Anyone awake

[rockbottombird]

Just had the police out, the guy in the flat upstairs has scared me so much I logged a complaint. I'm in temporary accommodation miles from anyone I know. I'm now scared he's going to knock on the door or worse. I'm fully dressed thinking it's time to flee this hell hole. I can't believe I've left a DV situation to be put here.

Who put you there? Was it a social worker ?
is there an out of hours number you can call for emergency housing

Keep telling yourself it's temporary. Things will get better. They really will. Right now, can you go out? 24hr supermarket is free, warm and generally peaceful, plus you won't be alone so will feel safer. You don't have to buy anything just wander around for an hour and give yourself time to calm down. If you can't go out call someone, some sort of advice helpline who can help you straighten your thoughts out and provide some perspective. Don't jump from the frying pan back into the fire of your abusive relationship. Your situation right now is the best chance you have of getting social housing. If you can afford private rent and would prefer that you can sort it out more easily from here than you could if you were back with your ex.

Council DV team put me here, called the property out of hours number earlier this evening. The guys was very nice and encouraged me to log it with the police. It carried on and on so I did an online form to scared to call in case he heard me on the phone. Police turned up an hour later

What is he doing? What did the police say?

it's sunday.
no large supermarkets open, they can only trade for 6 hours on sunday.
might be a small shop attached to a filling station, but even those tend to close after midnight.
anyway, all the best OP.

@MyBabyLaura I won't be going back! I'm dressed and contemplating getting a bag together and making a dash to the car. I can hear voices upstairs so all awake. They seem to sleep most of the day and come alive all night. Fortunately my children are with their dad this evening.

Tried desperately to get private housing, very hard and no hope with a single mother, two kids and hopeful of a place that will also take our beloved dog. This situation is so sh*t ☹️

Sounds horrendous, what did the police advise?
Hope you’re ok.

You did the right thing. Rules are fairly strict more so than a regular tenancy and tenants have almost no rights to stay so if he keeps doing whatever it is he'll be evicted from the temporary accommodation.

Do you work OP? Asking because if you don't have to be anywhere at a particular time, try to figure out when he sleeps and sleep at the same time so you feel safer.

Find places to go so you don't have to be there any more than necessary. Library is good. Cafe or fast food place if you can afford a cuppa or bag of chips, make them last as long as possible.

Yes, get to your car and get away for tonight, come back tomorrow and clear the rest of your stuff. Take yourself out of the situation tonight .

Police advised me to lock myself in the bathroom if anything else happens and call them I'm petrified. I do work but remotely and flexible.

Dogs are often allowed in social housing so fingers crossed for that.

Good you've got a car. Install blankets and snacks if you can in case of future mad dashes to it.

If the police come again and you want to leave, keep an eye at the spy hole in your door and follow them out when they leave. Use whatever comfortable clothing you have as pyjamas for now, so you're always dressed and ready to go.

This sounds like he's attacking you personally, not general antisocial behaviour. If it happens again and you want to leave for a while you can ask the police to escort you out which they will do. As neighbor presumably already knows it's you who called them there's nothing to lose on that score.

OP in case you don't already know. If you permanently leave temporary accommodation, the council will say you've voluntarily made yourself homeless. Voluntarily homeless means zero help from them to rehouse you. As you've already found you can't get private rent this would not be a good situation for you to be in. If your DC father has a home and you don't and are on the streets or sofa surfing, you could lose custody of your DC. Please try to stay put, using this accommodation as your base, keeping your stuff there and living basic life there eg showering, laundry, storing food etc, sleeping there, even if you're not actually there much. Keep reporting the trouble maker to the police and the housing officer and making your support worker aware of anything that occurs too.

That's all I'm doing to be fair @MyBabyLaura it's been a month, a long hard month! I keep reporting him and the madness to the support person helping my housing application, the property management company and keeping my head down. I'm actually starting to think I just hand over my kids to my xh and admit defeat I'm at a loss. I was told I'd be helped, had no idea I'd end up miles from their schools with no end in sight. Radio silence from the council since! It's no wonder women don't leave controlling marriages.

