11 plus worry

[LambLamb]

Just that really. My ds has always been bright but we have run through some mock tests, and he has failed by a lot. He is scoring around 45%. He has a weekly tutor but I think we have taken our foot off the ball for the basic multiplication, division methods etc as he has forgotten them, and rushes through the work, getting them wrong as thinks he can do them in his head, he can't.

Just feeling very down tonight.

I'm sorry OP, I know it can be hard as a parent to mask that disappointment and put a positive spin on things for your DC.

You imagine a future where education works out a certain way but there are many, many paths to success and happiness and the 11+ is just one path.

I'd be tempted not to push at all at this stage. Ease off don't escalate, and maybe even cancel any remaining tuition without making a big thing out of it. No more mocks, but keep doing occasional pop quiz questions and let DC sit the exam. Make it a pleasant experience and take the pressure off.

Replace tuition with something fun and unexpected - a rock climbing course, or ice skating lessons, or buy a drum kit. And do loads of quality time activities together to remind both of you what childhood - and life - is about. (Clue: it isn't about passing the 11+).

My DS is exactly the same. And friends have complained the same about their kids- they all try to do it all in their heads. Part of it is that they have never been taught or had to use exam techniques. I spent a session with my DS explaining that math is like Lego- it has an order and you need to keep your pieces neat otherwise you lose bits and can never build the model correctly. The analogy really worked for him as he loves Lego and now, finally, he will write down his working out and gets less confused. More of an issue for us is timing and I can't see that improving enough over the next week to get him through.

I wish we didn't live where we do as the grammar schools are amazing and the non grammar bounce in and out of special measures, but we do so I feel we have to give the 11+ a try but at the same time I know he's bright so academically I think he will be ok wherever he ends up so I will look for the non grammar school that has the best pastoral care and best behaviour.

My son is similar. Thinks he can do it all in his head, sometimes he even can but then loses marks for workings out!

I would suggest doing 10 min tests every day and rewarding with a small thing for 8/10. Then once a week doing timed papers.

Ultimately, if he doesn't want to do well or realise the importance of it then you can't make him do it. Perhaps you need to chat with him about why you want him to do this exam to improve his motivation? I'm not of the school of thought which sees kids as delicate flowers. Sometimes they do need a bit of external pressure if they don't have internal motivation. You're not a bad person for applying this. Not necessarily a full shove but a strong guiding hand on the back iyswim.

But he is just a kid and if he's not motivated then it's ok. If he's bright he will do ok in any school so try not to stress about it.

Does he have to take it? Even in some full grammar areas it’s optional. One of my DC did (& passed with a super high score), the other didn’t even sit it as we knew she wouldn’t pass. No stress then.

U tube has some good maths stuff and NVR stuff.

Can't you ask tutors to go over basic exam techniques?

And remind him of the maths

What is the problem if he doesn't pass ?

We're preparing too.

My daughter has always been bright, but I still have worries, not because I'm hell bent on a grammar but because I don't want her to be disappointed/upset/feel she failed.

I'm letting her take it because she wants to but with the message that no matter what happens it's about doing her best and then finding a school she will be happy in based on the choices available. Even when kids are bright a grammar isn't always the best choice.

How does your son feel about it? Are you in an area with lots of pressure around grammars?