When was your friendship circle at it's best/worst?

[CuddlesAndChocolate]

Dh and I are mid 30s and our friendships seem to be at a particularly low at the moment. Some of it could just be circumstances and bad luck but this is the situation...

• We've had our children in the last 4 years so a lot of life revolves around our 3 year old (SEN too) and 1 year old.
• Some friends don't have/want children. These friends are actually the ones we do occasionally see though but our lives are obviously very different.
• My best friend has met someone within the last year and is now pregnant. I'm so happy for her but quite understandably she's not as available anymore.
• Some of our friends have moved away and contact has dwindled.
• One of my close friends has started home schooling and since then, she's become very involved and clicky with those parents. I feel like it's a bit of a cult! Lol
• Another friend is going through a mid 30s crisis it seems and just wants to be 'out out' a lot. She doesn't really reply to messages anymore but I think she's going through some emotional difficulties.
• Dh has got a couple of very unpredictable friends who sometimes meet up, sometime don't. But both suffer with depression.
• A few other friends have recently got into paganism and have a new click of friends now.

Is this just how friendships go in life? Things were so different in our 20s. There were always meet ups, parties, plans being made. For me, the only time I get to consistently socialise is now I'm back at work.

We'd love to have more contact with friends and meet up, but at the moment, there aren't many of them! Admittedly we don't belong to anything but with young children, both working, running a home, there's not not lots of time. Dh's family are all moving away soon too so that's going to be a change for us too. Although we have our children, my family and see people at work, there's not much else and it's saddened us recently.

When was your friendship circle at it's best/worst? Should we focus on making new friends? But how east is that to do in your 30s with all of the above going on?

Hmm…

Best: at university; and then when my children were babies and then little (NCT and then nursery parent friends - I met some wonderful people who I clicked with and spent a lot of time with, and family friends we went on holiday with etc).

Worst: when I changed school and lived in a new area at 12; and when my children were school age and most those NCT / nursery parent friends had moved away, and I didn’t live close enough to my older friends. Oh, and Covid! (I still miss my kids being little.)

Yes in my experience too that is how friendships go in life definitely. My best friendship time was at secondary school and my worst was probably college. Now I am at a bit of a lull friendship wise as I kind of pulled back into myself to deal with some stuff but I am very content and happy. I know how to enjoy my own time and company but equally I take up social opportunities as they arise and they always do so I’m very happy with that. I think finding out who you are and what you enjoy doing and filling your time doing it makes any friendship issues fade into the background.

I'd say now (am in my 40's). Still good friends with close friends from childhood and now I have three kids I have made lots of new friends through them over the years. I have a pretty wide circle of friends now, mutual friends with DH but plenty of my own friends as well.

Worst for me was a period in my 20's living in a new area miles away from family and friends. I had no help with childcare and it was very difficult to get out and socialise and to invest in friendships properly. I was quite lonely then.

You're not alone!

My close guy friend became non existent in my life when I had my DD.

Lost 2 friends during my pregnancy which I guess happens (seeing them today for the first thing in 8 months. Quite nervous)

One of the girls in our group has slowly drifted away. Her MH isn't great and she's not got the best support. We've tried over the years, she doesn't want our help.

My best friend is married with 2x kids so understandably she's busy. Same with my other 2 best friends.

DP friends have no kids. And we've got a 6MO. So in different phases of our lives.

We where always out as well even up until before Covid, meeting with friends etc. lately it's became so few and far between! Shame.

I think this is what's surprised me. I thought having young children would bring about more friendships. It did initially when my eldest was a baby up until 18 months. But then covid happened and that definitely changed things.
It's funny how at school back in the day, you didn't 'fit in' for this reason or that and I kind if feel similar again now. I don't fit in with friends I've known for years and years because I'm not into going out out all the time, I'm not into homeschooling or paganism, etc. It feels like clicks have happened in the lady few years. Also, have a child with sen feels difficult sometimes as we can't always do things as easily as others due to complex behaviour.

Best was when I need them most in my 30's
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When my dd died my best friend was on holiday abroad. She flew home leaving her dh dc's and inlaws to be at my side. My friends and family got my through the worst time in my life.

Worst was probably when dd1 was born I was a teenager and although my friends were supportive they were all at still at school. I couldn't do the things that they could.