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Original poster

I’m becoming a really horrible person

14 replies

Mysterweepinata · 26/08/2022 10:27

How do I stop? I don’t know if it was the pandemic, cost of living crisis anxiety or a number of bad life choices I made in the few last years but I’m finding myself becoming a bitter, jealous, nasty and isolated person. I’ve distanced myself from all of my friends - I avoid seeing anyone if I can help if. I find myself thinking the worst of people all the time. I feel like I want to disappear from the world. I used to be a sociable, generous person who volunteered their time happily and helped others. What the hell is happening to me and how can I get back to who I was? I tried therapy but I can’t get through this barrier of not wanting to let people in.

OP posts:

Libre55 · 26/08/2022 11:34

You need to look after yourself too. Can you ask your GP to refer you for some counselling?

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 26/08/2022 11:53

You sound depressed. See your GP or self refer to your local wellbeing service

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/08/2022 11:55

I actually wrote out a post like this a few weeks ago on here but couldn't post it as I was too afraid of the responses.
I've also become jealous and bitter. I hate anyone doing well at the moment and I'm finding it really hard to be happy for people.

It's a horrible feeling.

bluelavender · 26/08/2022 11:55

You are not a horrible person at all; you're just quite unwell

Please do try to see the GP, or there will be local IAPT services that you can self refer to.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

💐

Citycentre3 · 26/08/2022 11:56

Maybe you have been let down a lot? If so it is understandable to be the way you are.

Leafy3 · 26/08/2022 12:00

I'm also wondering about depression.

When I was ill with it once, I found myself becoming quite bitchy which I never was before and still feel very ashamed of a couple of comments I made at the time.

Look up the symptom on mind uk and nhs and then pop along to your gp x

Gallant282 · 26/08/2022 12:59

I'd been feeling like this for a while. I have a disability and its made me realise that very few people who I've always been there for in the past will do the same for me. It made me feel really bitter and angry at the world.

I started on escitaloprám a few months ago and I'm feeling much more like my old self. The hurts still there but I don't feel so angry and disconnected from the world.

Definitely try speaking to your gp.

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/08/2022 13:10

I'm going to go against the grain a little and ask you what makes you think you are actually being horrible.

To some I would appear to be less generous. Less tolerant. More suspicious of people. However really I've probably just wised up a bit and Its time to start looking after myself a bit rather than trusting people and giving my time/thoughts etc to people to my own detriment..

Is there a reason that you have pulled back? Are your friends really your friends? Are they more demanding of your time/effort than you realised at first?

IWasFunBeforeMum · 26/08/2022 13:13

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/08/2022 13:10

I'm going to go against the grain a little and ask you what makes you think you are actually being horrible.

Is there a reason that you have pulled back? Are your friends really your friends? Are they more demanding of your time/effort than you realised at first?

This. Just because you're not little miss sunshine doesn't mean you're depressed! Mumsnet standard responses are either leave the bastard or you're depressed.

SandysMam · 26/08/2022 13:17

I used to feel a bit like this Op when I was really unwell. Now that I am in a better place health wise I don‘t feel that way anymore as I am generally happy with my life. Can you pinpoint if there is something in your life you are unhappy with and change it?

RobynNora · 26/08/2022 13:22

You sound far from horrible so definitely give yourself a break. And definitely see your GP - your sentence about wanting to disappear from the world sounds like something your GP would want to see you about. What kind of things do you feel bitter and jealous of? That might give you some clues about what you need for yourself, even if you can't recreate what they have. Like, if you're jealous of a friend going on a fancy spa day, maybe what you really crave is some time alone to recharge. Cost of living really is so difficult though that I don't want to minimise that.

coffeeisthebest · 26/08/2022 13:42

Could you go back to therapy and tell your therapist you are aware of a barrier that is hard to get through? I think that would be a good place to try and start talking. And then try and challenge yourself to stay in therapy for a while, chat this through with your therapist. I am also reluctant to say you sound depressed, maybe you needed to start saying no a bit more.

Woofins · 26/08/2022 13:55

your not a horrible person it's been a shite few years I understand as I feel the same very often. If you can access consuelling it will help x if not via your gp if you can afford to go privately.

Schmordle · 26/08/2022 14:06

I think the fact that you can identify these feelings- bitterness, jealousy etc- means that you are not defined by them. There is still a ‘you’ that knows that’s not who you really are. Lots of bitter jealous people out there who don’t see it in themselves at all! I think it’s ok to feel this way and also acknowledge that these feelings are making you unhappy. It would be really worthwhile trying again with therapy to unravel it all a little. Sounds like you’ve been through a really tough time

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