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Original poster

Returning to work after 7 years- scared!!

14 replies

Adventurine · 31/08/2022 12:15

I start a job tomorrow after being home with kids for 7 years. I am so scared I'm literally shaky and feeling nauseated.

Im terrified I'm going to make an idiot of myself or get told off or have a horrible boss.... somehow will be out of my depth or humiliated in some way. This is ridiculous, I am 38 years old!

Has anyone else gone back to work after a long break?

Im scared I won't fit everything into my life! I am a carer for my oldest, all of my kids are ND, so is my husband, I have a whole house to keep clean around these people who can't organise their own lives, I am in the middle of an OU degree.... have I made a huge mistake?? I wanted some ME back and I wanted to start building a pension but have I just buggered everything up? Part of me keeps almost crying and thinking I should call and apologise and say I can't do it!

OP posts:

magaluf1999 · 31/08/2022 12:30

Don't panic. The modern day work place isn't like the one you left. Less rigid and days of majorly authoritarian boss is gone. Grown adults don't get 'told off'.

You will need to find a new routine and it will take time to settle. You really need to give it six months for you all to get used to the change. You may have to lower your standards. Focus on the positives the additional cash will bring to your family and the role model you are setting your children.

They will have to take on responsibility around the home as will your husband in the way that works for them. If not can the new family budget stretch to a cleaner to just ease your burden a little.

There will be things you enjoy about working and things you dont. But it will balance out.

mumofnations · 31/08/2022 12:46

So I have been a SAHM for 10 years.....finally decided it was time for me to go back to work in February, best decision I have made I only do a couple of hours a day I work in a school so it fits in perfectly with my children with holiday etc.....I feel like a different person I actually feel something other than a mum and wife I am so proud of myself as you should be to ....you will be fine 🙂

vincettenoir · 31/08/2022 12:51

I think the fact that you were driven enough to return to work indicates you are ready for it. I’m sure the application process etc wasn’t easy but you did it.

Good luck with your return. I hope you enjoy it.

WhatIsThisPlease · 31/08/2022 12:56

I didn't work for 14 years.

Had a terrible first day. Hated it. Nearly didn't go back. But I did and I very quickly loved it. Still there 5 years later.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be awesome 🤩

Original poster

Adventurine · 31/08/2022 12:57

mumofnations · 31/08/2022 12:46

I will also be working in a school- I did that before being a SAHM. I'll be doing 3.5 days a week because I know I won't be able to keep on top of everything else if I do more

OP posts:

Toomuchleopard · 31/08/2022 12:57

I went back to work after having 6 years off and my kids were 7, 5 and 2. I was nervous and had lost confidence and thought I couldn’t remember anything about the job (it’s a technical job in engineering). However I remembered it all really quickly and got my confidence back. It was a bit of an adjustment for the family at first and all 3 kids wet the bed every night for the first month! It all settled down though and I’m still doing it 6 years later.

Tdcp · 31/08/2022 13:22

I've gone to work full time after 12 years at home (Illness then 7 years with children), it started off a bit rocky, I had a few minimum wage cleaning jobs etc but I kept applying for others, I now work for a nice company that treat me like a real adult human! I probably have far too much responsibility 😂 it really was the best decision I've ever made. You'll do great OP!

Caramac555 · 31/08/2022 13:36

I took up a part time school post after 7 years out and was also terrified. Possibly you feel like I did an outdated dinosaur with few recent skills to offer a workplace.

I think you will be fine and will be glad to have more of a life away from the house. I have learnt that motherhood often brings very useful skills to the workplace, prioritising, more focused on getting work done efficiently, tuning out distraction, expect the unexpected and stay calm etc. Endless patience, sense of humour and realism, and conflict resolution skills. Schools often need this personality type more than a very sharp honed skill set in my experience.

Original poster

Adventurine · 31/08/2022 21:05

I suppose I feel a bit like I'm on my own- nobody in my family has remembered and nobody in my house has the headspace to be bothered, so I've got nobody to share my worries with

OP posts:

YesitsBess · 31/08/2022 21:19

We’re here! Worry away.

But in seriousness, it’s not going to be perfect, you’re making a big change and it will be wobbly for a while. I went back to work after 20 years working for myself, absolutely loving it. my boss would be considered “old school” by the standards of today but is a flexible and compassionate person and I love the work.

As long as the house isn’t:

On fire
Underwater
Full of rats

Then cut yourself some slack for a while and leave clear instructions for the NT family members, then be prepared for those to be cocked up!

Original poster

Adventurine · 01/09/2022 19:00

It was ok! It was really ok. Lots of training today and the same tomorrow, but I think I might be ready for this!

OP posts:

YesitsBess · 01/09/2022 19:04

Hurray! I’m chuffed for you OP!

house still standing?

feeona123 · 01/09/2022 19:07

I had 5 years off. I was worried about being able to turn off a computer!! It all came back naturally and was fine! Steep learning curve but half I did it.

ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving · 01/09/2022 19:17

I had 6 years out of being employed, although I did do self employed work for a few years before that. I was terrified as well, especially since it was my first employed role in a new career, but it has been brilliant, better than I could ever have hoped for.

However...

My children are both NT and so is my partner. He is organised and thoughtful and pulls his weight equally at home. I also wasn't studing along side everything else.

So I think you would be wise to set boundaries early on in terms of what is and is not your responsibility at home. If possible you may need to raise your expectations of your husband and lower your expectations on yourself. You will almost certainly need to drop your standards around housework to a bare minimum and I strongly recommend being frank with your tutors about your situation and taking every scrap of support they offer.

You sound like a really driven and resilient person so I'm sure it will work out for you ☺️

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