Non sleeping toddler

[6coffeesbefore9am]

My DS is almost 3. Over the last 4 months he has started waking multiple times a night. He used to sleep through. As an example of his sleep, last night:

1:45am came into my bedroom. I took him back and lay with him in bed. He fell asleep.
3am woke up and crawled all over me. Eventually fell back asleep after 45mins.
5am up for the day. Will not go back to sleep.

I have tried adjusting bed times. Changing quilts, pj's, nightlights. If I leave the room after he falls asleep he will just wake up and cry and look for me again.

Naps during the day are hit and miss.

My DH thinks we just need to toughen up, put him back in bed and let him cry. No more lying with him.

I don't know how comfortable I am letting him cry, he's still so little. But I am completely exhausted and so sleep deprived.

What do I do?

I think your husband has a point, but I would never have done it. When he comes to the surface of sleep, where he used to turn over and go back to sleep, he's now in the habit of coming to you. You really need to do a couple of night shifts intercepting him when he starts his wander, so he's back in bed before properly waking. Well, that's a non-starter for most people, so next best thing is whisking him straight back to his bed, sitting by him if necessary.

My daughter had a bit of success with a star chart when her daughter started this, but I think she was a bit older.

Years on from these shenanigans, I can assure you that they're meaningless blips, but I well remember the exhaustion. Hope it doesn't last!

I think your husband has a point in that he needs to learn to sleep without you being there. Cos when you go, he will keep coming back to look for you.

Perhaps try a gradual retreat.

Co sleeping

Or DH does all the wakings

Yes you're right. I just don't know how to get him to start linking his sleep cycles again. It started when he had Covid and I was sleeping next to him to keep an eye on him.

I will try taking him back and just sitting there.

Co sleeping is kind of what we're doing now, well half the night anyway. But he doesn't sleep through. He wakes so often and is so alert. He'll either start wriggling and moving around the bed, or he'll get up and wander around.

DH and I kind of take it in turns depending on who is struggling the most. At the moment though I think we're equally sleep deprived and miserable!

Time to drop the nap.

We've considered this too but on the days he doesn't nap he falls asleep early but still wakes. 6pm or 9pm - still up all night and bouncing around at 5am.

Do you think it needs to be consistent nap dropping? Like completely cut it and tell nursery no more nap and eventually it will help?