It is hard but when you come through the other side it'll be worth it. If you give your DC to the other parent, you'll have less priority for housing and will be in the temporary place longer so I don't see how that helps you, unless you mean you could afford a one bed private rent but can't afford private if it means housing the DC too?

If this situation is affecting your mental health don't be afraid to get help with that even though you know it's "only" caused by your situation. Do what you need to do to help yourself cope, until the situation brightens up.

Start making a plan to deal with your isolation. The DC school is miles away so I'm guessing school mum friends is a bit of a no go. You're WFH so no proper social interaction there. Look into opportunities locally to meet people and possibly make friends. Being isolated will be making this situation you're in feel so much worse. Check out if the DV organisations in your area run social groups or support groups you can join.

Can you make plans to raise your earnings potential, giving you more choices in where to live? I realize this isn't possible for everyone. Personally I think social housing is gold dust and I'd hang on for it. It might be a longer road than you'd anticipated but once you've got it it's yours forever. There's a lot of peace to be gained from that. At the moment you've swapped one load of stress for another so it feels pointless, but this stress will come to an end, the DV never would have. It's hard because you're at your most fragile right now but you need to be at your strongest. You'll feel less fragile as time goes on. 💐

Also I read in a magazine there's a thing where people go jogging with their dog, in a group. Maybe you could join that? I think it was national.

Are you bidding on properties or has your housing application not got that far yet?

Thank you those words of encouragement really have helped. I'm past sleeping now, they are awake stomping around upstairs and nowt I can do about that!

My plan is to drive the kids into school, then work from a cafe / lounge locally to schools and then head back late afternoon. I left a very controlling H, I was at the end of my tether and had been looking for private accommodation since Feb. I don't want to hand over the kids but also don't want to expose them to more awful stuff it's a no win situation. I'll be back onto the housing assistant Tuesday and keep a low profile here until then.

Been bidding since Feb, I'm told my banding should heave changed but that hasn't happened yet 🤷🏼‍♀️ dog isn't with us.. still with H sadly we couldn't bring her

@rockbottombird are you safe being locked doors from those upstairs etc? Reading your posts I wasn’t sure but if you are, make sure your all locked up safely and maybe invest in some headphones and listen to an audiobook or film? So you can actually switch off from them above you?
Have they actually been threatening to you or is it just that you can hear them?
xx

Ah that's a shame about your dog.

On the bidding list website can you go to the My Application section? Should tell you the status of it and give an opportunity to contact them (if it looks like the changes in circumstances are not in the middle of being processed). If it's being processed you'll have to be patient, sounds like your area is very busy if they've housed you out of area for now. Perhaps ask your support worker what is a suitable timeframe to chase for an update on what's happening. They'll have been through it with others so will know the system best.

People stomping around above you is the absolute pits. Try sleeping pills or earplugs in future or keeping the radio on low so you've something else to focus on.

I understand how it is. You're frayed. You've got one nerve left and they're getting on it! You just have to keep telling yourself it's temporary and finding all the little ways you can to help you cope. You may be new to the place but they could've been there ages, maybe they'll get housed soon, you never know.

The DC are in the same boat as you. Chances are he's not father of the year. Chances are he also doesn't want to be single dad and will get into s new relationship for childcare reasons if nothing else. That'll just be another abusive relationship. So DC situation is DV permanently until they grow up and leave home or temporary housing which is well, temporary.

Thanks for your support last night, it really did help. I managed to get some sleep.. not much but better than nothing! Of course upstairs is now quite for the day!! I've some cleaning to do then I'm off out of here. I hate it, I know I have to keep going but this really is the worst situation I've ever been in and put my children in 😞 none of which is my doing. I'm holding back tears this morning feeling pretty hopeless. My happy ever after smashed to pieces by the actions of a cheating lying controlling Husband. Life doesn't feel very fair right now.

You're welcome. Glad you got a little sleep. You've got to grieve for your broken dreams, which is hard when you're busy trying to get by. This is a difficult phase but when you've got a new system going and found ways to manage/cope it'll feel easier. It won't last forever and when it's over you can build a different version of happy ever after.

Hi hun I no it's a few years on but I'm same situation did u get a house or left there for long I hate where I am