Loneliness / Anxiety as a lone parent

[EllaBn22]

Hi all,

I don’t know what I hope to achieve posting .. I guess if anyone has been in a similar way before and had any advice.

I am a lone parent, I left my abusive ex five years ago and moved quite a distance away closer to family and got a house. He has very little direct involvement with our daughter and shows little interest. I was so grateful and relieved to be away from him in my own space that I just loved the peace at home, the lack of eggshells, the wondering when the next explosion would be.

In the last year or so I started to get quite lonely and overwhelmed. I do have local family support here and there but everyone has their own lives and are busy / don’t really visit. I found nights quiet and hard and my mood low.

A few months ago I got sick with covid and took quite a while to recover. In this time I stayed with my parents for two weeks for support and had a sense of security, happiness and safety in their house I just don’t feel on my own. Having other adults around lifted a weight off my shoulders I had not realized was there.

Ever since I have been back in my own house in the last two months I feel the loneliness again but turning to anxiety. It seems to be getting worse. I feel anxious here a lot – I have started checking doors are locked over and over, will be up in bed and worry the cooker is on or a tap is on and be getting up to check this, sweating if I hear a noise outside. Over the last few days I have been unwell again and my anxiety is really taking over. I feel sick and don’t know how much of it is anxiety and how much of it is a different cause. I find mornings and days ok .. I keep myself busy with work and my DD and visit my parents frequently however as it gets close to night I feel weak and panicked. I keep telling myself I am a grown woman and to get a grip but I can’t get over the feeling. I scroll mumsnet to keep a sense of company.

How do others cope with living alone and all the responsibility and loneliness? Any tips for coping better?

I'm a single parent who fled an abusive relationship, so I did 'access' a lot of help on line for different things. I never felt this particular anxiety but I used to lie in bed falling asleep to audios or 'mind in unison' hypnosis recordings. They have them for all sorts of reasons, to feel less anxiety is one of the ones you'll fine they have the most choice. You can listen to rain drops, storms, classical music, voice recordings. For about two years I fell asleep every night listening to a recording. I don't need it now.

even though it's worth being awake for!

Dr Mario Martinez has such a lovely voice to fall asleep to

Thank you so much @J0y I will try those tonight as I can feel a panic coming on!

Sorry you are struggling. The doctor can prescribe you something for anxiety to help you through this difficult time if you wanted some help that way. May be worth considering to break the cycle

Thank you @noclothesinbed I may speak to a doctor to see what he could perscribe. I am a teacher and hoping when I get back to school and into a routine on Thursday this will help me too. It is an awful feeling when you feel you have no control of your thoughts.

I could have written your post myself. I totally identify and know how hard it is. Also identify with feeling less alone by scrolling mumsnet. I also work in education and I think this is a hard time for us lone parents having been the only adult around for the past 6 weeks. I’m hoping it’ll get easier once we get back to school.

Hello EllaBn22
I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
I am in a similar situation and was also very happy at first then anxiety crept in.
I can relate to checking doors etc.
For me it got quite bad and I think it is to do with the weight of responsibility.
I also can relate to feeling relieved with another adult present.

To deal with intrusive thoughts I would recommend a book called 'Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts'.
It is a very reassuring and practical book written by experts in the fields.

I also went to the doctor and took beta blockers for 6 weeks which helped to break the cycle.

I am much better now. I think once you understand what you are feeling/ thinking and and reassured you are not alone/ nothing is wrong with you it helps alot.

I have also started meditating daily. I recommend an audio book 'Mindfulness ,Finding Peace In a Frantic World'
Gives great introduction and then set short meditations to follow each day.

I hope this thread helps x

Also just to add, I have been on this site for years and have written a similar message many times as these sort of threads pop up regularly.

You are really not alone, there are many of us out here and you can definitely handle this.

I am really hoping so @Introvertedandalone I struggle everynight and can't tell if it is the anxiety taking over or if I am unwell.

Thank you @Blackopal I have ordered the book and will have a read when it arrives. Thank you so much for your advice. When did you realise it was time to go to the doctors? I keep thinking get through the next hour and see how I go. When it gets to morning I tend to cope better!

So glad you have ordered the book, I really hope this helps you like it did me.

I was not as proactive as you. I didn't start a thread or really speak to anyone about it until I was in a situation that I was frantic with worry and adrenaline.

I went to the doctor when I couldn't see any other option. I should have gone a long time before. The help I needed was very simple (6 weeks of beta blockers) and temporary and I would encourage you to consider it if you are taking life hour by hour.