I think it's because I have a daughter and although she's only primary school age at the moment, it has made me reflect on school and teenage years etc. I recently remembered something that isn't really a big deal at all, but which I remember upset me so much at the time and has kind of stayed with me always.
When I was about 14 - 17 I was in a friendship group of four, really close, we had a lovely time. I was very much the lowest in the pecking order for many reasons, low on confidence and not well looked after at home, desperate to be liked/ accepted/ fancied/ cool etc. Anyway, one of the girls, the top dog, got appendicitis and it was a big drama for us as teenagers. We bought her loads of stuff, expensive surf clothing (god knows why, but that was the hottest ticket stuff at the time), and all sorts, and took it in turns to visit her over the few days she was in hospital. We were probably loving it all, I'm sure, but we made a big fuss of her and she came out and was fine.
About a month later, by coincidence, I got appendicitis - I didn't even think it could be for days although I had the classic central stomach pain that gradually moved down and right and eventually I couldn't walk or eat so I got taken to hospital and it was appendicitis, quite nasty actually as I'd left it. Anyway, I was fine once I'd had the op and recovered. But my friends decided I'd made it up to copy the first friend and therefore shunned me for about a month during and after. I remember being in hospital feeling absolutely horrid and completely heartbroken really. What upsets me most is that I just took it, and eventually things went back to normal and I never ever mentioned it again. I look back now and can't believe what an utterly pathetic reaction that was from me, and how little self-esteem I must've had. It makes me feel so sad, and so determined not to let my daughter ever be that way. We are so similar it really scares me that she might grow up to be like I was as I really don't think I learned any self-worth until I was in my late twenties - is that normal?
Not even sure what the point of this is. I am pregnant and emotional, I guess. Overthinking and remembering. But god I wish I'd had a bit more about myself as a teenager and not behaved like such a wet wipe (I also feel a bit sorry for myself looking back and wish I could reach back through time and give myself a hug!).