I think it's so strange when parents refuse to think of their grown up children as adults

[lailamaria]

I don't mean to be critical but is it just me who gets weirded out by parents trying to make so many rules for their adult children even children who live away from home they still try to overly monitor especially when it comes to smoking/vaping and drinking i've seen it a lot recently fair play you don't want your kids to be unsafe but that part of parenting is done imo you can't force an adult to do something you want them to do that's just not how it works i've just seen so many threads recently i was wondering if anyone else felt the same

You're not wrong. For a start off, there's no such thing to me, as 'adult children'. There are 'adult offspring'. They're no longer children!

On the other hand, my offspring can smoke if they like, do drugs if they like, vape if they like - but they're not doing it around me or on my property. In line with anyone and everyone else.

Once they're of age, they're more than welcome to have a drink. But they're responsible for their own monitoring of their intake, had better not take the piss with our piss, and need to clean up any messes they make. Again, in line with anyone and everyone else.

It depends on what you mean by adult children. While mine are at school, they still abide by my rules e.g. no late nights out/staying in others' houses on a school night (there are occasional exceptions obviously), letting me know where they are, no excessive drinking etc. They were all 18 when they finished school so technically adults. Once the final exams were over, the only rule was let me know if you will be late home/not coming home. I still expect them to comply with that now they are at uni/working when they are at home.

I still give advice, sometimes asked for, sometimes not, but that lessens as they get older and more experienced. I don't make judgements on their lifestyles but, like @mbosnz, no smoking/vaping/drugs on my property. I also expect my home to be respected wrt drink and in fairness, none of them ever arrives home excessively drunk.

What @mbosnz said.

My house, my rules. Feel free to get a place if your own if you want.