Where do you find groups to possibly make friends?

[Enko]

I am in my early 50s and Ive realised recently that my friend circle is very small. A mixture of my kids getting old/adults and school mum's friendships have moved on. My having been in education for the last 3 years so not had a lot of outside time, covid and lockdown and us moving away from the town we lived in for 12 years 3 years ago.

I have good friends I speak with and spend time when able but they are a minimum of 30 mins away and some in other countries. (I am not British by birth)

So I often see " join a group" and Whilst I am willing to do that. I struggle to find anywhere. I don't have a lot of money so expensive groups to join to learn x is hard. I work Monday to Friday so I need evening groups and I am just struggling.

I have gone to a crochet/ knitting group for the last 3 years in our previous town but it has recently closed down. I have not had luck finding one in my area. I am not interested in book groups as frankly once I go back into studies in October my reading will once again focus on that topic.

I would like to meet people who will be welcoming. I am up for trying new things but I don't have £100's to spend on a course. I used to do lots of craft-based courses but I never really managed to make many friends that way. Did some amazing crafts though :)

Ive looked at our local library but not seen much (it is also very new so a chance that will come it has not been open long) I AM considering a local church but the closest one is very much a "let's get God points" church and I know from previous experience I am not a great fit in those. There is an evangelist church close to us I am considering come September (no services in August) but it is a bit complex as my religion is Lutheran protestant. Also, I have previously found that getting included in churches takes a long time. I will say some of the people I still drive to see in our previous church are from my previous church group.

I don't want to start a group before people suggest this. I did this with the group we have just closed down and it wasn't successful.

Where do people look and how did you go about this? I have looked on

meetup.com
Local library
Local bookshop
local church notice board
crochet forums with local areas
Local sewing shop (all sewing groups and Im not up for that)

When I have found groups they are often daytime too and I simply can't do daytime.

I wanted to post to say I feel exactly the same. I don't want to run or walk, I want people to go for a drink/coffee/film with. I want someone to join me at the local carnival or community event.

It is so hard to meet new friends in your 50s, particularly if you still have kids at home so spend a lot of time in work or doing kid stuff. Add to that the fact that I only have every other weekend free it makes night classes or organised groups quite difficult to join/sign up for.

There must be thousands of women out there in the same position. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to just ask some of my neighbours if they would like to go to the local pub for a chat!

@TheSunnySide this exactly. Thank you I was really wondering if I was just odd.

Happy to make you smile @Enko though I'm sure we all know that academic study while not recognising the same pattern in one's own life is not unusual.

How would you describe the difference between the pattern of your answers in this thread and as examples of TA?

@TheSunnySide There must be thousands of women out there in the same position. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to just ask some of my neighbours if they would like to go to the local pub for a chat!

I feel exactly the same. I'm sure my neighbour's life is very like mine. During lockdown, we had street quizzes. I could tell who was really into this. Now I wish a few of us could just go to the local pub quiz but it feels like the moment to ask has gone.

@FinallyHere

I'd argue there that speaking adult to adult to you. I am aware of my limitations time wise. I do not feel it is productive to entertain. Weekend volunteering or day time events I know I am unable to make work long term. So I shot down the event that are suggesting this as I know I am incapable of using this time.

Being honest and stating sports is not my thing is not a "yes but" it's self awareness. I have looked up several of the suggested places what I have shot down is. Timings I cant do and stuff I know I won't be interested in.

I am not seeking to excuse this I am simply being congruent in my answers there .(and perhaps I allowed a little bit of Carl Rogers in there but I do so love the core conditions)

I joined meet-ups a social group for pub and restaurant visits, stuck to pubs and music stuff and drank lime and soda and drive - met people and made friends, half a dozen have lasted over 5 /7 years

cycling so joined cycling club and made many friends but mainly make - though one definite friend who I see twice a month socially and we walk together

im trying to join a ramblers group to make more friends and be out in the winter when I cycle less

Sometimes I wish I had the courage to just ask some of my neighbours if they would like to go to the local pub for a chat!

i got a casual job in my local pub and it gives me social time at the weekends, made friends with local people and chat to them on shift, but also means I can pop into my local and there’ll be people I know in the pub I can sit with and have a chat

but it is limiting my rambling opening as they are also weekend walks!

I've connected with some lovely people on the friend section of bumble app recently. I have some local friends thanks to a meet up advert for a hobby. And last week I made a friend at a counter protest. I find it hard to meet people and I'm marmite. But we are out there.

Think about starting your own women's social group on Facebook. I've done this and have hundreds of members now. Some amazing friendships made. I didn't do it for me as have lots of established friendships but felt bad for women who were so lonely. It's a dreadful feeling. If you advertise it on local pages and groups you'll find others in the same boat. Mine has meet ups during the day and night.
Alternatively put Social Group (area) in Facebook search. That's how some have found mine.

Curious that is great. I enjoy walking. Enko I take your point. I hate suggestions of book clubs or choirs you have be into those things.. walking gets me out. My mam says her choir is cliquey!

Cliquey women make me sick! We need to be looking out for each other. This doesn't mean being best friends or living in each others pockets but making sure we're ok.
I spend a lot of time checking in on people. Takes seconds. Sometimes I'm the only one who's bothered in weeks. It's modern society though. And no excuse nowadays with technology. But I'm alright jack mentality is rife.

I know I contradicted myself. Takes seconds to check but I often chat a while.

It was much easier when kids young eg parties playdates etc you met the mams. My friend from school its v sad she said she had no friends at all in secondary. I send her odd text. Im finding people flaky past few years

Join a small, what they call a baptist or Bible believing church. The people are very genuine and loving God and will always include you