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Original poster

Adult son paying rent

31 replies

Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 15:02

Myself and OH are retired and relatively comfortable. Our adult son who lives with us has had a long period of unemployment due to poor mental health. He’s just got back into work, earning around £1300 a month. He pays for a counsellor weekly but doesn’t spend much otherwise.
UP till now we have charged him a proportion of his benefits.
What should we ask as a contribution each month now in view of the fact that he wants to move out and rent at some point so needs to save ? I just don’t know what is fair.

OP posts:
Cynderella · 27/08/2022 15:17

Given the rise in energy costs, I would work out a fair proportion of bills. We do this - four person household, so ¼ of what we pay for council tax, water, energy and other utilities, insurance, food etc. If that seems too much, then a reduced amount.

GlueyMooey · 27/08/2022 15:33

It depends on too many things. If I knew he was saving his money to move out and not wasting it I'd just charge a proportion of bills and food. His earnings are low so he is going to struggle to move out.

Original poster
Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 15:42

Yes, it’s just knowing what proportion to charge

OP posts:
LightsDownLowDancingSlow · 27/08/2022 15:50

People I know ask for anything between £0 and £250 per month, mostly depending on how comfortable they are themselves. As you’re relatively comfortable, he’s saving to move out and he’s on a low wage, I’d maybe ask for £100 per month.

TempNameChangexx · 27/08/2022 15:55

If there's three of you in the house, charge him a third of the bills: electricity, gas, water, food.
I wouldn't include council tax unless you have to pay more as he's there

Original poster
Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 16:00

Gosh quite varied answers! I was thinking maybe £400 a month.

OP posts:
penpadtap · 27/08/2022 16:07

I'd say that's greedy, I'd never charge my son that much. 250-300 based on his wage.

Cynderella · 27/08/2022 16:09

Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 16:00

Gosh quite varied answers! I was thinking maybe £400 a month.

My two are living the dream! £150 each, but I think it's going to jump to £200 because it's been that for years. No sign of them going anywhere, so I feel we need to treat it as a house share.

undecided112 · 27/08/2022 16:11

£400 is lot I'd say. I paid £200 to my parents when saving (moved out last year).

rainbowandglitter · 27/08/2022 16:11

My dss pays £250 a month.

TopGolfer · 27/08/2022 16:13

My DH and I are retired, our two adult DC live at home, they take home £1600 per month and we charge them £170 (this recently was increased from £140). We all seem happy with that.

Rinatinabina · 27/08/2022 16:13

I think it should be the bare minimum to cover his cover his costs. He’s had a tough time and is getting his shit together, he’ll be off faster if you don’t take 30% of his wages that it doesn’t sound like you need. Counselling can be bloody expensive too.

TopGolfer · 27/08/2022 16:15

How old is he OP?

MissingNashville · 27/08/2022 16:24

Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 16:00

Gosh quite varied answers! I was thinking maybe £400 a month.

That’s almost a third of his wage, it seems a lot to me. You’ll get people saying it will cost him more to get his own place and that’s true, but I think it should be much cheaper living with parents. As parents you help them get on their feet and let them have a bit of fun too, as long as you’re comfortable which you say you are. It’s your choice though.

Original poster
Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 16:55

Yes, maybe it's too much. So difficult to know! If he was renting every penny would go on rent, food and bills.

OP posts:
belge2 · 27/08/2022 16:57

I was charging my 20 yr old £180 a month. For that he gets his meals cooked, washing done and some lifts to work. He was earning approx £1500. Seemed fair to all. He finishes contract this month and is off travelling so won't be charging him again!

Original poster
Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 17:01

TopGolfer · 27/08/2022 16:15

How old is he OP?

He is 31. He's had a long period of being out of work and severe mental health problems. It's been a real struggle for him to get to where he is. He has to pay travel expenses as well, about £60 a month and pays for a counsellor. This is the first time he has ever had money like this in his life. Yes, it is a low wage, but his job is physically exhausting and he's struggling with it. I don't want to take away what little he has. At the same time, he needs to recognise that living expenses are high. We cook most of his meals and I do his ironing, just to help him function.

OP posts:
Popcorncovered · 27/08/2022 17:04

penpadtap · 27/08/2022 16:07

I'd say that's greedy, I'd never charge my son that much. 250-300 based on his wage.

It's not "greedy" if that's what it's costing the OP to have her adult child living there

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/08/2022 17:06

I charged mine 45 quid a week as he was saving for a house. He’s got one now, but l would have been putting it up in terms of rising energy bills if he hadn’t.

TopGolfer · 27/08/2022 17:07

There’s no right or wrong, I think bearing in mind the DS’s age perhaps £10 per day so
£300 per month. How much does the counselling cost?

Original poster
Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 17:09

Just to be clear, we aren't asking for money out of greed, we are trying to get him to recognise that food and energy costs are high. At the same time, I don't want to make him feel that what he has is being taken from him . It's a balance between having self esteem from work and feeling he is helping household expenses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 17:15

TopGolfer · 27/08/2022 17:07

There’s no right or wrong, I think bearing in mind the DS’s age perhaps £10 per day so
£300 per month. How much does the counselling cost?

He is being charged £35 a session at the moment, but it will probably go up now he is working.

OP posts:
Isabelle70 · 27/08/2022 17:15

Mine pays £100 a week which covers utilities, food shopping, sky tv, internet etc. I am a single working mum and don't see why I should subsidise his living expenses now he is as adult. He still saves a very large amount of his wage and is on his way to having a good deposit on a flat.

Original poster
Askaquestion123 · 27/08/2022 17:18

Isabelle70 · 27/08/2022 17:15

Mine pays £100 a week which covers utilities, food shopping, sky tv, internet etc. I am a single working mum and don't see why I should subsidise his living expenses now he is as adult. He still saves a very large amount of his wage and is on his way to having a good deposit on a flat.

How much does he earn if you don''t mind me asking?

OP posts:
TopGolfer · 27/08/2022 17:18

Maybe think in terms of how much he used to have left in benefits after his commitments and then working out how much more he now has for himself so he can see the benefit of working.
Have you thought about helping him apply for PIP, he may be entitled to it?

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