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Remembering horrible teenage moments

5 replies

ringpop · 30/08/2022 21:46

I think it's because I have a daughter and although she's only primary school age at the moment, it has made me reflect on school and teenage years etc. I recently remembered something that isn't really a big deal at all, but which I remember upset me so much at the time and has kind of stayed with me always.

When I was about 14 - 17 I was in a friendship group of four, really close, we had a lovely time. I was very much the lowest in the pecking order for many reasons, low on confidence and not well looked after at home, desperate to be liked/ accepted/ fancied/ cool etc. Anyway, one of the girls, the top dog, got appendicitis and it was a big drama for us as teenagers. We bought her loads of stuff, expensive surf clothing (god knows why, but that was the hottest ticket stuff at the time), and all sorts, and took it in turns to visit her over the few days she was in hospital. We were probably loving it all, I'm sure, but we made a big fuss of her and she came out and was fine.

About a month later, by coincidence, I got appendicitis - I didn't even think it could be for days although I had the classic central stomach pain that gradually moved down and right and eventually I couldn't walk or eat so I got taken to hospital and it was appendicitis, quite nasty actually as I'd left it. Anyway, I was fine once I'd had the op and recovered. But my friends decided I'd made it up to copy the first friend and therefore shunned me for about a month during and after. I remember being in hospital feeling absolutely horrid and completely heartbroken really. What upsets me most is that I just took it, and eventually things went back to normal and I never ever mentioned it again. I look back now and can't believe what an utterly pathetic reaction that was from me, and how little self-esteem I must've had. It makes me feel so sad, and so determined not to let my daughter ever be that way. We are so similar it really scares me that she might grow up to be like I was as I really don't think I learned any self-worth until I was in my late twenties - is that normal?

Not even sure what the point of this is. I am pregnant and emotional, I guess. Overthinking and remembering. But god I wish I'd had a bit more about myself as a teenager and not behaved like such a wet wipe (I also feel a bit sorry for myself looking back and wish I could reach back through time and give myself a hug!).

OP posts:
ohyeahiwaittablestoo · 30/08/2022 21:48

I'm sorry that happened to you. Nothing quite as stark as that happened to me but I was similarly bottom of the pecking order and took far too much shit from "friends". Can't give any advice as my daughter is only 2, but I have had these worries too as she's very similar to me in a lot of ways. Hoping someone will be along shortly to help.

Whatsmynameagainplease · 30/08/2022 21:57

Nothing as bad as that, that's just horrible. I did let friends walk all over me I was always scared they'd fall out with me and I wouldn't have any friends.

Mamoun · 30/08/2022 21:58

I completely understand where you're coming from but first of all your daughter isn't you, her experiences will be different to yours. While you can give her all the tools to be confident and have high self-esteem, she will have negative experiences which you cannot protect her against.

At the end of the day, you sound like a lovely person and al

Mamoun · 30/08/2022 22:00

Sorry the message sent...

You sound like a lovely person and these experiences have probably formed you and given you great sensitivity and empathy which are beautiful traits (for which I am sure you are loved by the people that are around you)

Keyansier · 30/08/2022 22:34

It's so easy to be critical and hard on yourself over your teenage years and look back and think "what the fuck did I put up with that for?" and "I wish I did this/wish I didn't do that". But you are looking on it with an adult outlook and thinking back with an adult brain. Teenagers are children. Children don't have the capability to process things the way that adults do. Probably also the reason why teenage dramas can seem utterly ridiculous to adults who have quite forgotten that at the time, they went through similar.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be hard on yourself for the past. You - and your younger self - don't deserve it.

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