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Original poster

11 year old not having a phone.

20 replies

User36373729472847273 · 30/08/2022 19:27

Starting secondary next week. He has diagnosed autism and undiagnosed adhd. He is prone to losing things so likely to lose a phone quickly.

Worried he will be bullied if he doesn't have one? but don't feel it would be appropriate for him to take one to school anyway. I also don't feel he needs one. He doesn't go out on his own as he is not mature enough to do so, he will hopefully be getting a taxi to and from school provided for by LA. If he was going on the bus he'd likely need a phone.

he is not hid away from tech, if anything opposite. He has a recent iPad, he has a computer and Xbox. He doesn't really need a phone!

should I be getting him one?

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 30/08/2022 19:31

Usually I'd say they need a phone for secondary.
But not necessarily in your situation.

TeenDivided · 30/08/2022 19:34

Though it might depend on your school as some actively encourage their use in class to look things up, or take photos of homework (which might be helpful for him?). Others have absolute bans on phones being seen at all.

Longdistance · 30/08/2022 19:35

My dds have phones as they go to school by bus to another town. If he’s not doing that, he doesn’t really need one.
One of dds friends doesn’t have one ‘as she broke it’ she has asd. I communicate with her dm wrt meeting up.
There is pressure there from friends.
I check dds phones daily and that’s the deal with owning the phone.
Play it by ear.

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Itsthelookitsthelook · 30/08/2022 19:35

My DS started y7 last summer, and his school did a summer school as they'd missed induction due to covid. By the time they started school he had connected with lots of other kids through WhatsApp, they have groups for each form and then other interests. It's been a lifeline for him as a shy kid who struggles to make friends.
I suppose in your sons situation you may not be able to let him have that kind if freedom just yet?

Original poster
User36373729472847273 · 30/08/2022 19:37

TeenDivided · 30/08/2022 19:34

Though it might depend on your school as some actively encourage their use in class to look things up, or take photos of homework (which might be helpful for him?). Others have absolute bans on phones being seen at all.

Thanks. I never thought to ask but their website does state that they must be kept in bags and kept off so I'd assume not needed but 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
User36373729472847273 · 30/08/2022 19:39

Itsthelookitsthelook · 30/08/2022 19:35

My DS started y7 last summer, and his school did a summer school as they'd missed induction due to covid. By the time they started school he had connected with lots of other kids through WhatsApp, they have groups for each form and then other interests. It's been a lifeline for him as a shy kid who struggles to make friends.
I suppose in your sons situation you may not be able to let him have that kind if freedom just yet?

His social skills are well below par so it's hard to say! I would be concerned he'd be a bit ott with messaging himself!

OP posts:
Original poster
User36373729472847273 · 30/08/2022 19:40

Thanks all. I have my old iPhone ready to sue since I've upgraded, it's still in fab condition. Maybe I'll just think about a sim only deal when appropriate. I'm just scared the bugger will lose it straight away!

OP posts:
Slopey · 30/08/2022 19:42

I would. My autistic child does. I wouldn't be worried about bullying but without one he has no hope of ever contacting friends outside school or practising texting you to let you know he's on his way or delayed, for example. One day he will need to learn to phone or text you, and that starts with him owning a phone.

Buy second hand, get a good case and screen protector, get a £6pcm sim only contract on Giffgaff.

DS also has the homework app and school email account on his phone. Can he manage it all independently? Definitely not. But he's making progress. WhatsApp has been useful for developing budding friendships too, with support.

Original poster
User36373729472847273 · 30/08/2022 19:48

Slopey · 30/08/2022 19:42

I would. My autistic child does. I wouldn't be worried about bullying but without one he has no hope of ever contacting friends outside school or practising texting you to let you know he's on his way or delayed, for example. One day he will need to learn to phone or text you, and that starts with him owning a phone.

Buy second hand, get a good case and screen protector, get a £6pcm sim only contract on Giffgaff.

DS also has the homework app and school email account on his phone. Can he manage it all independently? Definitely not. But he's making progress. WhatsApp has been useful for developing budding friendships too, with support.

Thank you. He's used I message erc before on iPad and has used my phone a lot so he definitely has the knowledge to phone & call. It is just being brave enough to give him his own in which he might lose or continuously ring me form school or something 🤦‍♀️He's quite a tech driven child. He's just started an Instagram account to his special interests from my partners phone, he doesn't seem to care that he doesn't have any followers but I am concerned he will be vulnerable to bullying once he starts secondary 😓

OP posts:
Lulumo · 30/08/2022 19:52

Make sure there is a pocket on his rucksack where just his phone goes, get him into the habit of charging his phone when he comes home and put back in bag before sleep. Routine is key to aid forgetfulness. you may need to remind him a lot at the beginning

he needs a phone even if it’s just to contact you if the taxi doesn’t turn up

Original poster
User36373729472847273 · 30/08/2022 20:11

Lulumo · 30/08/2022 19:52

Make sure there is a pocket on his rucksack where just his phone goes, get him into the habit of charging his phone when he comes home and put back in bag before sleep. Routine is key to aid forgetfulness. you may need to remind him a lot at the beginning

he needs a phone even if it’s just to contact you if the taxi doesn’t turn up

Thank you! I guess I'll take a look at some sim only deals then, anyone know the most reasonable provider for them? I'm with EE but the sim only deals aren't cheap!! He doesn't need much!

OP posts:
PMAmostofthetime · 30/08/2022 20:24

@User36373729472847273 has he asked for one? If he ask's maybe get him one of the cheaper versions of a smart phone for Christmas. If he doesn't ask he's not bothered so I wouldn't worry about it

EduCated · 30/08/2022 20:26

Three and Plusnet had decent lower end sim only deals when I was looking the other day.

SnoozyLucy7 · 30/08/2022 20:31

Definitely get him one. You don’t want him to be that kid that is the only one not to have one.

caringcarer · 30/08/2022 20:34

No need for a phone, sounds like he would lose it anyway. My 16 year old just got one for his birthday. He has SN and loses most things.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 30/08/2022 20:39

You can sometimes get a reasonable deal attached to your provider and I think with EE I can gift some of my data to my ds.

Oblomov22 · 30/08/2022 20:42

He does need one. Socially. Buy him a cheap one.

MonsterKidz · 30/08/2022 20:48

My DS11 just started at secondary. He has a old phone of ours with a pay as you go sim. I got it from Tesco mobile on their website and it is £15 per month for a very decent amount of data
and texts etc.
Like you he had access to all the tech at home so I was unsure whether he needed it. And also high probability it will get lost. Hence why just an old phone of ours which was lying unused and sim that can be replaced.
I am so glad I got it for him. firstly they use an app to order their lunch. they use it in class to look up things. The english class has a teams page so he has the app on phone for submitting homework. And the best part is he uses it to msg me after school and sometimes at lunch which I am really grateful for and I think it helps him that he has direst access to me during the day.
So far he has been extremely responsible of charging at night etc and the phone stays in kitchen and can be checked by me at anytime. I feel it’s added to his maturity honestly. But I am also fully prepared for it be lost at some point soonish!

reelcat · 30/08/2022 21:01

Tesco mobile use the 02 newrok and have great sim only deals

hedgehogFC · 31/08/2022 18:38

My DC goes to a school where they advise kids do not take phones in with them. If they, you have to sign a parent contract, and they are not under any circumstances allowed to get them out in the school grounds.

My DC has a phone which they use at home so they can message their friends outside of school. As of yet, however, they haven't had any data to use outside of the home. There is a really big chance of them losing it, or wandering down the street holding it and it getting stolen. So for now, it stays at home.

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