I feel invisible in my two friendship groups.

[Wisteriabloom]

I do have other friends & acquaintances I see, by the way! I just think of these two groups as my 'main" friends, which is why I'm feeling hurt.

It seems that each time I post on either of the WhatsApp groups suggesting we all meet up/try a new restaurant that's opened etc, I get non-committal responses, ie, 'Sounds good, I'll let you know', or 'Maybe, when work is less busy let's set a date', and they never mention it again so it doesn't happen. Or, as happened recently 3 of them were coming to mine for the evening, I'd shopped and prepped, only for one to cancel the day before (valid reason), and the other 2 to cancel on the day (lame excuses). I was so upset! 🙁

I admit I'm probably the quietest out of the group, (I'm sociable, but maybe not quite as gregarious as them), so wonder if this is the reason. 🤔 Thing is though, I'm not left out. If one of them suggests we all meet up it tends to happen , and I'm included too. It's just they all seem to bypass my suggestions. For instance the restaurant one, they were all non-committal but a few weeks later one of the others suggested the SAME restaurant, and everyone jumped at it! 🤔

I feel as if I'm pleasant enough company to be around them, but not 'enough' on my.own? An example was recently when 3 of us were going out, one had to cancel then I got a message from the other one claiming she'd felt sick & headachy all afternoon, and could we postpone. To me, it seemed to come on suspiciously suddenly when she realised it was just her & me. I thought we were quite close. ☹

I starting to wonder if they'd even notice if I left the groups. Dh says that would be cutting off my nose to spite my face, as I do enjoy it when I see them, but feel I'm 'bottom of the list' somehow.

Btw, the one who cancelled on me was very quick to ask for a favour when I bumped into her a few days later! I wish they knew how hurtful this is.

I wouldn’t leave the group or anything, but I would take a step back, just go to stuff if invited and fancied it, and in the meantime concentrate on a couple of other closer individual friends. Groups are a bit rubbish like that to be honest.

JOMO

Joy of missing out x

I dont like groups nobody commits. I have 1 or 2 sincere friends thats it. Think I got over invested in friends and chasing plans. God got tired of it all. Disheartening

I have spent the last couple of evenings overthinking two friendship groups and it is really hurtful. As someone else said, do people not realise I can see the messages have been read? I don't expect anyone to reply straight away, but 2.5 weeks on and no reply is shit.

I have nearly left a couple of times but have instead decided to stay in the groups, try and take a step back emotionally and focus outside those groups on people who seem to actually want to see me. It is really hard OP, and hard to find new friends. Stick with it.

Anyone looking for some sanity? I've cleared out my Instagram and don't follow friends anymore. I just follow coaches and personal development gurus!!! Honestly it's changed my life. I'd recommend @Mel

Thank you everybody. 🙂
It's always hard, isn't it when you realise the time and effort you invest in people, just isn't reciprocated in some cases. I'll focus more on other friendships.

One friend in one of the groups (I felt she was one of my closest friends), often said throughout Lockdown how much she was looking forward to a coffee catch-up with me (we live on the same road).

So once Lockdown ended, I texted her,
suggesting an afternoon to meet up. She seemed keen, then on the day literally an hour before, she texted saying her son wasn't well and she needed to food shop, and she'd be in touch next week to rearrange. She never did. ☹ Btw, her son is in his teens, and we'd have been just a few minutes walk away. The following day I saw him walking home from school with friends, so obviously lame excuses again. I was quite upset, we hadn't seen each other for months, and her 'Let's catch up soon' texts obviously meant nothing! 🤔

Noonesaiditwouldbeeasy - Sounds like you"ve got the right idea! 😀

I could have written this. Sending solidarity. I just found out the school mums are in a group that I’m not. And by year 4 there’s an obvious reason to exclude me, it’s not just that no one knows me. I shouldn’t be bothered (I have friends) but I weirdly am. In another group I make plans, that people flake out of. The way you were treated on your birthday was crap. I would have had to say something about that.
I think you need to find a new tribe.

Thank you Spudina, sorry that you're going through this too. I really wish I'd been bold enough to say omething about my birthday weekend, I was really hurt by it.

The 'school-mum' group sounds familiar, too. My children are in their late teens and early 20's now, but I was often the first person people would ask if they needed help with school runs/childcare etc. I was never invited on the 'end of term mums' nights out' though.

I actually find it unbelievable, how selfish some people can be.