying for the care himself, or do you hope it will be paid for by the council? If he'll be paying himself, I'd start looking round now for a suitable home. Personal recommendations are always a great way to find a good home, but if you've no clue where to start, I'd try using www.carehome.co.uk/home/amp asa starting point, contacting some of the homes you think might be suitable and arranging to go and visit. A good home will help guide you through the process of assessment and application.

I also know how exhausting it can be trying to support someone living with dementia, but please try and remember he's really not doing any of this deliberately or trying to be difficult - he is trying to make sense of a world that is becoming more and more confusing for him, which is likely to make him scared and/or frustrated by his own struggles.

Good luck, and hang in there.

Contact Age UK. They are very helpful wrt putting you in touch with appropriate organisations.
Also, you need to email social services (adult safeguarding). Phone calls rarely work.
Ask for a carer's assessment for yourself.
Email your dad's GP.
Vulnerable Adult
Safeguarding risk
Carer breakdown
are all important words to use.

How did you ho on @Smallmouse1 ? Is your dad in a home now?