How long would it take to get over an ex?

[bezzok]

Just curious about what you think.

My husband told me he thought it was really weird that my friend would still cry over her partner of 7 years, 6 months after their breakup.

But to me, I think it would take me years I believe.

What do you think?

Took me 2 years to be properly over the breakdown of my 6.5 year relationship (a decade ago).

Probably would have been closer to a year but he was an asshole who also dropped our DCs like a hot rock whilst he swanned around with OW and only paying maintenance sporadically.

Our DCs were also only 2.5 years old and a newborn. So throw in post natal hormones, sleepless nights, no partner to tag in (because he’s fucked off with OW), a confused and upset toddler (this is what hurt me the most) and all the lies he was telling post split - I was a bag of fuck knows what emotionally.

My latest relationship was around 16 months and I was over it within weeks; we never lived together, DCs hadn’t met him, I had no future plans with him in mind.

It took me a good few years, and was made easier when he died, honestly.

I did really love him, though, to a ridiculous degree.

It's been 3 years for me and I'm still hurting. I think obviously circumstances play a big part in this. My ex had an affair and walked out to be with her leaving our 14yr marriage and 3 kids. So it really broke me.

It can take years, your husband just doesn't realise, probably because he has not been in that situation.

This thread is very reassuring for anyone going through the weeds of a breakup. It’s a lonesome gut wrenching, sleepless nights process regardless of how much older & wiser you’re meant to be. There’s no easy answer but for anyone experiencing it, take heart that eventually it will ease. It’s helpful to know there’s others out there in a similar “grieving for the relationship” process,

My (much older) friend is in her early 70’s, her bloke, a widower, is knocking up 75. They were engaged but not quite full-time cohabiting. She discovered he was using OLD during their times apart. She’s in bits & just wants the pain to go away. She says she feels as if she can never ever trust a man again. It’s an indictment of the times we live in, very sad and a painful path to tread.

Two years.

About half the length the relationship was good for? So if it turned shit after 5 years, 2.5 years should do it. Obviously everyone varies. 6 months is nothing after 7 years. Obviously it should lessen in intensity and if she meets someone else or has something else exciting going on in her life ot will be quicker. Like a new job or something like that.

It depends on all the circumstances surely. Some relationships, not long at all. Others you could still be in love decades later

Still hurts and there's something akin to missing him 17 yrs later.
Not sure if it's a sadness about us, or something to do with what could have been.
If we didn't have a child together then I'm sure it wouldn't still be there.

It's complicated.

A relationship ending is a particular sort of grief. It takes a while to move through the pain and get used to the new normal.

My ex of 20yrs... Mostly over him after a year, but still processing parts of life without him. E.g. this weekend I've given my bedroom an overhaul and it was so freeing to recognise it was all my choices and I didn't have to have arguments about lampshades, colour,curtains dragged over months as he didn't like my choices, but couldn't be arsed to find things he did like instead.

6 months is ok after 7 years. As is 6 weeks. As is 6 years. Grief is a very individual thing.

You need to give yourself time to adapt, to get comfortable and feel safe with being alone . It is an awful process to go through and it's easy to clutch at straws to lessen the pain. Heartache has taught me to have my own back no matter what. l will never put myself in a vulnerable position again so my home stays my home and nobody elses.
There is a really helpful book on Amazon by Susan J Elliott called Getting Past Your Breakup, how to turn a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to you, think she also has a blog and some youtube videos. This book was a great help to me at a really difficult time.