Worrying about baby suffering in future

[KazMa]

Opinions needed on if how I’m feeling is normal?!

I had my DS nearly 4 months ago and right from the start (during pregnancy) I kept feeling guilty that I was bringing a child into this horrible world where he’ll suffer…. I look at his happy face now, where all he knows is love and comfort and I can’t help but feel sad that I might leave him in this world where there is likely going to be a WW3. Will my son have to go to war, will he suffer with making a living, being able to afford anything, will he be happy…

(He is a very much a wanted child and was conceived via IVF)

You just have to do your best to make him feel secure and loved and stable, and resilience and the ability to weather life’s storms will naturally come along with that.

You can’t possibly know if there’ll be a war or national service or any of that. It’s not something you can prepare or plan for. So just concentrate on raising a healthy, secure and successful child and young adult who has all the foundations of being able to secure a nice future for himself.

I’m sure previous generations of mothers felt exactly the same, OP! From WW1, WW2, the Cold War missile crisis, fears of nuclear armageddon, and that’s only the last four generations. Before that they faced plagues, famines, the Napoleonic wars, etc etc.
Of course your child may face challenges in their life - but also opportunities, to love and be loved, to serve God, and to make a difference in the world. To help change it for the better. Look ahead with hope, not fear.

Thank you

Thanks for the reassurance

I completely understand these feelings. To be honest I don’t really watch the news now; I keep abreast of the headlines but I found, especially when I had very young children, that I had to stay in a little bubble of just bringing them up happy, healthy etc and not worry about the distant future. It’s depressing. What has helped me has been posts like the one above re: historical events. There have always been troubles and problems in the world. We just have to do our bit and get on with it. 💐

That’s true. I just look and compare to my life, and the last almost 30 years have been great. I just can’t see the next 30 years being as good as I had it and just feel it’s so unfair for him to have to live through struggles.

Everyone suffers to some extent.
Some people even live objectively and subjectively miserable lives.
It wouldn't be life as we know it if it was anything different.
You have very little control over any of that, so it's best to focus on the things that you can influence (upskilling, building resilience, providing a safe haven when necessary and passing on some material wealth).

Well, all I can say is you’re a long time dead.

I have a baby son too. I try and live in the moment.

There have been plenty of shit times throughout history. Im not saying ah it's fine it's hard now then, but we get through them. Things adapt and change and invariably get better. Although the future looks scary there's still plenty of positives out there and plenty of good in the world. I just try and live day to day and do the best we can.

I have a 4 month old too - the Ukraine war breaking out was fun hey?? But also, we went through with a pregnancy during covid presumably there was a choose in that somewhere along the way. Look, we’re suffering now and I’m sure our parents worried about that. And their parents, and their parents. Your kid is in one of the safest countries in the world. Life is a worry but what can you do.

None of my sons will be going to war for those bastards.

Try that attitude!

All you can do is do your best to equip them with the skills they need to have a good time on earth. That means a good education, looking after their health, understanding the world and other people, showing kindness and resilience. These life skills are all you can do but stands them in good stead for the future to tackle whatever comes their way! I don’t think worrying about WW3 is very rational thinking but climate change will be a big issue in their lives to contend with. We can all do our best and enjoy moments together to the upmost. Xo

(meaning big business and their government representatives).

You get the years you’re given.

We have been incredibly lucky over the past 50 years.

It's a question people have asked themselves since the beginning of time - why bring children into the world? It's just more prominent right now due to the projected end of the Long Peace since WWII. In a purely practical sense it's unlikely conscription will be brought in, wars are fought with drones, tech, electricity/other resource disruption and nuclear weapons.

I was born as the Falklands war was going on, my mum remembers asking herself "what have I brought this baby into?" There's always something happening to make humans question themselves.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I guess the only thing we can do is give our children as much love and support and security as possible, while they are little. It will make it easier for them to deal with problems later.
Kinda like in Harry Potter, mother's love protected Harry long after she was gone. 🙂

I felt like this and it was completely exacerbated by my PNA / PND. But i look at the young people (16yrs - 25yrs) in our family and they are such a credit to society. They care about society, climate change, reducing inequality etc. So all i can hope is that enough young people are like this to make a difference as they turn into positions of influence and authority. And that i can do a good enough job of raising DD to care the same way 💐

It isn't 'likely' that there'll be a WW3.

Do you know much about history? There was not a period in time when people didn't feel that there was a risk to safety. Even in the previous century alone people had so many worries! Imagine being born in the period when an entire generation of men and boys were wiped out fighting, many against their will, in WW1. Imagine finally seeing the end of WW1 and then a Spanish Flu pandemic sweeping the globe - a pandemic that was SO much worse than COVID because of the way the virus worked, meaning that it was particularly fatal for young, healthy people with strong immune systems. Imagine the end of that and then not long later WW2 breaks out! And imagine the end of THAT, only to discover the absolute horror of the holocaust. And then the Cold War, being taught how to prepare for nuclear war, which seemed FAR more likely than it does today!

The world has never felt especially stable, there have always felt like there have been huge risks, but how many people in your family were affected by any of them?

If you're worrying about the whole Russia/Ukraine/China/Taiwan thing then yea, sure there is tension but honestly this isn't a new thing, and no world leaders are stupid enough to let it descend into WW3 because EVERYONE would lose.

It sounds like you're suffering from anxiety, I felt the same after the birth of my first. Have you spoken to a GP? Do you feel anxious about other things? It's a stressful time and it might be worth it, I wish I had because I suffered from anxiety for months after my first was born and didn't realise I could have sought help until I had pretty much made it through the worst of it.